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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to cancel this service due to mum friend flakiness?

18 replies

CheeseStrings55 · 29/06/2026 09:00

Met another mum in the area and did a few play dates. All good. She then became incredibly flakey and let me down a lot (cancelling on the day, forgetting, not booking tickets for events we agreed to go) . After one event where I ended up going alone, I stopped bothering.

Recently she started a business and it was a service I require soon and reached out. Her work is great. Following this she asked to catch up for a dinner, we arranged and I booked a place with deposit. On the day she cancelled due to sickness, and I was charged the deposit as it was only a few hours before that she let me know.

A few days later she messaged me apologetic again, offered to pay the deposit and wanted to rearrange. Against my better judgement, I agreed a day , we both 'locked it in' . I sent a message re doing xyz.... no reply for 2 weeks and I didn't bother to chase (like I usually do!)
I did not hear back... Until the day after the scheduled meet where she seemed oblivious of missing our meet and said she'd been sick again. When I pointed out we were suppose to meet yesterday it was simply a 'lol oops' type reply.

Oh, she has never actually paid me the deposit back that I lost for our dinner booking and it's been a month!

AIBU to cancel the service I have booked as I just cannot trust her to fulfill it as she is so flaky and seems oblivious to her flakiness to be honest. I won't be scheduling to meet her again.

OP posts:
LoafofSellotape · 29/06/2026 09:03

I wouldn't have anything to do with her and yes I would cancel it,see how she likes them apples!

ShetlandishMum · 29/06/2026 09:05

Cancel her service and leave it.

PurpleDisco · 29/06/2026 09:22

It sounds like your ‘friend’ could be prone to depression and is an up and down type of person based on what mood she’s in that day. In my experience, flaky people usually have some kind of mental health issue going on, even just anxiety. It’s not that they just can’t be bothered or have got a better offer. They often appear jolly / bubbly but it’s a bit of a cover up. Do you think this could be the case? Unless she has support she’ll find it hard to run a business as clients will need her to be reliable constantly not just sometimes.

CheeseStrings55 · 29/06/2026 09:26

PurpleDisco · 29/06/2026 09:22

It sounds like your ‘friend’ could be prone to depression and is an up and down type of person based on what mood she’s in that day. In my experience, flaky people usually have some kind of mental health issue going on, even just anxiety. It’s not that they just can’t be bothered or have got a better offer. They often appear jolly / bubbly but it’s a bit of a cover up. Do you think this could be the case? Unless she has support she’ll find it hard to run a business as clients will need her to be reliable constantly not just sometimes.

So often when she cancels , she may even post out and about later that day.

When we were going for dinner, she posted being out for cocktails the night before ... so I thought it might have been a hangover actually.

OP posts:
LordofMisrule1 · 29/06/2026 09:41

Of course YANBU. I'm kinda surprised you'd even need to crowdsource this, why would you ever think it wouldn't be okay to cancel the service with her? Is there a back story why that would feel harsh or something?

Just send her a message saying 'I was just checking my banking app and it looks like the deposit you sent me has gone missing, please could you check on your end where it is?' to get your deposit money back. And once you have it, be done with her.

SylvanMoon · 29/06/2026 09:59

As others have said, she's got an issue with being reliable for some reason. Since I've no idea what "the service" is that she's offering that you need, it's difficult to anticipate if she's equally flaky where she's likely to receive money rather than friendship. But if it's something that you've already booked with her (i.e. some sort of appointment), and assuming you haven't paid yet, I'd cancel it at the last moment (whatever period might be stipulated in her T&C for cancellations and payments). And definitely don't spend any more £ making bookings that are dependent on her.

cramptramp · 29/06/2026 10:01

Even if she wasn’t oblivious to her selfishness (known as flakiness on MN for some reason) I’d cancel and never speak to her again.

Happyjoe · 29/06/2026 10:08

Whatever service you've paid for, I think she may let you down. She's used to it and won't hold you into high regard like she would a customer she doesn't know. I simply wouldn't trust her anymore.

Kim5678 · 29/06/2026 10:11

Definitely not unreasonable, I wouldn’t trust her to fulfill the service as she is so unreliable. She doesn’t care about your time (or money). Without knowing what it is, if she is new to it she might not be very good anyway. I would cancel and say I don’t need it anymore, then not speak to her again

HoppityBun · 29/06/2026 10:13

YWBVVU if you went ahead and used her service!

CheeseStrings55 · 29/06/2026 11:28

Thanks phew! Sometimes just need sanity check!

OP posts:
Pootles34 · 29/06/2026 11:33

Sorry I'm not clear - you say her work is great. Is the flakiness just social? If so I'd probably use her still, just not socially?

ABitFab · 29/06/2026 11:36

I would cancel the service because she doesn't really value the friendship

CheeseStrings55 · 29/06/2026 11:39

Pootles34 · 29/06/2026 11:33

Sorry I'm not clear - you say her work is great. Is the flakiness just social? If so I'd probably use her still, just not socially?

Yes but at our dinner we were suppose to discuss the 'service' and plan it out aswell. Sorry being vague!

OP posts:
Motnigh · 29/06/2026 11:47

Cancel and send her the lol message back to her!

SylvanMoon · 29/06/2026 11:57

CheeseStrings55 · 29/06/2026 11:39

Yes but at our dinner we were suppose to discuss the 'service' and plan it out aswell. Sorry being vague!

If you haven't actually booked this "service" (I can't imagine what it is tbh), I'd just drop the idea of having it done by her and go elsewhere if it's something you need done. If you have booked a specific date and time for it, but if it's so informal that you're "planning" it over a meal, I'd also just "forget" about it and not even bother cancelling it or contacting her about it (or anything else) again. It's only if she is running a proper business and has stipulated terms for cancellations and payments that I'd cancel at the very last minute.

honeylulu · 29/06/2026 11:58

Yes cancel the service ASAP. "Sorry, I need to cancel as can't proceed with this."

I wouldn't give a reason unless she asks and then I'd say it's because you don't think you can rely on her given how forgetful/unreliable she is. It's TRUE.

She sounds ridiculously flaky if she flakes on a customer who is interested in paying to use her service. I suspect however good her work is, her business won't last long with that sort of carry on unless it's a really rare/niche thing and she's got a waiting list or something.

YorksMa · 29/06/2026 12:02

Seriously, life's too short to fanny around with people like this.

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