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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask where to meet men without online dating?

46 replies

Lonelymarrusge · 27/06/2026 15:59

Where can I meet a man for friendship and companionship without using online dating? I’m in my late 30’s. I don’t go to bars/clubs and don’t want to meet sleazy men on the internet.

I live in London so must be lots of ways but I don’t know.

OP posts:
Lonelymarrusge · 27/06/2026 19:41

Thank you for the suggestions. So to give a background: I’ve been married for 15 years. In that time I have been loyal to DH, through all his affairs and everything. We haven’t had sex for 8 years now. I feel invisible. We are separated but living together. I just want to feel wanted and attractive again. I don’t know if anyone can understand what I’m feeling? Has anyone been through this? Right now my life is the kids, work and the house. I’ve not nurtured any friendships. I have lots of female acquaintances to go for coffee/dinner but I need some male company to help me realise not all men are like DH. I hope I’m making sense. I don’t know if I can be with another man again but maybe friendship is a place to start? I don’t think DH would care if I was to go and sleep with someone! But right now I feel I can’t be disloyal to him but I need to feel wanted.

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 27/06/2026 19:53

That is just not going to happen. Men want a shag.

Summerhillsquare · 27/06/2026 20:05

Sports. Running, cycling, climbing, shooting...

Rubyofftherails · 27/06/2026 20:17

You say you don't like clubbing, but honestly try your nearest Popworld on a Saturday night!

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 27/06/2026 20:40

There are tons of hobbies that have predominantly male participants. Model railways, kit building, model rocketry, radio-controlled aircraft/boats/vehicles, metal detecting, classic cars, motorbikes, trucks, fishing, electronics, programming, not to mention the vast range of tabletop RPGs like Warhammer 40K, Dungeons & Dragons, MTG etc. Take your pick.

ExplodingSmittens · 27/06/2026 20:42

Lonelymarrusge · 27/06/2026 19:41

Thank you for the suggestions. So to give a background: I’ve been married for 15 years. In that time I have been loyal to DH, through all his affairs and everything. We haven’t had sex for 8 years now. I feel invisible. We are separated but living together. I just want to feel wanted and attractive again. I don’t know if anyone can understand what I’m feeling? Has anyone been through this? Right now my life is the kids, work and the house. I’ve not nurtured any friendships. I have lots of female acquaintances to go for coffee/dinner but I need some male company to help me realise not all men are like DH. I hope I’m making sense. I don’t know if I can be with another man again but maybe friendship is a place to start? I don’t think DH would care if I was to go and sleep with someone! But right now I feel I can’t be disloyal to him but I need to feel wanted.

Edited

I’m sorry but it doesn’t sound as though you are anywhere near the stage where you’d be ready to start meeting Men yet. I’d concentrate on your friendships until everyone is finalised with your Ex.

BadLad · 28/06/2026 00:30

Pub. Stick a quid in the fruit machine and then stand there looking confused.

Within a microsecond some fruit machine nobend will appear at your side to mansplain how it works.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 28/06/2026 16:21

I'm confused about what you want from this hypothetical man. I've got lots of make friends. I've met some through female friends. Some through work. Some by starting a conversation on a bus, or in a supermarket queue. I've met them when I was working behind a bar and waitresses. I've made friends when doing a house viewing. Others while studying in college. Some at the school gates. And some at the sports clubs I volunteered at. Start a new hobby, go to the gym, have a coffee in your local cafe, get back into education. The choice is yours.
The "trick" is be actually BE "genuine". No ulterior motive. Smile. Talk to people.

Pherian · 28/06/2026 18:18

Lonelymarrusge · 27/06/2026 15:59

Where can I meet a man for friendship and companionship without using online dating? I’m in my late 30’s. I don’t go to bars/clubs and don’t want to meet sleazy men on the internet.

I live in London so must be lots of ways but I don’t know.

Hobby groups ? Singles holiday tours ?

Meadowfinch · 28/06/2026 18:21

Take up clay pigeon shooting or golf, or something like that. Not so strenuous that there's no opportunity to chat, but something popular with men of the age group you are looking for.

LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 28/06/2026 18:28

Do the online dating but put in your profile exactly what you want.

orangespikeyfrog · 28/06/2026 21:55

Lonelymarrusge · 27/06/2026 19:41

Thank you for the suggestions. So to give a background: I’ve been married for 15 years. In that time I have been loyal to DH, through all his affairs and everything. We haven’t had sex for 8 years now. I feel invisible. We are separated but living together. I just want to feel wanted and attractive again. I don’t know if anyone can understand what I’m feeling? Has anyone been through this? Right now my life is the kids, work and the house. I’ve not nurtured any friendships. I have lots of female acquaintances to go for coffee/dinner but I need some male company to help me realise not all men are like DH. I hope I’m making sense. I don’t know if I can be with another man again but maybe friendship is a place to start? I don’t think DH would care if I was to go and sleep with someone! But right now I feel I can’t be disloyal to him but I need to feel wanted.

