AIBU to feel at a loss about my 18 year old daughter?

[paulinepolos]

I am at wits end with my life currently, both for me and particularly my newly turned 18 year old daughter. This year has just been shite for all of us, not least the fact Im single and work part time, despite the fact my ex husband still gives us 50 percent of his wages. My 18 year old daughter wants to give up every day. It started in summer 2025 when I put her down for 3 GCSE`s. The highest grade achieved was a 5/C in Spanish. She failed English with a U and the other subject was not a pass. She has no friends. She also keeps talking about how ugly she is, that she needs to lose weight (currently 5foot 4/161cm and 73kg) and binge drink water all the time. She is obviously very unhappy with her appearance and hasnt let me take a picture of her since she was a pre-teen maybe 12 years old. Also she says she owes me like 5000 pounds cos 2 years ago we tried private therapy that was like 2000 pounds together and it didnt seem to improve her life much.

I also made the mistake of putting her up for DofE, found her on her Residential first night crying and drinking smuggled booze in a toilet at the residential center. We live in a city and she has never been in the countryside much before especially alone. She hasnt really been to sleepovers so doesnt know how to act without me at night and finds this uncomfortable. She said its too quiet and the other girls in her room bullied her. So the residential center owe me 500 pounds cos she didnt stay for the remaining 7 day course and I cant get that back. My daughters lack of education means its hard finding some kind of job. She was expelled in year 8 and tells me the teacher was physically abusive towards her so she has been home educated. She is not stupid per se, she is trilingual and good at languages. She doesn`t go out much, she goes to the gym and does weights once a week and goes for a swim once a week. She also has a voluntary job to do with the dofe and has helped a charity save itself from financial ruin by offering 200 hours so far of unpaid work. Last winter I booked a 5 day art course with nottingham trent, she now says she hates Art and doesnt want to go (to do with that other dofe residential maybe trauma?) If she doesnt go i lose another £1300. She just seems so unfulfilled with her life these days, any advice on what to do with her in the next 2 years of her life?

Could her voluntary work with the Charity lead on to a full-time paid job? She could ask if there are any vacancies to apply for. They may ignore her lack of qualifications having had so much work experience in the organisation.

Why was she excluded?

It sounds like there are a lot of issues here. Has she ever been assessed for autism?

You seem very focussed on the cost of things, is she picking up on that? She probably needs some more specialist help to try and get to the root of the problem. She sounds very depressed

Did you post recently about the d of e? It sounds like you’ve reflected a bit since then. She could do with getting some kind of L2 qualification or a job to improve her self esteem. For a job, would one of those sites where native speakers help English students practice English be a possibility? Maybe do some googling on that.

Would she go to college?
At just turned 18 she is still entitled to go for free for another year (although as someone has just said you seem very obsessed with money "lost")
She needs to do English language and maths for GCSE.
That's the basics in life.
Could she actually work (not volunteer) for the charity or for a similar cause?

@paulinepolos what do you mean by "next two years of her life".
What is magically going to happen when she turns 20?
Why does she think she owes you money for therapy? Who has put it in her head that she has to pay?