To be scared for my fifteen year old son?

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Sorry to post in here but I need some urgent advice before tomorrow morning and thought it might get more traffic.

My son (15 this month) has been experimenting with drugs over the last few months. It started with nicotine pouches, which I removed whenever I found them in his room. We also stopped giving him cash, so he could only buy things via his Hyperjar card. He has also taken weed edibles a couple of times but had a bad reaction so I don't think he has continued with those. Lately he seems to have dropped the nicotine pouches and has been vaping instead. However, back in April he started experiencing some mental health issues and as I was worried about those, I backed off a bit with the drugs and so haven't been coming down on him hard over the vaping. He has been seeing a therapist for the past few weeks but says he wants to take a break from therapy now as he has learnt some good techniques from her to help with his anxiety.

However, this morning he left earlier than usual for school, which made me suspicious. This evening I checked his phone and found out that he had gone to meet a friend who had given him some Adderall tablets (this friend has ADHD). My son asked him for the tablets on WhatsApp and they were talking about the physical effects. Now they've agreed to meet again tomorrow morning and the friend will give my son some more tablets - it's Sports Day tomorrow and he seems to think it will improve his performance. I understand from the messages that these are 20mg tablets and the friend will give my son 3 of them. I'm not sure how many he took this morning.

I have been turning a blind eye to the vaping as I was concerned about my son's mental health, but I absolutely cannot ignore this. I'm really worried that taking this much Adderall when it hasn't been prescribed for you could be dangerous, although I don't know enough about dosages to know. I'm also very worried about addiction. My husband suffers with alcohol dependency, although he has been sober for years, so we worry that a tendency towards addiction is in his genes.

I obviously want to talk to my son in the morning, but don't know how to stop him getting the pills from his friend. I worry that if I try to stop him leaving the house he will just storm out anyway. Plus, if he knows I've checked his phone it will break the trust between us and he will just make sure to delete all messages in future. I am so scared for him. Does anybody have any advice?

Is this UK? Adderall isnt licensed here

I would be thinking if you aren’t already that the drugs could be the reason for the decline in his mental health. Could he be smoking weed? Is there a drugs advisory service nearby I think the one in the uk is called frank.

Yes, this is UK. I didn’t realise it wasn’t prescribed here. I wonder how this kid has got hold of it then! 😧

He is a child of 14, you are responsible for stopping this.

Ritalin is prescribed here

But regardless, you have concerns about your sons behaviour so as a PP has offered, get in touch with a drug advisory service for guidance

The other thing is, he is a child, you are a parent, and you need to parent, even though its not going to go down well with him

You stop him by not letting him out of the house

Im an addict and whilst there is some studies that say its genetic, a lot more say its learned behaviour. No matter as to how , your son now need your as parents to step up and get a grip on this

Good luck

This. You call him 15 when he isn't and you know you are doing that to make him seen older than he is to justify it to yourself. Year 9‘s are notoriously hard work and need firm boundaries.Turning a blind eye is poor parenting.

His father is an addict so he could very well be more prone to addiction. The fact he is bouncing around from one addictive substance to another is a reason to be acting more firmly not less so.

I backed off a bit with the drugs Wtf made you think that was acceptable?!

and so haven't been coming down on him hard over the vaping.
What you dont condemn you condone. You have given him permission. He thinks it is ok. He is already trying worse things after you permitted the vaping. He has an addiction problem already.

He has been seeing a therapist for the past few weeks but says he wants to take a break from therapy now as he has learnt some good techniques from her to help with his anxiety.
Did you say absolutely not? Did you tell him he goes to therapy and that is non-negotiable?

Because he's literally about to turn 15 in a few days. He's at the end of year 10, not year 9.