Edited

I m in a long term unhappy relationship which. At the moment in dealing with too much else to end it he’s completely emotionally unavailable and I feel invisible I’ve found comfort with. Exes both living overseas both relationships ended over 25 years ago but one I eve been friends with since then and were I touch a few times a year I still have his letters from years ago which. I reread to remind me I was wanted and attractive once he recently messaged saying he thinks of me often . It s just an ego boost that brightens up my day . The other is a holiday romance from my backpacking days ive reconnected with inn the last could of months again it’s just texts reminiscing over shared memories but it gets me through whst is a crappy time in my life

Ace56 · 29/06/2026 05:08

I don’t really understand what you’re wanting. If you want to feel attractive/wanted, then surely you want more than a platonic friendship? If a man wants to sleep with you then it wouldn’t be fair to lead him on just as a friend. Do you actually want to date, with the opportunity to sleep with someone or be romantic with someone again? Doesn’t need to be a relationship but if you’re ‘dating’ then there will be some expectation of sexual intimacy.

Whatthefork1 · 29/06/2026 06:51

I think you would really struggle to find what you’re looking for. Not many men of that age would be looking for just a friendship with a woman unfortunately. You say you want to feel attractive and wanted, which I totally understand but then if you’re just looking for friendship then those two things don’t really go together.

How old are your children? Maybe you could meet a single father at the park or a children’s group or something similar.

Heyhelga · 29/06/2026 06:59

Get a part time bar job at your local golf club.

JoyousOpalLemur · 29/06/2026 07:10

Why is it a no to online dating?

ExplodingSmittens · 29/06/2026 07:56

JoyousOpalLemur · 29/06/2026 07:10

Why is it a no to online dating?

Have you read her updates? I don’t know if she addresses what’s wrong with OLD but I’m really not sure she’s ready for any kind of dating.

Badbadbunny · 29/06/2026 08:01

Clubs, societies, groups, voluntary work - anywhere you can have a shared interest to break down barriers and make friends.

Spaghettimonsta · 29/06/2026 08:11

So you are looking for ways yiu could sort of test out the possibility of cheating on your husband without actually going through with it (yet)?

Yeah this is why bars were invented. Get dolled up, shoot the shit with some men.

InterestedDad37 · 29/06/2026 08:11

darksideofthetoon · 27/06/2026 16:06

Must be thousands of ways in London.

Join groups for walking, running, cycling, or any such hobby.

However, I can tell you this as a guy, very few men will want a platonic friendship with a woman. Some may say this but it’s highly unlikely. They almost always will want more as otherwise they can just meet another guy for said activity.

You may want to find a gay man who would have zero interest in anything more. Just trying to be realistic so you don’t waste your time.

Utter rubbish 🤣
I have loads of platonic female friends, with whom I really have no intention of wanting to make it anything else. I'm meeting one for coffee this morning, and going for a walk with another this evening. 🤷

Badbadbunny · 29/06/2026 10:05

InterestedDad37 · 29/06/2026 08:11

Utter rubbish 🤣
I have loads of platonic female friends, with whom I really have no intention of wanting to make it anything else. I'm meeting one for coffee this morning, and going for a walk with another this evening. 🤷

I agree. It's weird that lots of women think mean are all just knuckle dragging neanderthals only interested in getting into a woman's pants. Sure, some are, maybe a lot are, but many aren't.

Through various voluntary work, clubs and societies over several decades, I've known loads of men who I've had purely platonic friendships with, very few of whom have shown any inclination at all in trying it on with me. I have more male friends than female friends but not had affairs with any of them.

My DH is exactly the same. He doesn't actually like other men, not even for friendships, and has always had female friends through his various hobbies and voluntary work. It's how we met in the first place, but we were friends for a year before we got together romantically. We'd have both been content to have remained friends I think had we not got together.

The thing is that it's the knuckle dragging neanderthals who frequent the pubs and clubs, active on OLD, going around chatting up random women etc., so it does kind of give the impression that most are like that. But it's not the case. The ones who are like that, are approaching huge numbers of women - it's a numbers game, if they ask enough, they've more chance of scoring. Whereas the "nicer" mean (for want of a better word) aren't "Out there" on the pull, so are more invisible and that's why events, clubs, voluntary work, etc are a good place, as the "nicer" ones are more likely to be doing that kind of thing rather than chatting up everything in a skirt in a pub!

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