AIBU to feel uneasy about school forms and questions after DD’s fall?

[Elizabeth0712]

Just wanting to find out people’s thoughts on this as I’m unsure on whether I’m being overly sensitive or not. My DD age 6 is currently waiting to get assessed for ADHD & autism. I gave the school forms to fill in that the GP gave me and when they returned them to me there was a plethora of stuff I’ve never been told about. Harming other children for example, not being able to learn with multiple interventions. There was so much to read that I found distressing. Why hasn’t this been mentioned to me at parents evening? My friend said they’ve maybe ramped it up on the forms to get her seen quickly but honestly if they did that would you not give the parents the heads up?

Now for my second issue. DD is full on and 100 miles per hour. Last Wednesday after school she climbed our bike shed which is 140 cm so high but not super high, she fell of it and hit her head. It was horrific, we rushed her to hospital, luckily she’s fine. Whilst she was off school her teacher pulled my oldest who is 8 to one side and asked her how her sister was & how high the shed was & if she’s in hospital. I’ve since found out too she’s also asked my neighbour’s daughter (age 9 at same school) some questions about the shed and what the roof was like.
I’m just not sure how I feel about this. My husband doesn’t seem to see the issue but I find it a bit off. I’d love to know everyone’s thoughts on it.
We live in quite a small community, the school is only 200 pupils, one class of 30 per year. Not sure why I’m mentioning that but just to give some idea of the environment.

Those questions sound reasonable to establish how serious an accident was. I remember teachers asking questions about my siblings if they were ever off school and saw it as friendly concern. I would have found it odd and cold for them not to mention something potentially distressing that had happened within my family that they were aware of.

I don't think a teacher should be asking your other child questions about this outside of "how is so and so, is she feeling better"?
She certainly shouldn't be questioning a neighbours child about it.

It’s probably a safeguarding thing. They will want to establish that it was a genuine accident and not caused by abuse, neglect or an unsafe home environment.

This is standard practice for safeguarding. We would often ask a sibling in school. Nothing pressured just a quick how’s so and so how did they hurt their head in a very non pressured way. To check explainations match. I don’t think we would be asking a neighbours child though.

You don’t do that by asking a neighbours child though. I’d be fine with the sibling being asked as long as it was in a welfare frame of how are you, how’s your sister, sounds like a scary fall. No need to ask an unrelated child. Presumably the hospital examine your DD and had no concerns.

In terms of the school paperwork, I’d be asking them why they haven’t raised these issues with you - at very least it would strengthen your own concerns, might be indicating your child isn’t coping at school and would let you offer support at home.

How would a neighbour's child know anything about the accident or your shed? That's weird for her to ask them. Surely the fact someone lives near someone else shouldn't be used to try and find 'witnesses' for things that happened outside of school?

I think asking the sibling sounds reasonable though. They probably are told to do that when anyone has to go to hospital from an accident.

The hospital will have referred the accident to SS (pretty much all children going to an and e gets a form sent to SS) and this will have been passed onto school as part of safeguarding.

they’re trying to make sure your child is not being deliberately harmed.

re the reports, parents evening is 5 mins usually. Schools will do a whole raft of interventions and changes to standard practice and it’s normal to only inform parents when it reaches a certain level (so when I worked in primary which admittedly was a long time ago a standard letter would go out for level 3 interventions)

For your first point, yes I would be surprised and upset if there was a lot of information on the forms that the school hasn't shared with you. This can be quickly resolved by having a conversation with her teacher and asking why you had not been made aware of these incidents before now and how much help she was needing.

Your second point, I don't think the teacher was doing anything wrong in asking your child how her little sister got hurt and what her injuries are. A 6 year old child falling off a shed roof is a pretty unusual occurrence - it's possible that the teacher has some concerns as to whether your daughter was being supervised appropriately at the time. Presumably questions were asked at the hospital and the doctors must have been satisfied with your response. Was a referral made to social services by the hospital?

Don’t take it personally, they are looking out for your child.
When my DD broke her arm she said her teacher questioned her about what happened. It’s safeguarding and it’s good that they do it

They should not be investigating. It is not for the school to investigate and question other people around safeguarding concerns. Their job is to record and report where necessary. They should not be asking your other child and unrelated children under any circumstances.

Nothing in the report should be news to you so I would want clarification as well.

Schools cannot report each and every interaction a child has to a parent. This is unreasonable to expect. I always fill a form in as if the child was having ‘their worst ever day’. Teachers are inherently positive so it actually really hard to be honest but it’s the only way to get support.

Ask the teacher for more clarification certainly but also be glad they’re being honest.