To want to breastfeed past 1 yr without her saying it's 'a bit psychologically dodgy'?

[sushistar]

Saw a friend who I havn't seen since before our babies were born. She's trying to switch her dd, who's 6 months, to formula. I'm still breastfeeding ds, who's 7 months. Her dd has allergies, has to be weaned onto soy formula.

She asked if I was intending to stop bfeeding anytime soon. No, I say, there's no need - I'm working from home so can continue to bfeed. Why is she switching to formula, I ask - is she planning to go back to work? No, she says, she just thinks it's a bit wierd to breastfeed too long, and she's tired of avoiding dairy in her own diet. Fair enough, her choice. But she continues to explain she thinks it's a bit wierd, especially for boys () to breast feed past one year, that it will give them 'mixed messages', that it's 'psychologically a bit dodgy'.

WTF? AIBU to think she's implying that my desire to bfeed past 1 year has some sort of sexual connotation?!?!?!? And AIBU to think she's completly out of order?

oh I have a little prepared response for twats like this.
just put on a really concerned expression and say "Oh I didn't have you down as the kind of person to have hangups about breastfeeding! now isn't that interesting! I am sorry to hear that; I wonder where that comes from?"

I don't get it. How can anything that you have done thousands and thousands of times in a year - that you do maybe up to eight times a day have a sexual element?! Who could be arsed on those grounds.

My mum was going on like your friend the other day, I felt like I had to really justify myself to her (re breastfeeding past 6 months) - why I didn't switch on to ff which I think is more faffy and difficult when dd is v happy bfing thank you very much. I still don't think she gets it.

harpsi, excellent comeback!! I'm definitely using that one.

I guess I took it a bit to heart cos I expected a bit more enlightened opinion from her, iykwim. And I really didn't like even the hint of casting sexualized aspertions on this lovely, pure, happy, natural bfeeding relationship I feel I have with ds. I don't want any suggestion of 'dodgyness' in it!

Extremely weird of her to put a sexual cast on your breastfeeding your baby. Don't you start to feel weird about it. She is the one who has a bit of distortion going on.

Then it's one of those it's their problem not yours situations, I think.

Some people feel the need to make their choices sound like the only sensible one- I know someone like this- 'ooh breasfeeding is the best thing in the world', then because she weaned her DD off at 6 months, ff feeding became the best thing ever, and 'oh I can't believe anyone would want to carry on BF'..it's irritating but ultimately their problem, not yours, and plenty of people in the world agree with you.

totally agree sushi. Just remember, you are feeding your baby the way that women have throughout history, for literally squillions of years. Thing of all those beautiful works of art with women breastfeeding. You are doing exactly what nature and evolution intended you to do. Noone should make you feel weird about it, it is their psychological 'take' on things that makes them feel like this, not something you need to worry about.

Check this out

www.breastfeedingart.net/

This one's good too: www.breastfeeding.com/artgallery.html

admittedly there is one pair of boobs on the first site that is a bit scary but, y'know, with the wonders of modern nursing bras I'm sure there's no need to worry about that (crosses fingers and toes)

Lovely link anyfulekno!
I guess I was shocked - is that what people think when I feed ds in public? Or, if not now, is that what they'll think if I'm feeding him in a few months time?

Don't start doubting yourself.

YANBU - I breastfed DD until she was 21 months and so far as I can tell she appears to be psychologically balanced. UNICEF encourage mums to feed for up to 2 years - have a look here

PS perhaps she wasn't BF at all - apparantly it aids the development of intellect

Could she be a bit gutted she has to stop and so has almost demanded to know when you're stopping and sort of jealously made negative comments about you? (If it's a dietry/allergy problem)

Just strikes me as odd that someone with real BF'ding issues would go to 6 months IFYSWIM. I know people with real issues who never put their nipples in the babies mouths and it never pricked their consciences!

I thought that too, but some people have ishoos with bfeeding once they are past the little baby stage- for some unknown reason- I encountered this before.

TBH I think I would have asked to consider whether she has issues in that she can make a dubious connection between a baby boy and breastfeeding.
I would wonder what kind of a strange mind makes that particular leap

She wants you to do what she does and think what she thinks. It (in her head) validates her choices.

But it's a common thing. My very pro-bf mother was delighted when I stopped at 14 months. Her support didn't seem to stretch beyond a year sadly and she also made the idiotic "once they can ask for it" comment. We had a bit of a row about that actually.

My dh got antsy after 12 months as well actually and his attitude was instrumental to me stopping. I actually gave ds quite a few "secret" feeds after I'd stopped. It made me very sad that my support just drifted away for no good reason. And sad that I wasn't strong enough to tell them to stuff their opinions.

I think she is very unreasonable to foist her opinions on you like this - anyone would have to realise that this is very insensitive at best and insulting at worst to you!

I think a lot of people do think bf over 6 motnhs is strange though. Not sure where this comes from but in my experience it's not unusual. most people though will have more tact than to tell you this though - your baby equals your choice!

I would also dispute your prexumption that because she has an opinion on everything she muct be very confident. In my opinion the opposite is usually true - people who are confident quietly get on with things and don't need the validation from others. Those who bang on about their strong opinions usually want you to reinforce the fact that they are right.

Well, from what you've all said I need to get ready for some negative opinions over the next months/years! How horrible to have to give your ds 'secret' feeds booktheif. And how very very odd that something most people are all for when the baby's born is sudennly not ok when they reach a certain age! I mean I'm not talking about 'extreme' extended breastfeeding (not that there's anything wrong with that if that's what you want to do) but just for a year or two!

She's just looking for an excuse as she wants to stop Breast feeding and is secretly feeling gulity, about it and jealous of you for wanting to continue. Im still fedding my 18 month old and also fed my son until he was 20 months- perfectly normal.

HC, I have suggested your technique (changing 'breastfeeding' to 'gender identity') on another thread, and everyone was v impressed. I did give you credit.