To feel ignored by DH

[KelliesWellies]

A few months ago DH and I agreed I’d have a year off work for various reasons - the contract came to an end, elderly parents needed care (now sorted), and DC’s started school meaning more lifts needed and childcare etc. He has his own business and earns well. He promised he’d have one day a week off for us time, and we’d both get fit together and rekindle a bit of a spark as we’ve had very little time together, we have no familial support so this was a big thing for me.
He hasn’t taken a day off each week as his work has gotten busy but he can stop work for the football!
I’ve offered to help but he says for me to enjoy my time. I’ve joined the gym and made a real effort with my appearance, but am left feeling like I’ve made all the effort here and he’s not changed. I’m never bored so it’s not that but I do feel quite alone in the relationship in a romantic/sexual way.
I found myself flirting with the window cleaner today because I’m desperate for some male attention!

Why am I being unreasonable?

Step away from the window cleaner, that way misery lies. Sit down somewhere neutral with him and tell him how you feel.

Well, I think flirting with the window cleaner is probably why you're unreasonable! Can you not talk to your DH about how you feel?

You're being unreasonable for being so desperate for attention that you're flirting with random men to boost your ego. I'm self employed and would mentally struggle to have a day off each week doing nothing but hanging out with my partner. I could probably manage an afternoon a month though. Can you compromise on a different routine?

Communicate to him what you’ve communicated to us (except the bit about the window cleaner, don’t communicate that). Don’t frame it as a criticism but as ‘here’s how I’m feeling so how can we sort this together in a way that works for both of us’. The line about feeling romantically and sexually alone in the marriage gets across concisely what the problem is.

I’ve tried asking him for more attention and he just says he’ll try but then doesn’t, but we did agree this would be something we’d both commit to if I was home and took up the bigger share of house/kids stuff. If he wants a trophy wife to cook clean and feed at least he should show some sexual encouragement and affection towards me. Isn’t that what many men want anyway?

It’s a bit easier for you to turn over a new leaf than him - he’s probably feeling worried about supporting the household.

Speak to him, but bear in mind you’re going through this on easy mode while he is still in the trenches.