outsourcing his parenting

[Batshitdoesntfallfarfromthetree]

so a fair few of you will think IABU for sure but I feel pissed off and thats pretty real. My schools and DD (9) school has been closed since midday tuesday. I've been told I'm still meant to be working and my boss has been checking in daily to see that Ive completes the various tasks I've been asked to do. So I've been juggling entertaining DD in this heat and working myself. DH (not so D today) has said he would be here today to entertain DD so I could get my head down and get some work done properly. But he announces last night that he's hoing into his lovely air con office today and will be dropping DD at his sister's. It's just made me so mad. I've struggled with the last 2 days to parent and work simultaneously yet he makes a whiny phone call to his sister and she steps in to save the day. (this is the dynamic I have seen a million times so I fully expect this is what has happened). Obviously I should put my daughter first and I can now get on with work uninterrupted but I just feel so incensed that he's outsourced his parenting responsibilities. It feels really insensitive on his part. Before you ask - I have no family round here and don't have that sort of relationship with his where I coukd pick up the phone and ask for a favour. I know Im probably BU but perhaps there's some of you that can see where I'm coming from.

So your jealous that he gets to work in cool air because he sorted something and you didn't. You are so mad because he isn't suffering like you did?

I understand being frustrated with the situation but angry at him , no I don't get it.

So he was happy to see you struggle but when it’s his turn he finds a solution- it does seem unfair, why couldn’t he help out before now.

But I don’t think a 9 year old needs to be entertained either which is a bit dramatic

I can see your point. You have a week where DD is home for 3 days. You’ve covered two and he was supposed to cover 1.

If SIL is willing to cover for a day (and is the only help available) the favour should have been used on one of your two days so you and DH had to do one each.

However - if SIL was only available today (eg because she doesn’t work Fridays) - then YABU.

This. If she can cover, then great, and it was only possible today then annoying but just take advantage and catch up on your work. Ridiculous schools are closed, it's so much cooler today. My daughter's nursery has been open as usual all week.

I think youre getting tied up in knots about things that are not necessarily related. The main issue that you outlined is that you need some time free and clear of childcare so you can focus on getting work done. Does it really matter how that happens? As long as you trust your SIL as a safe and appropriate caregiver, then why are you so fixated on the fact that your DH is going in to his airconditioned office and 'escaping'?? is something else going on here (besides the heat making everyone all hot and bothered.....) Maybe he too has deadlines that must be met??? I really think youre being a bit silly here and spoiling for a fight over what seems to be a very minor detail, based on what youve written. You seem to want your DH to 'suffer' equally / sacrifice his time and attention in the same way you have? There seems to be a vibe that he is somehow getting off lightly?? Be very careful of creeping resentment,,,,its one of the biggest relationship killers. If you have a problem, open your mouth and speak to him about it.

Sounds like a good plan

In this situation I wouldn’t be entertaining my 9yo. I would be expecting her to get on with either school work if it’s been set in lieu, or just playing. If I had an employee who was working from home with a 9yo I would absolutely expect a full days work to be done.

Where is the grown up communication that two people should have as parents? Why didn't you both sit down as soon as you knew school was closed and discuss options and make a plan, including using his sister? You're both as bad as each other, you need to talk to each other!

9! You don't need to entertain her? Just let her do what she wants and get on with your work.

If there was a day's childcare available, that's great, but it doesn't automatically come out of his parenting time! You are two up on the childcare days and if expect him to cover the next two sick days.

This - my just 10 yr old is on her own entertainment wise when she gets home from school and I am working, why the need to be so involved??