..to tell my father to do one

[Wherethereisntawill]

Apologies for the length, I'll try and keep it brief.

TLDR: should I tell a man who has never shown any interest in his family to piss off with his desire to chase his inheritance.

My father is the ultimate hands off dad. Several wives, several children. Only ever involved in the life of the youngest (who has now died).

I was brought up by his parents. They weren't great. Grandma mentally ill and my father subsequently didn't figure much in my life, Occasional visits and took me on holiday a couple of times. I eventually went NC with my grandparents. They split up and my grandma stayed in the house. She died 30 years ago (my grandfather predeceased her).

The house was sold and her daughter (my aunt) as far as I know took the money. She gave some to me. I doubt there would have been much as the house was mortgaged and in a state. I never questioned this as my aunt tried to maintain contact -despite the impact on her own MH - liaised with health care about her mother, tried to make sure she was OK, arranged the funeral, despite her mother being quite abusive to her. My father was nowhere to be seen. Didn't go to the funeral.

For added context my aunt also made sure her father was in a home near her when he got dementia and stayed in close contact with him. Frankly the woman was a saint and deserved any penny she got.

My aunt has since died, her estate has gone to her husband. In the meantime my father has recently been in touch. Apparently as he is now an old man he wants to make amends and is writing to all the people he has 'wronged'. This will take him a while. He is in a home overseas. Apparently comfortably off.

Anyway he now wants to know what has happened to the money from 'his mother's house'. He assumed the money was illegally taken my his sister (my aunt) and has now gone to her widower, and is determined to 'pursue this'. This is a man who didn't give a shiny shit about his mother when she was alive.

I was happy to keep some minimal contact by email on the basis that he is an old, dying man. Now I'd like to just tell him to do one. Added context, I haven't seen him for over 30 years and apart from the very, very rare birthday card barely heard from him up until a couple of years ago.

ETA: I have no idea if my grandma made a will, but I highly doubt it

YANBU: Just tell him to bugger off with his sudden interest in his family
YABU: He's entitled to his inheritance

No idea where he stands legally but morally I think you are not being unreasonable in the slightest!

YANBU!! I'd tell him where to go.

Tell him to piss off and then block all contact.

I wouldn’t help him at all, but if he wants to find out if there was a Will he can make an application online, pay a small fee ( I think less than £10), and get a copy.
I don’t know if all Wills are recorded, or just limited to ones held by solicitors, or where Probate was required, but if he’s interested he could check that.
Maybe just suggest he looks at Gov.UK website. Otherwise leave him to it.

I'd tell him you don't think he's entitled to anything given that he didn't give a shit about his mother when she was alive 🤷‍♀️ and if you're only in touch with occasional emails, I'd stop all contact if that's what you want to do.

He sounds hard work. Tell him to do one.

I would say I assume he had been cut out the will as he hadn’t been present.

A quick Google has found this;

Inheritance Act claims must be commenced within the limitation period, which is six months from the date of issue of the Grant of Probate or Letters of Administration.

I distract he doesn't have any legal rights to the money at this point.

And no, YADNBU.

The inheritance act applied to England and Wales, just in case that's not the case here.

Tell him it's nothing to do with you!

He either has no legal case (if there was a will he wasn't named in which was administored correctly) or a weak legal case because he's waited until after the death of your Aunt.

He can't claim against your uncle because he inherited lawfully from your aunt. He's not responsible for historical obligations unless the money was held in a trust or the estate is reopened.

He could have had a claim (if there wasn't a will excluding him or there was a will that your aunt ignored) while your aunt was alive or against your aunt's estate just after she died before it was settled.

You could tell him to go online to find out if there was a will and if probate was granted. Or just ignore the situation, and tell him figure it out. Which I think I'd be inclined to do. Your poor uncle

Thank you for the responses. The thing I'm finding difficult I suppose is I thought he'd had some sort of epiphany. That maybe he'd realised he hadn't been the best, but wanted to make amends. Then he starts with the bullshit.

I think I’d reply ‘maybe it was used as child maintenance for the kids you kept having and not looking after?’ And I’d never reply again.

My father has acted terribly to me and now is an old man who wants to see me and my kids - ‘how can he possibly put things right?’ He’d like to know. Without a Time Machine he can’t! He made his bed.

Thank you. This is very clear and helpful. My aunt didn't even die that recently. It was a few years ago. I let him know, as she was his sister, and he wasn't interested. I think he's probably got too much time on his hands. I would honestly think though at some point he'd say to himself "Maybe I should stop being such an arse".

Well yes. There is that. Seven children I know of. Only one raised even partially with his input. Spent his life chasing ever younger women.

You mention your father and lack of parenting, that he was a bad father. But you don't mention anything about your mother at all, just that you were brought up by your grandparents.
Was your mother not in your life?
I am sorry you are going through this with your father.....

I would go back and say you have no idea. Tell him he needs to look and see if probate was granted and if so he can take it from there. If it wasn’t there was no estate normally

then I would ignore from now on

Not being unreasonable at all. Tell him to do one.

And if appropriate and you are in contact, tell your aunts husband to do the same!

I wouldn't give him the time of day. That means I would send nothing.

Do they not publish legal notices regarding deaths and estates? Let him fritter away his money on trying to get money out of aunt's husband.

I'd give aunt's husband a heads up.

You aunt couldn't have sold her mother's house if it didn't belong to her (either left to her in the will or signed over before her mother's death). And if a person dies intestate there are rules on what happens - what went to her kids would have been split equally.

You don't owe your father anything on this - just give him a very bland "I wouldn't know anything about that", and leave it. If he thinks there's anything he can "pursue", it's for him to work out how.