To think he’s just an abuser

[copingjustfine]

so I wrote a post as while ago about my ex wanting to take our 14 and 15 year old out for school for 5 days for an abroad holiday to
portugal and me worried about getting fines ect, he wanted to take them 06 July-12 july

anyway he paid to renew their passports at £120
but then the girls both decided on their own accord they didn’t want to go as they would be missing a lot of important school stuff esp exams

anyway he sent me and email saying ‘ because you probably put stuff in the kids heads and made them anxious and made the kids not go you will now have to absorb the cost of the passports this month and I’ll only be sending you £30 maintenance instead of £150’

now he’s a gas engineer, he should be paying me more but I accepted £150 a month for our 5 youngest kids to keep peace as he is very volatile and makes my life harder if I ever ever try to ‘cross him’ to protect my mental health I accepted £150 and at least it helped get me through the end of the month

I asked our 15 year old if she feels that I influenced her in anyway not to go and she said no it’s because she has so much at school with being in year 11 next in September,

my ex then messges me again and said ‘you are a grade A chav for telling her about my email ‘

the maintenance was due yesterday, I waited all day and gave him chance, no payment, today waited, no payment so I emailed him asking him to please pay the £150 maintenance in my account by end of the day today. No payment, no response to my email, completely ignored me

he’s due to go on holiday to Porto on Monday with our eldest who is 20 ( who also takes the kick out of me) and I just feel angry, so angry that he can do this to our children and not even care about not providing for them

am I being unreasonable to now go through the CSA? I’m scared tho due to his threats and the backlash.

YANBU but how many children did you have with him?

He pays £150 a month for five of your children and £0 for the rest, and sometimes decides that that's too much?

Totally do it. I'll put a stop to his horrible shit and you'll get the money you deserve.

It sounds like your DC already know he treats you so poorly.

Fuck him, Id do it.

Is he employed or self employed? CMS can be an absolute nightmare with self employment

I’d do it, if he’s holding you to ransom for your maintenance money then you need to get it set up properly.
Is he employed or self employed as a gas engineer?
How many kids have you got, you mention the ‘5 youngest’ are who he is paying maintenance for at £150 per month? That’s £30 each per month, that wouldn’t even touch the sides of the financial need to provide for 5 kids…

How many kids do you have?

Contact cms. He will be forced to pay more than 150. Serve him right for being a dickhead!

Follow this lady on Facebook. She’s great at explaining what to do with knob head ex’s!! https://www.facebook.com/share/17caUMwDyG/?mibextid=wwXIfr

100% i did with my ex and don’t regret it

Yes, go through CMS. Are you afraid of him physically? If it’s just words you can just block him for a while and archive anything aggressive.

If he’s actually threatening you then you may have to contact police. 💐

Straight to csa and tell him all communication goes through a parenting app.

Go through CMS (even if he is self employed, it can't be worse than getting zero when he decides).
Block him.
Send the 20 year old to live with him.

Absolutely go to CSA and I’d tell him when he’s on his way to the airport and ruin his holiday

Definitely got to the CSA.

The only way to deal with these types is to act like you aren’t bothered at all by their threats, and give as good as you get (in terms of enforcing your rights legally).

He’s never going to thank you for being the bigger person or keeping the peace so I wouldn’t bother trying.

Obviously go through CMS and stop communicating with him.

How many kids do you have? Why didn’t he want to take them all? Im confused.

Yep CMS claim now and limit contact with him. Keep a record of any abusive communications and if he kicks off, report him to the police for harassment and intimidation.

Definitely go through the CSA.

Have your phone ready so that if he calls you, you’re able to press record so you have evidence. Take screenshots of any texts or messages he sends to you so he can’t subsequently delete them. Don’t reply. Photograph, record and document everything. And if he so much as looks at you sideways, then report him to the police. Every single time.

I know it’s very easy to think that nobody understands how violent and dangerous these men can be or how scary they are. I promise you I do understand totally. But part of the reason they’re so scary is because you know what they’re like behind closed doors. You’re not behind closed doors anymore. If he’s going into people’s houses, he’ll need a CRB check, or whatever they’re called now. Does he think his employer will keep him on with a caution or conviction for threatening behaviour? He has more to lose than you do. And he’ll know that. He’s banking on you still being scared of him. When you realise that he’s just a noisy little man who likes to make other people feel scared of him so he has some power, the scales will fall from your eyes.