AIBU to feel unable to cope with constant chronic pain?

[Cantthinkofoneatm]

I've been living with pain for decades now, but I'm getting to the point where I just can't take it anymore.

I was in a terrible rta in the 90s, and spent over a year on crutches and in physiotherapy.

It left me with chronic pain, rheumatoid arthritis, spinal issues and fibromyalgia.

I've been on opiates since 2008, as well as various other meds inc biological ones for RA. This has lead to a recent dx of liver fibrosis, and I've been suffering with pain in this area for over 1 year now.

I was hit from behind at speed whilst stopped at traffic lights in 2016, and suffered severe whiplash.
My spine is compressing and I have disc bulges plus arthritic changes in my neck and spine, inc osteoarthritis.
My hands and wrists are constantly hurting as are my neck, hips, knees, back and ankles.

I've had 2 procedures done over the last year in order to get relief from the neck pain, but neither has been successful, so I'm now waiting for a 3rd in which they'll hopefully kill the nerves so i can't feel any pain.
I also had a hip replacement 4 years ago which hasn't been the miracle I'd hoped for, especially after waiting for it for so many years.

I'm still in pain, and due to the leg length discrepancy that I've been left with, my other hip has begun hurting, too.

No one seems able to help minimise the pain I have, and along with recent family issues (dc's drug use), I've simply reached a point where I just can't cope any longer.
I also have tinnitus, so never get any quiet/peace.

I just don't want to wake up anymore as that's the only time it doesn't hurt.
I had surgery last week and was disappointed to wake up from it because then the pain was back.

It's like the straw that finally broke the camel's back.

I know many have it worse than me, and I've always been grateful it wasn't worse, but it's like I've hit a brick wall, and can't see a way out.

I feel very down and emotional a lot and want to run away from it all and hide. I spend my life pacing myself and still live with a minimum pain level of 5-6/10 upon waking up.
Depending on many factors it then gets worse as the day goes on, so I also struggle to get to sleep as I find the pain unbearable by then.

I don't want to die. I just want this pain to stop.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

That sounds awful, I can’t even imagine. Of course you’re at the point where this is unbearable - it’s been years and many stressful operations with no progress or improvement. That really sounds like such a tough situation to be in, and not easy at all.
Physically, I know nothing about bodies so can’t help at all. But I can hear that you’re exhausted, that the cause of this was not your fault, and that your psychological limit is being reached. Please, please go and get some mental health support. A therapist will be able to help you. They won’t be able to remove the pain but they will help you work through everythjng you’re feeling right now and help you get to a place where you find that strength and resilience again (which you must have had to cope with this over so many years). There are many online now, and perhaps a fibromyalgia charity or support group has some recommendations?

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I have similar issues but for other reasons; collapsing hip so compressed spine, leg length discrepancy , crutches and hands that have had lots of tendon surgeries and so I struggle to hold my crutches.

I know you mentioned opioids but have you tried opioid pain patches? I was put on them as they give regular pain relief throughout the day and night rather than tablet form as the pain relief is constant with patches and top up tablets.

The other thing that helps is nhs prescription hand braces with loads of metal in them so they are similar to a hand and thumb cast and shoes built up to try to manage the leg length difference and its impact on my spine. A referral to orthotics helped with those items.

Although it's not working now, putting my bad leg on ice packs from the fridge also helps . I am hoping that after this heatwave things will seem better because at least we will be able to have windows and doors open

Are you under a pain clinic? I’ve found them really helpful and they actually listen in my experience.
I presume you take medications like amitryptiline for nerve pain? That one really helped me and others I know.

Thank you for the replies. It's appreciated.

I've been on amitriptyline and another similar med (nortriptyline), but neither agreed with me after a while. I'm not on anything like that atm, although for the last year I've been taking 150mg sertraline for anxiety/depression.

I'm trying to avoid going onto gabapentin or pregabalin.
I'm under a pain clinic atm, but still waiting to see the consultant.

I appreciate your point of view,I'm in the same position and do want to die, I just want to take a pill, it's relentless.

I feel you. I’m allergic to opioids which doesn’t help so options are limited. Amitriptiline does nothing and I have a GP who is reluctant to prescribe anything stronger than cocodamol and insists on CBT which frankly is a total waste of time. The pain is not in my head, it is not my friend and it has destroyed my life. Some days the pain is so bad I have to mentally prepare myself for standing up as I know I’m going to have pain and go into severe spasms. The GP mi no onuses and has lights and makes me feel like a drug seeker. I am told to be grateful I am still alive but guess what there is a big difference between being alive be and having a life. If only there was a magic pill to help you drift off to sleep and never wake up.

Yes, my old rheumatologist was really good, but he retired, and the 2 I've had since keep telling me it's in my head, despite a v high positive rheumatoid factor when I was diagnosed, and subsequent damage to most of my joints.

Apparently, all I need is CBT and to learn how to manage my pain. I'm not sure what the fuck they think I've been doing all these years already.

I already pace myself, eat healthily, etc. There's not much more I can do and I think you just reach a point where you wonder why bother.

I’m not quite in the same boat as you but very similar. I too was in an RTC years ago and my back has been troublesome since. Had physio at the time and then just left to get on with it. I now have osteoarthritis in the knee that was affected too. Have had a steroid injection which helped for a bit but now I just struggle every day. I should go back to the GP but they just shove Naproxen and CoCodamol at me. I also have tinnitus so I know what you mean when you say you don’t get any peace!
I so wish I had words of wisdom for you x

I've got osteoarthritis in my neck, shoulder and have nortriptyline for nerve pain. I've also got osteoarthritis in lower and top of back and left knee. For this I have codeine and Nefapam and cortisone injections. In this heat my left knee has swollen up twice it's normal size and even standing up is very painful. I don't know the answer though.

This sounds horrible. Life can be so hard for some people. Its not fair :(

I have terrible tinnitus/dysacusis and a few chronically prolapsed discs in my lower back which can have me unable to walk for a few days when it flares up. Not a patch on your problems I know, but just wanted to reply in solidarity. Hope you find some relief at times, it's all so wearing isn't it?

Im sorry to hear you are struggling. It has been relentless. Have you considered medical cannabis? I have been successfully using it for a year for osteoarthritis. I still occasionally take paracetamol and ibuprofen but I am vastly improved.

Ah, I was wondering about pregabalin, as I was about to recommend it to you. The thing is, it really does help chronic pain, as well as a positive mood, and sleep.
It’s also a lousy drug in many ways, but I reckon at some point you have to weigh up priorities: how much would I give to feel a damn sight better every day? When the issue is really serious pain and all its associated problems, I think the choice is clear.
I think pregabalin three times a day (one dose being in the evening) along with the present opiates would work wonders.

(Make sure your Vitamin D and B12 are kept at optimal levels too, or deficiencies in either can result in additional pain and mood problems with chronic pain )