Would you move or stay?

[cheeee]

Long story short I really dislike my neighbour for numerous reasons.

We initially got on but it soon came to light she was one of those women who liked to be involved in everyone's business.
She also asserted herself as the "boss" of the estate.

OH just assumed she was just lonely and that's why she was/is so nosey.

Anytime myself or other neighbour had visitors she would question us and it would make myself and the other neighbour feel quite monitored.

We were confused to how she knew the other neighbours business despite them never talking, she told us innocently one time "On the ring door bell, you never miss anything".

I don't think she is aware that domestic CCTV is only supposed to cover your own property and not your neighbours and the whole street.

About 5 months ago she got a boyfriend who is evidently on drugs and has issues with alcohol.
They have loud parties in the garden with the music on full blast most sunny days.

There is also young children (under 5) in the property when all this is going on.
Im pretty sure the music must wake them up but they don't seem to care.

Me and 2 of the other neighbours have filed complaints about the noise and generic warning letters were issued to all the HA properties here to ensure that she didn't suspect as if she knew it bothered us she would do more stuff to annoy us.

Her boyfriend is quite intimidating.
He stands outside taking pictures of all our houses for whatever reason, he gives us menacing looks with a spliff in his hand when we go past.

We can't stand living here anymore.
Other neighbours have joined Exchange and Homeswapper etc but I want to move asap.

I am looking to get a private rental, the rent would be £250 more a month.
In this area there are hardly any jobs as it's a small town.

Where we would be moving too there are plenty more jobs and opportunities meaning we would be able to afford the £250 more rent monthly.

Just torn really, as this is a lovely area with low crime and good schools etc.

Just wanted advice and if AIBU to leave?

Low crime yet you are living next to someone who is involved with drugs, and is abusing their children!

I would move. Life is too short to live somewhere that makes you miserable.

I’m in a similar situation. If you have the means to move, do it. The relief will be unreal.

my husband is refusing unfortunately. He cannot understand my deep anxiety and I’m at the point I don’t want to leave the house unless I have to

Move. I moved so I don’t have neighbours anymore. Extreme I know but it’s bliss. Small hamlet really spaced out houses and no direct neighbours to piss me off. Go.

Are you in personally a private rental or social housing property? You mention a HA generally.

If private rental, yes move.

If social housing it would be better to try to tackle the behaviour via the housing association and police.

It's a HA property.

The housing Officer has been lovely.

She did suggest we try private renting as she advised us that is the ASB route is often a long winded process.
If we rejoined the housing list, it would potentially take years.

I feel anxious every time I leave the house.
Just feels like I'm being watched 24/7 on her ring door bell.

If you can afford the rent increase, I’d move. The Renters Rights Acts has made private tenancies more secure than they were previously so whilst you do lose some of the advantages of a social tenancy, you do gain choice and freedom from a situation making you miserable.

Your HO is correct that this sort of antisocial behaviour can take years to resolve - the HA being given a court order to take possession is always seen as a last resort, with the tenants given multiple chances to change their behaviour in the meantime.

We did ask for a "managed move" and the HO advised us that this situation wouldn't make us eligible as the situation/circumstances have to be much more severe than this.

We just want to move asap to be honest.

Please don’t give up your assured affordable tenancy for private rented, you are highly unlikely to ever get back into social housing. I really understand how miserable you are but stay and fight this, keep a diary, keep on at your allocated housing officer, don’t stop until they take action, this might start with a mediation session and an acceptable behaviour contract but if nothing improves you can quickly escalate this in your favour. This isn’t grounds for a managed move but you can exchange out and if they escalate their behaviour in response that’s almost in your favour too. These situations make you feel desperate, please don’t give yourself less income and less security at this stage.

@Shesafancyflapjack
At the moment the neighbour dosent know that it is me and another neighbour that have reported her as the HO sent all the HA generic letters to avoid arousing her suspicion.

If it was just her who had just received a letter it would be obvious it was us.

I have felt low than for a year now since she first began letting us know she was monitoring who comes to our house etc.

With her boyfriend taking pictures of our house etc it makes us feel even more on edge.

Its the summer and we want to be able to sit outside in the garden but that isn't happening with the loud music.

Also when we are sat outside and she is there they will start whispering about us.
Shes just an awful nasty bitch and I can't wait to never see her again to be honest.

Could you report her partner for harassment and intimidation for taking photos of your house and potentially you too? I know it’ll feel outing but if he’s gone things might improve while you escape!

If you move to private rented you will lose a secure tenancy as you have less rights. They could sell the property and you have a limited amount of time to find somewhere else, plus repairs may not be done quickly where as HA usually respond much quicker as they have regular contractors they use. I personally would stick it out and keep a record of any antisocial behaviour. Get your neighbours to do the same as the more evidence the better. It is true that it will take time as the HA have to follow a process to evict.

If he is not on the tenancy can’t they remove him from the property.

Unfortunately it sounds like regardless of any complaints you make, they aren't going to change their ways so I think you would not be unreasonable to move, plus it sounds like there are better prospects for you in the new place.

I am in a similar position in that where we live is lovely and quiet, low crime etc etc but our direct neighbour makes living here absolutely miserable and I hate it. I barely leave the house as a result. We plan to move as soon as we've finished renovating and I can't wait.

In your position I’d be very reluctant to give up a HA tenancy for the private sector. It should be her going not you!

I’d say move. I did the same, but granted it was from private rental to private rental, but it was worth the extra money to not have neighbours that made me feel on edge all the time. If you can’t even go home and be relaxed at the end of the day then it’s not really worth staying IMO. Maybe start applying for jobs in the new area now though so you know you’ll be financially okay as the job market right now isn’t great.

Move. She sounds horrific. Doesn’t sound like she’s going anywhere and as such I wouldn’t consider that a nice area.

If moving created opportunities employment wise so the £250 is affordable, I don’t see why you wouldn’t move? I’ve never been in social housing so I’m perhaps being naive but if you can improve your living situation I don’t think keeping a HA flat when affordability isn’t a problem, should be the focus.

I would look for a mutual exchange. There is no way I would give up the security of a HA property for the fickle private rental market.

your neighbour sounds annoying but not so bad that you couldn’t wait a couple of months to try and exchange. I’d have honestly taken your neighbour over my old one!!

Private rental is far more protected now. Move, get yourself a job which will help you settle in the new area, enjoy your life.

Take it as an incentive to move areas and improve your lives.

I think you quite clearly know what you need to do... you can't control what the neighbour and the boyfriend do, you can only control how YOU react and deal with it. Therefore you should take yourself away from the situation seeing as you are able to. The extra £250 will be worth it if you can earn more to cover it, plus your peace of mind is priceless.

I find it disgusting how these people can get away with intimidating behaviour so that they can effectively have their run of places, it should be them who are thrown out and not you having to upend your life. However the reality is that no one is likely to stand up to them (not even the authorities) so get away from there while you can

I would look to exchange and stay in HA.

Move, you do mot want your children growing up next to these people and seeing them get away with it

Move. The burden of stress from having neighbour disputes is so toxic. Your home needs to be a safe haven, not a place where you feel imprisoned by someone else's dramas.

What about the young children are they ok ? You don't mention them.