AIBU to feel helpless after seven months without contact with my daughter

[Takemehomeplease]

I’m really sorry about posting on here. I just need someone to talk to. Talk some sense into me, relate, anything. But please don’t be too harsh as I am quite delicate at the moment. I will try to keep it as short as possible but also give you as much context as I can.

I was in an abusive relationship roughly 14 years ago. I fell pregnant (I know) but I was told I wouldn’t be able to have children prior (a very slim chance due to medical issues) my daughter arrived. The best thing that could’ve happened to me, albeit the circumstances.
I moved away, he found me. Stalked me, I called the police, moved houses multiple times, he requested a DNA test to get himself on the birth certificate. To cut to the chase, I endured years of moving, contacting the police, social services etc. last year, he went to her school and picked her up. When I tried ringing her he answered her phone stating she will live with him for the foreseeable, citing emotional abuse (as I didn’t give him my new address) he told me he was calling the police and social services. It’s been 7 months since I spoke to my daughter. I’ve had roughly 13 visits conducted in my home (as we are in different counties) all coming back as no concern. Her half brother (my son) lives with me as well as her step brothers. It’s worth noting that my sons dad and I get on great and it was my ex that got the better of us.
He has accused me of awful things, drink driving etc. we both had to do a hair strand test, mine came back negative, his came back chronic and excessive so the court has ordered a section37. I have begged to know how my daughter is, he put a PSO against me last year, I can’t afford solicitors, I was told I could write a letter to her but she didn’t want to read it.

im devastated. I feel like I’ve lost my world. I’ve had to do courses, he’s now apparently taking her away on holiday next month but my stomach is churning at the thought of her being there if he’s consuming that much drink.

no one is helping me or answering my questions. I feel utterly helpless.

Oh sweetheart. Lots of others have given you advice and I don't have any practical advice to offer. Just keep going and just focus on each day being a day closer to getting your daughter back home.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. My ex did the same and at around the same age my dd left and I didn’t see her for nearly two years. Her dad was the fun parent in her eyes. There were no boundaries at all. At the time she thought that was great. He lied and badmouthed me to his friends, the police and social services. My job involved working with vulnerable children and he tried so many times to have me arrested so I would lose my job. Fortunately they saw through him but because dd was older and said she wanted to stay with him they couldn’t do anything.
In the end all I could do was wait, and get on with my life as best as I could.
as she got older I saw her occasionally but he still had a really strong hold over her. I just made sure I was always there for her and never, ever criticised him.
Eventually as she got older she began to see him for the narcissistic arse he is. The closer dd and I got the angrier he got and he really showed his true colours. She went no contact with him and his family a few years ago. As I’ve said I never badmouthed him, and I have always wished that she could have some sort of relationship with him. That will never happen because, as is so often the case with these men, he hates me more than he loves our dd. While he’s running around telling anyone who will listen that I destroyed their relationship with my lies, she can now clearly see who was telling the truth.
it is incredibly tough but stay strong and I hope you have the same outcome.

Because my understanding from this (and I maybe wrong) is that the SW is not responding to OP and isn’t answering OP questions. You are entitled to change SW or any healthcare professional for that matter if they are not providing the care/ support you need.

I am fully aware what a s37 is, anyone can put a referral or concern into MASH at any time. OP has fled a DV situation, I am assuming she is scared of her ex, therefore an anonymous referral from her or a friend to the MASH is something that could be added to a case that is already ongoing. Not everyone will know there is a court case pending when they refer a child in and that should never stop concerns being reviewed or listened too.

I don't understand why on earth the OP would be making an anonymous referral to MASH when she literally has a social worker doing an assessment? She needs to tell the social worker herself!
Maybe the social worker isn't responding, in which case if contact with the manager doesn't resolve it, a complaint might be useful.

Are you in a union? If so, they often have access to legal support (not just employment related). Some home insurance policies do too so it's worth checking. Failing that, have you tried CAB, Women's Aid, domestic abuse charities, local MP, local councillor? Really hope things get better for you soon

So sorry to hear what you're going through. Try contacting Rights of Women. They have a range of legal advice lines including one specialising in family law.
https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

Get a MacKenzie friend. It’s a law specialist who can be your buddy and help you with legal knowledge so you can stand for yourself in court. Worth doing if you can’t afford a solicitor