Re the drugs - he had stopped everything except vaping (which I knew from reading his messages) and was only doing that once or twice a week. I have never found any vapes in his room as he was taking puffs of his friends'. If I found any I would throw them away. What I meant by backing off was, not talking to him constantly about the drugs. I was worried that he might be suicidal and therefore that was my priority rather than the odd vape. Obviously, his asking for these pills is a major red flag and so I will be taking action tomorrow.

We haven't discussed the therapist yet as she has only just sent me a message saying he wants to stop for a bit. I was prepared to consider a break but given these developments he will not be allowed to stop.

If you were scared he was suicidal why were you also willing to consider letting him stop therapy?

Because he never said he was suicidal. He swears he isn't and I haven't seen any signs of it. I am just paranoid as I have a friend whose daughter committed suicide and therefore extremely vigilant. It's anxiety and dissociation he has been suffering with, but he has literally been so much better the past few weeks with CBT. If the therapist had thought he was suicidal, presumably she wouldn't have sent me an email saying it was ok for him to stop? I wasn't planning for him to stop for longer than a few weeks in any case.

You need to take his phone away. You need to be stricter as parents

Have you tried this at all op?!

You sound like you're projecting a lot of your insecurities on to him.

He isn't going to get the guidance he needs from you while you're too afraid to parent, just in case he is secretly suicidal even though he hasn't indicated it.

Maybe talk to him about why Adderall. Is it to improve focus? Is he self medicating? Does he suspect he has ADHD? You mentioned sports day but that's just one day. Why is he acquiring multiple days worth of doses? He must feel there is a need even if he's going about it all wrong.

Sometimes smashing out therapy when you don't feel you can engage is just as useless as no therapy at all so having a break to consolidate what you've been shown can be helpful, but he isn't getting that because you're not guiding him. Maybe he doesn't feel it is working.

You both need to work on your transparency with eachother and work on harm reduction, providing enough factual, not hysterical information so he can make informed choices in the periods of time where you're not with him because teenagers are gonna do stupid shit, and helping him understand peer pressure and how it can be covert and he might not even be realising that the company he keeps is having an influence on him.

He seems directionless, self medicating and self sabotaging and unable to stop himself and you need to stop being narrow minded about his dad's alcohol additiction and look at the much bigger picture about what could be going off.

It seems that your belief in being suicidal changes depending on which way makes your life easier.

Thank you. This is helpful.

Just to add, today was the first time he’d ever tried it. He wanted to see what the effects were like ahead of Sports Day, so my impression from the WhatsApp messages is that taking it for Sports Day was the real goal. But obviously it’s dangerous and I want to nip it in the bud immediately. He will not be allowed to attend Sports Day today as I can’t trust him.

You are not alone. A lot of parents are experiencing this with their teenage sons. It’s terrifying. Don’t be afraid to have him arrested… speak to drug helplines.. reach out to local influencers who are in recovery, believe it or not some are willing to help privately. Recovery is all about helping those who have slipped, teenagers look up to influencers. Unfortunately their friends play a big role in their life.

Call the parents of the other boy. These are class B and both of them could end up in a young offenders institution.

I think having him arrested as a previous poster suggested would be a bit of an over reaction. He doesnt sound like he is in the throes of addiction, he just sounds like he is experimenting- which many many teenagers do. I would keep an eye in things and keep the lines of communications open.
I also have a 15 year old son and it is a tricky age. My son isn't vaping, drinking or experimenting with drugs but some of his peers are starting to. They're not reprobates, they're normal nice boys from nice families amd I'm sure they'll turn out fine.

No one is ending up in a young offenders institution for sharing their adhd meds! What hyperbole! I work with YP on the edge of care, children displaying really challenging behaviour who are known well to the police.

Hi.

i have a dc who has experienced dissociation. It is genuinely quite a scary experience and it’s not uncommon for people who do experience it to try to self medicate it.

therapy is good. My dc was prescribed sertraline and this did help. Is the therapy NHS or have you gone privately? In your shoes I would look into the possibilities of seeing a psychiatrist who can prescribe. This was very helpful for my dc.