I really need some outside perspective because I feel like I'm going mad.
I was harassed by a woman (let's call her X) for months. She was having an affair with my partner and when it all came out, she subjected me to a campaign of abusive messages, threats, and emotional manipulation. She sent me graphic details of their relationship, pictures, and repeatedly threatened self-harm and suicide – things like "if anything happens to me tonight it's on your head" and "I'm stood at the pier right now." It was relentless.
I reported it to the police. I provided screenshots, voice notes, everything.
The police gave her a Community Resolution Order.
I was NOT properly consulted. They didn't ask if I agreed. They didn't explain what it meant properly. They just did it. No prosecution, no court, no criminal record. Nothing.
I feel completely dismissed. I thought they would have investigated properly – I gave them so much evidence – but instead they just closed it without even properly consulting me.
How this has affected my life:
This has completely turned my life upside down. I can't sleep properly – I lie awake going over everything, wondering what I could have done differently. I've lost trust in people. I jump every time my phone goes off because I'm terrified it will be another message from her or someone else involved in this mess.
I've had to take time off work because I couldn't concentrate. My mental health has suffered – I feel anxious all the time, I've had panic attacks, and I feel like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. Even simple things like going to the shops or taking my children out feel stressful because I'm scared of running into her or her friends.
My relationship with my partner has been destroyed. We were together for 13 years and had built a life together – a home, children, plans for the future. Now all of that is gone because of her manipulation and lies. My children have been devastated. They've seen their parents fall apart and have had to deal with the fallout of something none of them asked for.
To make matters worse, false social services reports have been made about me. Someone has reported me to social services with allegations that I know are completely untrue. This has been terrifying. I am a good mother – my children are my world – and to have my parenting called into question by false accusations has been absolutely devastating. I now live in fear that social services will turn up at my door and I'll have to defend myself against lies. The stress of this alone has been unbearable.
I have done nothing wrong. I have tried to protect my children throughout this whole nightmare, and yet I am the one being dragged through false accusations.
But here is why I am even more worried about X:
- X has admitted in writing that she retracted a police statement about sexual assault and domestic violence against the father of her child because she was threatened. She lost custody of that child as a result.
- That child – now 7 – is living with that father. She is medically vulnerable and awaiting brain surgery. She is completely dependent on her carers.
- X has been in three separate "abusive relationships" where she is always the victim – but takes zero accountability for repeatedly exposing her children to high-risk men. She has already lost custody of three children.
- Another child (a toddler) is under a Special Guardianship Order – which legally means the child cannot be living with her. This has made me question whether she is being honest about her living situation or legal status with her children.
- She is currently pregnant with my partner's child.
- Months before I even knew about the affair, she messaged me asking if my partner could "actually have more kids." She had a pregnancy scare (which she later claimed was a "false positive") months before I discovered the affair. She told me she saw a "future with him" from the very start. I believe she deliberately targeted him to get pregnant – this is reproductive coercion.
- I also believe she will accuse my partner of domestic abuse. Given her pattern of always being the "victim" in every relationship, and the fact she has already retracted one statement against a previous partner, I am genuinely worried she will make false allegations against him.
- The police told me there is a six-month time limit on harassment and their DFU unit is running five months behind. I understand this is the law, but I still feel like my case has been completely dismissed.
My question about social services and the 7-year-old:
I am particularly worried about the 7-year-old girl living with the father X accused of abuse. She is medically vulnerable and awaiting brain surgery. Under the Children Act 1989, if a local authority receives information that a child may be at risk of significant harm because of domestic abuse, Social Services have a legal duty to take action – this may lead to a Section 47 enquiry being launched.
Given that:
- X admitted in writing that she retracted a statement against this man because she was threatened
- There is another alleged assault from 2 years ago
- The child is medically vulnerable and awaiting brain surgery
- The child is completely dependent on her carers
Shouldn't social services be doing a Section 47 enquiry immediately? A Section 47 enquiry means Children's Social Care must carry out an investigation when they have "reasonable cause to suspect that a child who lives, or is found, in their area is suffering, or is likely to suffer, significant harm."
I have reported my concerns, but I don't know what happens next. Does anyone know what social services should actually be doing in a situation like this? Should they be speaking to the child? Should they be speaking to the father? Should they be speaking to the hospital given her medical vulnerability? I feel like this child is at serious risk and I don't know if social services are taking it seriously enough.
Why this just does not add up in my mind:
Something just does not add up. X claims to be this vulnerable victim who has been abused by every man she has ever been with. She says she has been in three abusive relationships and has lost custody of three children because of these men and an unfair system. She says she retracted a sexual assault statement because she was threatened. She says she is a good mother who has been failed by everyone.
But then:
- She deliberately got pregnant to trap him- after breaking up with him for 5 days
- She used suicide threats to control him
- She faked evidence and lied to hospital staff
- She has a toddler under a Special Guardianship Order – which legally means she cannot be that child's primary carer
- She has already lost custody of three children
- False social services reports have been made about me – and I can't help but wonder if she is behind them
She says she is always the victim. But the evidence shows she is also a perpetrator. She manipulates, she lies, she controls, she exploits. She uses children as weapons and she uses the system to get what she wants.
This just does not add up. How can someone who claims to be such a victim also be so calculating? How can she have lost three children and still be seen as a vulnerable parent? How can she be allowed to have another baby when she already has a toddler under a Special Guardianship Order?
I just don't understand it. None of it makes sense to me.
Am I Being Unreasonable to complain about this? And what can I actually do?
I know Victims' Right to Review doesn't apply to community resolutions, but I've read I can make a formal complaint about the process – that they didn't investigate properly, didn't consult me, and shouldn't have used a CRO for what was clearly more serious harassment.
Has anyone else been through this? Did you complain? What happened? I feel so let down by the system.
Also, if anyone works in social services or has experience with these kinds of situations, I'd really appreciate your perspective. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it go? I can't shake the feeling that this woman is dangerous and the authorities are just not taking it seriously enough.
Thanks for reading. I know it's long but I'm at my wit's end.