AIBU to expect help with nights and mornings on his week off?

[atait1502]

My partner works 7 shifts on and 7 off. He works 2pm-12. I am a SAHM to a 2 year old. I have done every single night wake ( our daughter still wakes multiple times every night ) morning, and bedtime since she was born. I haven’t had one lie in since she was born either. I’ve done it all through anxiety, stress, grief, sickness, and just powered through as anytime I talk to him about it, it’s shut down and made about how he is so tired, and more tired than me. I totally appreciate he’s tired from work, but i feel like I’m running on fumes most of the time.

I never ask him to wake up on his days at work, but on his days off he tends to stay in bed till around 12 most days, regardless if I try and wake him say around 9/10. Our daughter wakes about 6-6.30. Is this just the norm? And just what comes with being a SAHM? He doesn’t do much overall regarding housework, he’s never taken our daughter anywhere on his own or anything either. I just don’t know how to navigate it, as it just turns into a conversation about how I don’t appreciate the fact he goes to work enough.

This is not OK or reasonable behaviour from him; you are being perfectly reasonable, and he needs to grow up. Is he the type that spends his days off gaming? Does he have any male parenting role models in his life you can compare to.
Don't let your career get away from you, you may need it yourself.

Get back to work.
Pay for childcare and for goodness sake don't inflict him on another child.

He doesn't even know his daughter. What a disappointing excuse for a dad and a partner.

If he’s not stepped up by now he never will.
Don't have any more children with him.
I’d get back to work asap if I were you.

@atait1502 Read this.

When your husband isn't working you should be sharing housework and childcare 50/50 OP. It would be different if your child was in school and you had time to yourself but at the moment you are on 24/7 and he gets every other week off! Really unfair and selfish of him. YANBU and it isn't the norm. My DH and I have always done equal amounts in terms of housework and looking after the kids. I do work but when I was on maternity leave my husband would do nights at the weekend so I could catch up on sleep and he would have made dinner etc and we did family outings together. You are a fab mum and clearly very patient.

No it’s not normal for a father to be entirely disengaged from family life like this.
Did he want a child?

I can’t imagine he will change after acting like this for 2 years. He hasn’t ever woken up with his child or taken her out a single time? Surely you look around you and you can see that isn’t usual?

IMO he should get one lie in perhaps to reset himself but other than that he should he a fully productive member of the household. Your a stay at home mum for 7/8 hours a day not 24.

So he has the whole day off and doesn’t really do any parenting? Presumably, he gets in bed at say 2am on his working days and I’d expect him to sleep until 9/10am like a normal person would, but then surely, he has 4 ish hours a day when he could be taking over to give you a break. And yes, on his days off, which must be 3 days a week if he’s working 10 hour days, he should be able to do bedtimes and/or get up in the morning. When our eldest was little, Dh was working a FT job, commuting, starting a business in the evenings, so often doing web design or product development til midnight, and was still doing bathtimes every night plus was up making every bottle so I could do the feed until dd was 9 months old. I literally consciously remember the first time I ever got up to get her bottle at 9 months because we were away visiting family (and Dh had had a bit too much to drink!). Otherwise, he was there supporting me every night, despite working like 60 hours a week.