AIBU to expect support after work and feel frustrated by mess?

[OceanAvenue]

Myself and partner at home, no kids yet. I am the higher earner. Partner works shifts so is often off when I am in work and vice versa. He shouted at me this evening that I come home and dump on him about my stressful day and he’s fed up of it. I do have a difficult and stressful job but didn’t feel like I was taking it out on him, just discussing my day. AIBU to think that this is a normal part of a relationship ? For context, I find I get grumpy when I come home and everything is a mess when he’s been off all day.

I do have a difficult and stressful job but didn’t feel like I was taking it out on him, just discussing my day. AIBU to think that this is a normal part of a relationship ?

No, it isn't always.
There are some jobs where people see some horrific things, and there needs to be a mechanism within work to process those things. It is NOT fair to take it all home with you. Partner / spouses do not have to sign up to the horros of your job.

For context, I find I get grumpy when I come home and everything is a mess when he’s been off all day.

This ^ is a completely different issue. You absolutely need to sit down and talk about your expectations of each other, together. But that has nothing to do with you offloading onto them on a daily basis.

So were you grumpy or not? You contradicted yourself in the OP

Without knowing how you present your frustrations with your job, we have no way of knowing if you're reasonable or not. You might moan for an hour, you might make a passing comment. But if he's describing it as dumping on him, maybe you do go on.

I get grumpy when I come home and everything is a mess when he’s been off all day.

You need to leave him. He is showing you - very clearly - who he is. He wont change…… he thinks household chores are women’s work.

Whatever you decide to do, don’t get pregnant. You’d live to regret it.

This. I find it's harder to have had a stressful day and come home to mess also. I find the mess sets me off or rather the lack of sorting the mess from my partner. I would be wary of having children with someone that doesn't seem to see the mess or try to do much about it.

I had a stressful job ( GP ) but very rarely discussed it with my husband. Passing your stress on to someone else is not good for the relationship and you need to learn to leave your work at work. My mum used to do this to my dad who had an equally stressful job but didn’t dump it all on her. If your job stresses you that much think about changing it. Partners are not therapists. Listening to people moan is stressful.
he should pull his weight round the house though. I would not have married a man who thought housework was women’s work.

keep going on about the same thing can be wearing
if your constantly complaining about something ether do something to change it or suck it up and shut up about it