To want a slimmer, more toned body?

[Stilettosandbrokenb0ttles]

I've lost some weight recently and now my BMI is at the upper end of healthy. Everyone (my Mum in particular) keeps telling me I can stop now, I will fade away if a lose any more etc etc.. but honestly, my goal was to be slim and feel good in my clothes and I dont feel anywhere near that.

I still feel self conscious wearing shorts in public because my thighs wobble so much. Same with my arms in strappy tops. I plan to start lifting weights to hopefully try and gain some muscle but I definitley dont feel at the end of my weight loss journey now that Im a healthy BMI. For context im 5ft 4 and 9 stone 9.

The comments that I'm 'so slim' now honestly make me feel like I'm going delulu because NO I AM NOT. Obviously I know I have value beyond the shape of my body and I don't plan to become obsessive at the detriment to the rest of my life; but why is wanting a nicer body seen as such a vapid, bad thing?!

By the way adding muscle is likley you might add a small amount of weight but that will be over a period ofntime as you build it. If you are at a weight you are happy with then yes your weightloss journey is at an end as you're not planning on losing more weight. If that's how you are wording it then I can understand why your getting those comments.

Yanbu. I also lost weight recently (post a breakup). I decided to try to maintain the new weight by overhauling my diet, and getting fit.

My BMI is still in the healthy range, yet people keep commenting about my diet and exercise. I started using a personal trainer and lifting heavy weights for the first thing in my life. The reality is that I’m getting stronger and fitter by the week. I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been at 44 years old. You know your body best so just go for it!

People get used to seeing you the way you were so relatively you probably look quite slim. Or they might be jealous and wanting to sabotage your progress, either way, I would just not entertain discussions about your appearance.

"I feel great. I don't really want to discuss my appearance."

Go for it. I've started lifting weights in my late 50s and have toned up a bit...lost some of that middle age flabbiness.

But you need advice, do you want to go for toned or muscular... joining the gym could be great for advice and classes

You probably look ‘so’ slim to people that were used to you being fat.

Well done on the weightloss so far. Don’t let comments put you off your goals. If you want to lose more weight, go for it. Weight training will make a massive difference to tone.

Nothing wrong with striving for a healthy toned body.

Provided it hasn't turned you into an absolute bore, where you're obsessively talking about it, sacrificing relationships or passively aggressively trying to convert others to that lifestyle.

For example, if I had a date night with partner and they chose to eat a tiny salad and sip water all night, where previously we'd enjoy a hearty meal and laugh over a bottle of wine I would find that would effect the quality of the evening.

Congratulations on getting this far OP. I think people's perceptions of thin and fat have got skewed.

If you want a firm body you have to reduce your body fat percentage. You can build muscle, which is what 'toning' is, but you will still look flabby and wobbly if there is a layer of fat over the top.

If you look at women who are elite athletes in sports such as weightlifting or throwing disciplines (shot put, javelin etc) they tend to have quite a high body fat percentage as being heavier gives you an advantage, but you can bet their muscles are like rocks underneath.

For example, if I had a date night with partner and they chose to eat a tiny salad and sip water all night, where previously we'd enjoy a hearty meal and laugh over a bottle of wine I would find that would effect the quality of the evening.

I get that drinking alone is not as much fun but surely it doesn't matter whether the person you are eating with has a salad or pie and chips?

It doesn’t. Equating eating salad and avoiding alcohol with not being able to have a laugh suggests that this poster has some hang ups around food.

I wish I could get the muscly toned look back that I once had but since turning 50 i've piled on weight, even though my diet is the same, and it won't come off. I've gone from a 10/12 to 14/16. Exercise is too painful as peri menopause has made it impossible. My DM had the same thing happen. I just have to accept this is it I think

Reading this as I'm in the gym waiting for someone to finish their sets. It's not it. Go to your GP because that isn't normal.

Oh, and I'm 50, and on tamoxifen.