AIBU to worry I will never meet anyone now?

[HoneyBeeBees]

I know I’m probably overthinking this, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately.
Ever since I was young, I’ve always imagined that one day I’d meet someone, settle down and build a life together. I’m a single mum now, and I know my children and I are a family, but I’ve always hoped I’d have a partner to share life with too.
I’m 37 and have been single for over a decade now (not entirely through choice). Rationally, I know there is still time to meet someone, but the longer it goes on, the harder it gets to stay hopeful. Every time I think about putting myself out there again, I feel exhausted before I’ve even started. It feels like I’ve spent years dusting myself off and trying again.
What’s really getting to me is the possibility that it just might not happen. I worry that I’ll be lonely forever, or that life is never going to look the way I hoped it would. I don’t know how to make peace with that possibility.
And then there’s the fact that I’m approaching 40, and everywhere you look people talk about how awful dating after 40 is, which doesn’t exactly help.
Has anyone else felt like this in their late 30s? Did you eventually meet someone, or did you find a way to be happy and fulfilled even if life didn’t turn out exactly as you’d imagined?

Hello, I know it’s easy to say but I’ve been in a similar position to you.
I started again in my 40s and I and a close friend have both met lovely, kind men. I didn’t want another relationship at all but it found me all the same. Both my friend and I met people online. There are some strange ones out there but it’s worth a shot.

I got back out there at 47 and found the loveliest man - it can happen! A lot of my single friends actually said they found the dating scene awful in their 30s but much better in their mid-forties because by then they started meeting nice men who were not commitment-phobes (had been married before) but it hadn't worked out for whatever reason. People of every age are looking for love and care. There is a clock on child bearing but not on companionship. Life will ease up and open up when your kids are a bit older.

Thank you, my kids are older kids. Maybe I need to aim for older men then? Rather than men in their 30s?

I spent 13 years with Mr wrong, then 7 years on my own and was perfectly happy to spend the rest of eternity on my own! Had a dabble at online dating and met mr oh so right! Been married 2 years and together 5. Met him when I was 41.

I think you need to stop fixating on meeting someone. You don't need a partner to make you happy. Try to enjoy what you do have and find new things/places/hobbies etc that are for you. You will be much happier if you live in the moment rather than hoping for something that may never happen.

I think just take each person you meet at face value. Age is just one relevant element - but mostly because you will be at the same life stage, have similar memories/references etc. If you are comfortable in your own skin, you will attract the right sort of person, hopefully. Good luck!

I think Kamala Harris met her husband in her late 40s.

My mom’s close friend similarly met her partner in her early 50s and that was her first serious long term relationship. It’s a lot harder but not impossible.

But you could also never meet anybody either to inject some realism and I do know loads of women in that boat too. Focus on building a life and your networks. When you become busy living the lack of partner feels less noticeable somewhat (at least it does for me).

Why were you looking online if you did not want a relationship?

I’ve been doing that for the last decade

I met my husband at 37. Two of my university friends got married for (for the first time) to men they met when they were in their early forties. Though, interestingly, both are second wives to older men (one widowed young, other’s wife left him for a woman). My husband is a few years younger than me.

I’m curious though, all three of us had got right to that age with only a few multi year semi-serious relationships between us, no kids. You have clearly had a relationship at some point with a man who you expected to be your life partner. So you’ve had that experience once already, does that not make the idea of it happening again feel more achievable? My friends and I felt like we were total un-marryable, till we weren’t! Or do you feel that you have somehow had your luck already?

I was 45 and had kids 13 and 15 when I met online my partner of over 14 years. Inwas very open from day one what I wanted and kissed many frogs before meeting him. Don't lose hope, and don't waste time on dates. Always a coffe first, then if second - coffee and a walk. After each decide if they are worth of your time. I followed MN rule of not introducing my kids for 6 months. By then I knew that we were quite compatible.

No I feel now as a single parent it’s harder to meet someone

@JHound A bit of fun - wasn’t looking for anything long term!

Thank you, it’s nice to know online isnt all bad as I will definitely be using the apps as I don’t meet men irl

Don’t give up OP it can happen! I was single for 11 years before meeting DP when I was 42 and he was 35 (DS was 15). No other DC so we don’t have to navigate a blended family, whilst he is friendly and cares for DC he has never tried to parent.

Neither of us were actively looking for a relationship. I very much felt like I had no options - Going back to an ex was an absolute no, starting all over again wasn’t appealing and yet the thought of being single forever was also scary. We met at work (was a temp role for me during covid lockdown). We’re now nearly 6 years down the line and whilst there are no guarantees we’re both building a future together.

Please don’t close yourself off from finding something special, it could come when you’re least expecting it!

I got together with my lovely partner after divorce number two at 39. He’s a few years younger than me. I was a single parent of an older child too. He doesn’t have any kids and I knew I didn’t want to meet someone with young kids because I was past all that. We met at a book event and have loads in common. All is not lost!

Oh, honey.

Aw thanks both! Fingers crossed it will happen eventually for me too