DS is 4.5 Since January, he's been acting out more than usual, having more accidents, and generally being a bit more difficult. He'd also been telling us that he wasn't allowed to play with anyone at preschool. I talked to preschool on three occasions and mentioned it at every drop-off, and they said it wasn't true, he was a social butterfly; he's always happy when they see him...
Last week we found out this was not true. Preschool has apologised, but essentially said one child didn't want him to play, and started screaming at other children who played with him, so they mostly stopped. They've described as a "persistent exclusion pattern driven by one child", and said that he only really gets to play if a girl he knows from outside of preschool barters him in, or ditches the game they're playing to play with him. I'm waiting for a meeting to understand more, but they've refunded me for all the hours paid for since January, and said information wasn't shared effectively between staff members and they thought he'd be more upset and vocal, so they didn't think what the children were telling them was true, as he wasn't crying. He's not really a crier.
We've stopped DS going on days when the exclusionary girl is there, and he already seems a bit calmer, and accidents have stopped... but he's also totally lost his confidence, and seems to believe he has no friends. He's very intensely bonded to the girl who helped him, and he talks about her constantly. DH has been taking him to playgroups and activities this week and is concerned that he's now behaving very timidly; he's overwhelmingly quiet and nervous.
He's due to go to school in September. The school he's currently going to will also have the girl he's bonded with, plus another girl he knows. He's keen to go with her. It's larger, with better physical, sensory and structured provisions - weekly forest school, swimming on-site, a dedicated art room, regular focus time. It's a 5-minute walk from our house. It's a religious school, though, and we are not religious. We didn't expect it to be quite as religious as it has seemed to be, since we got added to the app and had the parents' evening...
We've been offered our other preference. It's a lot smaller and rougher round the edges. It's futher from home - a 20-minute walk - but still logistically doable each day. It prides itself on excellent SEN support, staff who know every child, strong local connections, a buddy system.
DH now thinks school B could be a fresh start for him as he doesn't know anyone going there, and they've invited him to go to their settling session next week, the day after the first schools... but is that more confusion for him?
I'm concerned that if he goes with the good friend, he won't look to make any other friends. He's ended up quite protective and shy and even when we spent a month abroad this year, kept saying he didn't need to make new friends as he had X. But if he doesn't, he'll be heartbroken and blame us, and we'll have split up what could be a really sweet, healthy friendship?
Any thoughts? I'd be grateful for opinions!