Going away without kids?

[Lainey97]

We have a 4yo and 2yo, just asking opinions really!

I have done 2 trips to Europe for weekends! One to Prague just under a month DS turned 1 (nan grandad and aunty had him and took him on so many days out he had loads of fun)
Milan when DS was 20 months, pre DS2 and again same people nan grandad auntie lots of days out lots of fun.

These were pre booked as birthday gifts for DH's 30th. We were on holiday all together on his actual 30th!

Looking back i felt so guilty on those trips missed DS so dearly and felt stupid for booking. We haven't been on a European trip since the last mentioned , 1) as we have the 2! And 2) i feel guilty

However

We know lots of people and between this range of couples we know some

1. the mother has recently been to Spain, and portgual 2 separate occasions for a friend's trip
2. couple went to cape verde on honeymoon- youngest was 6mo
3. mother went on her hen do - in America

All the kids in the above mentioned are 4 and under so my age range

This isn't judgement also BTW! It's more a what do you think?

I see these case scenarios and feel like i shouldn't feel guilty if me and DH book a Scotland trip for our wedding anniversary later this year or close Europe

But I do feel guilty and look back on the trips I got him as 30th present and I just spent them wishing I was home snd guilty for leaving DS

NB: DS loves my side (nan grand dad aunty) nd loves spending time with them so does DS2. It's a personal guilt thing. Very lucky to have my village

We always did it and never felt guilty, my sister couldn’t leave her’s as she wouldn’t be able to relax.

I wouldn’t spend the money on a holiday I couldn’t enjoy.

Surely it's personal preference.We decided to never put an ocean between the DC and both of us until the youngest was 5. I had this fear of both of us dying and the DC being too young to have a memory of either parent. We both had to travel overseas for work but ensured our international trips never coincided.
I wouldn't judge others for a different decision though. You must do what is best for you.

I have a 14 month old and a ten week old, I would jump at the chance to go abroad right now🤣 We wont be for some time, we dont have the childcare there either. Your children were a good age when you travelled. Women shouldnt feel guilty for getting away. You can still enjoy things and be a good mom.

I don't understand why you'd feel.guilty when your DS was happy and having a lovely time? It's good for your children to spend time with grandparents and form a strong loving relationship with them. I have such great memories of staying with both sets of grandparents on weekends and holidays - it was a special time where you had their undivided attention !

We did overnights from 6 weeks and weekends away from 6 months and then a week away from toddler age.

No guilt whatsoever.

I’ve done this - 2-3 nights - but only abroad when DH has stayed to look after DD. We have had stays of a couple of nights in the UK where grandparents look after her. All fine as far as I’m concerned.

Never left my young children. Combination of not wanting to and having no childcare. Next month DH and I are going on our first holiday together in 19 years. Kids are 14,16 and 18.

There’s no right answer, it’s about how you feel.

I left mine overnight with the other parent at 9 months (on reflection not worth it as I had to pump & dump breastmilk), 2 years old for a full weekend, and 3yo with grandparents. 5yo before I went overseas.

I don’t like leaving mine, they’re 9 and 11, I think it’s totally down to how you feel.

Yup, we went on weekends away for our anniversary quite a few times since our oldest was 1. It was fairly easy in our case though as our parents were near us and in decent health to look after kids, plus they were fairly easy to babysit for the weekend as they slept pretty well etc. They had a lovely time with grandparents, we had a break.

We're off this Saturday for 3 nights in fact, but the kids are 14 and 18 now, so can be left to it!

Why would you feel guilty? That’s on you, you’re the one making all this more difficult for yourself.

Childhood isn’t that short that you can’t prioritise some time with your spouse over the 18 years, especially when the kids are happily with GPs. Honestly just get a grip and live your life, dont feel pressure to feel a certain way because a certain faction of parenting is very focal. One life to live and all that.

Why would anyone feel guilt if the child is safe ?
One thing not to want to leave them, fine then don’t. Nothing wrong in leaving them though.

What are you feeling guilty about exactly?

In the situation you've described, I'm not sure what you're supposed to feel guilty about. The children are building fantastic relationships with their extended family. They are having a great time. And so are their parents. What's the guilt for? Were you pushing reluctant family into helping?

I have never been on holiday with just my husband. We never had a honeymoon or a night away. We've never been abroad together. We've never stayed at a hotel together. Nearly 14 years together and there is so much we've never done🙈
We have no village. I would snap off anyone's hand that offered us the chance as long as my children were safe and cared for.

I understand the feeling of guilt but I think you should see it as a investment in your marriage in yourself as a person. Traveling,holidaying having a break from being a parent enriches you. I don't think there is anything to feel guilty about at all.

Our jobs as parents is to bring up independent adults.
Part of that is learning to be adaptable and resilient AND learning that parents also have their own lives.
I had to extensively travel for work as a lone parent my DD17 is absolutely fine.

This. It’s a you problem
You have conditioned yourself to think you ought to feel guilty. The truth is, your child was cared for by loving GP, having a great time and developing a good bond with them, and you were paying attention (or not) to your relationship.
I bet your DH didn’t pine throughout.

Completely agree with this. I don’t know what it is with modern parenting (British parenting? I don’t know?) where mothers have been conditioned to feel guilty if they do anything that’s for themselves.

Parents are people, you don’t have to stop investing in yourself and your marriage because you are a parent. The children don’t appreciate it and if anything it breeds entitled feral children in schools.

Modelling prioritisation and self respect is good for children, they stand half the chance of growing up and enjoying parenthood themselves rather than thinking it’s martyrdom, maybe that’s a contributing reason why more people aren’t having kids today, they think they have to do this self sacrificial parenting rather than finding a balance that brings children into your life, rather than the other way around.