AIBU to stay put rather than move back to my village?

[almost40something]

I'm in my early forties and have a lovely DH and DS. The opportunity has come up to move to my home village where we could have a much cheaper and bigger house, and be nearer my parents.

However, this is it with the positives. We all love where we live now, enjoy our family life, and live in a modest house but in a great location and are very settled, DS especially. Also, noone in my home village usually ever leaves, so the High school mean girls are still there and now some of them work at the school my DS would go to! I'd have to see them all every day.

AIBU to stay where we are despite obvious advantages if we moved?

God no! If village life holds no advantage for you other than the cheap big house, don't do it!
I say this as a city person who's just moved back into Bristol after 17 years in a village. I'm not saying it was a waste of time, but in terms of village life as opposed to city life, I hated it.

Thank you so much. The town we are in now is not much bigger, but it's lovely and lively and has lots going on, and is in a really interesting part of the country.

It's just that the village I come from never changes and I would kind of feel like I have to start afresh whilst everyone I know from my childhood is onlooking!

Love Bristol, I bet it's amazing to live there, I've only been there as a tourist.

Yeah you really don't sound like you want to, so don't!
What does everyone else say? Is someone trying to put it forward as an excellent idea? Not your DP I hope? 😂

Bristol is a blast. I'm never leaving the city again, nooooo.

Well my parents of course say that we get more space there (I have the opportunity to buy for a cheap price from a different family member) and that it's "nice and quiet for DS". I just never really got on with the very small town mentality either so I am afraid we'll all end up unhappy!

We did the move. It was a terrible plan and now we’re planning to move back to London. And DPs and PILs barely saw us after all the effort they made persuading us. We have a nice house but that’s it.

Well to put it in perspective I'm of your parents generation and one of my DDs is about to leave London for a village and I am absolutely keeping my mouth shut and hoping they're doing the right thing but I'm not actually sure that they're going to like it. But I'd never try to influence them one way or the other.
So your parents trying to persuade you is something you might want to distance yourself from.
You sound really clear it's not for you!
It's bound to be tempting if it's a bargain from family. But only if it's right for your lifestyle.

What I hated about village life: having to drive somewhere for anything, entertainment, yoga, art, bookshops, all the things I love were an effort. Now I have it all nearby and I'm using it all and loving it. Shops too. All nearby. And the buzz. And people who don't have the small town mentality.

Why on earth would you move, none of you want to.

Leave the village as a place for nice scenic visits to your parents.

Stay where you're happy trust your gut 🙂

Is the opportunity you speak of just being able to buy a property cheap? If so, do not move. If it was for an interesting job I would perhaps consider it.

I have created the best of both worlds in that I live in a capital city but also have a place in the village that I grew up in that I can use whenever I want to. I go for a month in the summer and then a few weeks here and there and I love walking around in the forest, swimming in the lakes, picking berries, skiing, ice skating etc. But I equally love being in the city and going to nice wine bars, buying freshly baked bread, going to my exercise classes and seeing my friends. I have very little in common with the people who live in the village. They are the people I grew up with but I left for a reason and they stayed for a reason. It's weird dynamic where I think they look down on me for being a city person and they probably think that I look down on them for not having spread their wings.

I left the place where I was brought up at age 22 and wild horses and ready money combined wouldn't get me back there!

Stay where you are.

This is amazing! Yes, I totally agree with you re they think you judge them for having stayed home (though you probably don't!)

Thank you all so much for your replies. Plenty to think about and I think I've definitely realised that I don't want to move. I think I was kind of thinking we'd have more spare money but really what's the point it your not where you want it be with it!
We might reassess in the future. Have a great weekend everyone.

I think you've made absolutely the right decision @almost40something.

Enjoy your life where it is for now, it's working for you.

Definitely don’t move back to this village! It sounds like you’re very happy where you are, and that you would really hate living there again. It doesn’t sound as though you even have very positive memories of living there as a child!

A bigger property and the fact your parents want you to live there are not good reasons.

Also - “nice and quiet” for DS is all very well when they’re tiny/ primary school age, but when they’re older/ teens they will not thank you for a nice quiet village where they can’t get anywhere independently to see friends / live in the real world etc

In fairness, it was lovely to grow up there, idyllic and I had great friends, some of them still live there. However once I reached my teens the remoteness of it all and the small mindedness of the people started to be very annoying!

You need to do what's right for you and your current life circumstances. You and your husband are happy in your current home. Your child is happy in school also.
So now a family member is selling a big house near your parents and they want you to buy it.

At the moment it hard to sell houses in certain areas and it would make your relatives life easier if you bought there's. Then your parents could want you moving home so there have help and care as they get older. If they are in a rural area they could need you there to drive them to doctors hospital ect.

At least you're aware that you and your family lives are about more than a biger house. This house won't make up for the fact that you current area offers you more as a family. Also you know what the people are like locally. Being honest I think your glad you left the area and made a good life elsewhere.

One of my friends moved back to an area like yours a number of years ago. At the time it was making the best of her situation then. Since then she has had to deal with and sort out several difficult things.
She told me recently that if she won enough money to buy a home elsewhere she would be gone within a few months.

Don't do it. You're all happy where you are and if the only advantage is a bigger house there's no way I'd move (assuming you can still visit your parents from where you currently live)