Dd14 and chip shop

[Chipshopsiblingwar]

So it was my son's birthday today and he got to choose whats for dinner which normally means a take out. We do this for everyone's birthday in the house.

He wanted a chip shop tonight but his 14 yr old sister did nothing but complain about it. She clams not to like anything ( Which isn't true ) I kept on offering her various things from the menu. I asked her if she wanted a fish and chips which was met with a screwed up face and
she said no it wasdisgusting she then started having a go at her brother who is 8 for choosing such a disgusting dinner. I told her fine she can have left over spag bol or beans on toast etc. She said fine.

When the chip shop came everyone else started eating happily so all good. Until she asked me if she could have some of my fish and chips which I said no. Her other sister got a sausage and chips and she put red sauce over it. She left half a sausage and a decent amount of chips. She then went to eat her left overs before she noticed the sauce ( she doesn't like red sauce) and started to call her sister selfish and mean and it's unfair as she had to eat left over spag bol etc.

I told her she only has herself to blame and am not gping beg her to let me spend 10 pounds on food for her.

Dh came home and said I should have made ds8 order a different takeaway etc

Aibu

What a little madam! Time to learn consequences for behaviour.

Your dd14 seems to be behaving like a spoilt brat. Perhaps it’s the weather making her act out of sorts. Only you know if she’s like this usually.
You should not have asked the birthday child to choose a different takeaway if the deal is usually that the birthday person chooses.

What the fuck. Is this unpleasantness caused by the heat or is she usually such a spoilt, selfish brat? Does DH often pander to her bullshit at the expense of the other kids? Poor DS, what a rubbish birthday meal with her ruining it.

Sorry, but 14 year old needs a good talking to for ruining her brother's birthday dinner. Make her apologize to both her brother and sister.

Seriously, your dh thinks the birthday boy should have given in to her demands?
Easy to see why she behaves like a spoilt princess.

Your DD was being a brat she fucked around and found out that the world doesn’t always revolve around her wants it was her brother’s birthday and she was spoiling it.

Your DH is wrong and your DD needs a talking to from him not pandering

You did right for not giving into her nonsense. Sounds like DH would/does unfortunately which can't help.

Teenagers are bratty.

What are your husband's excuses for being so stunningly unsupportive?

She's a teenager. When my brother was 14 he hated anything I chose on principle. He refused to see a film at the cinema that he originally said he wanted to see just cos I'd seen it and said it was good. At that age she will deliberately not like anything that she hasn't chosen. It's a phase.

She owes her brother and sister an apology. She's being very brattish, hopefully this isn't her usual way of behaving. It's very unfair of her to mess up her little brother's birthday dinner like this. Your husband should fully support your son's birthday choice and he should support you by telling your daughter she needs to apologise.

At 14, she is old enough to know the day isn't about her. Also old enough to know what foods she likes, I'd only expect a toddler to say they don't like something when they do. You definitely should not have gone against what the birthday boy wanted. Your H suggesting that you should gives an idea as to where your DDs entitled behaviour comes from.

She spoiled an 8 year old’s birthday dinner with her nonsense.
That shouldn’t be shrugged off as “oh, she’s a teenager”.
They’re not all like that.

She’s a pest (hormones and school stress probably). But fortunately for you all she’ll grow out of it soon. I think 🤞 my DD15 has - well we’ve had a good 2 weeks so I’m hoping it’s all over and done with now. Teenage boys are so much easier!

I would have sent her out of the room when she moaned about her brothers birthday dinner. She would have soon come back in apologising and been great ful for what she got.
I alwsys sent my children out of the room if they moaned or acted spoilt / entitled. They then know it’s not going to wash.
as for the husband - he needs sending out of the room as well !!

YANBU. Your 14 year old should know better as should your dh telling you you should have made your son change his choicw

Your dh should be having words with your 14 year old

I remember how I was hormonal at 14yo. That's what's happened here. YANBU, but should have ordered her some anyway...Chippy food is good the following day.

Yeah your husband is being an idiot. I can accept your daughter being a brat about it, sometimes it happens, and she faced the consequences by missing out. But your husband doesn’t get to tell you that you did wrong when he wasn’t there, and when it means your son missing out on his birthday meal

Your DH is the reason your DD14 behaves in this way

No way she’s acted like a spoilt brat! You did the right thing being firm with her.
When she’s had a chance to calm down tomorrow I would explain to her how unreasonable she was and ask her to apologise to her brother for ruining his birthday dinner

DH is a knob. Why should DD14 get to choose DS's birthday treat?

DD14 was behaving like a selfish teenage brat, which is not hugely unusual in kids of that age but also absolutely shouldn’t be pandered to. Your DH sounds like an an absolute twat who favours his obnoxious daughter like she’s his spoilt princess. Of course your poor son shouldn’t have had to order something different on his own birthday and it should have been made very clear to DD14 that she was behaving like a three-year-old and that her siblings deserve an apology from her.

Yes, it absolutely is a phase, but that doesn’t mean she should be allowed to rule the roost and get her own way. Her ‘phase’ isn’t something that should be pandered to (which was what the OP’s question was - whether she should have let her daughter choose what the family ate for her little brother’s birthday).

If the tradition is that the birthday kid gets to choose then no way should another sibling get to choose! They'll have to wait their turn!

You did nothing wrong and I'd be letting DS8 choose another dinner again since it's not fair for him to loose out on his once a year birthday treat because DD14 was being a brat.

What on Earth is your DH thinking?