I don't know where to post this, so I'm posting here, thought it's better somewhere parents can answers rather than teenagers pretending to be adults, so here I'm
I'm 32 year old man, living in Madrid. I have a 3 year old son with my ex-girlfriend who is also 32 year. We live about 20 minutes apart. Neither of us is married or seeing anyone else (at least as far as I know).
We were together for almost 10 years. She was the one who ended the relationship. It absolutely crushed me. I honestly thought we'd spend our lives together, so the breakup hit me hard.
About a month after we broke up, she told me she was pregnant. The baby was mine, and she wanted to keep him. From that point on, I decided that regardless of what happened between us, I wanted to be a good father.
I went to every scan and every doctor's appointment she wanted me at. I helped financially even though she has a very well-paying job herself. It was never about money to me.
After our son was born, things stayed pretty much the same relationship wise. She was the primary parent, and I visited on weekends. Right after the birth I stayed with them for about two months to help, then we went back to living separately. Whenever she has work trips, our son stays with me. We've settled into a routine that works well, and we're genuinely good co-parents.
Around a year after he was born, something changed between us. We became much closer again. We started sleeping together occasionally. It isn't a regular relationship it's more on and off, usually whenever life slows down enough for either of us to breathe. Neither of us has ever sat down and defined what it means.
Outside of that, we're incredibly involved in each other's lives. We have a joint account for our son. She actually manages my monthly budget and salary because she's far better with finances than I am, and I trust her completely. Sometimes we go out just the two of us for dinner or drinks. Other times we spend the day together as a family with our son. Holidays, birthdays, little outingsit often feels like we're a family, and then we go back to our separate homes.
The confusing part is that we've never called ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend again. We've never talked about getting back together. We've never had the "what are we?" conversation.
I still love her. Honestly, I don't think I ever stopped. I don't want this half-in, half-out situation forever. I don't just want to coparent or occasionally sleep together. I want to build a life with her. I want her to be my wife someday.
But I'm scared that I'm reading too much into everything because I still have feelings. Maybe she's just comfortable with the arrangement. Maybe she sees me as a trusted coparent and someone familiar, while I'm seeing signs that aren't actually there.
I know the obvious answer is "talk to her," and I probably need to. I guess I'm posting because I want an outside perspective before I risk changing what we already have.