AIBU to be furious after a business contact asked for swimsuit photos?

[Funkycatflap]

It's 2am and I can't sleep because I'm lying awake fuming. I recently met a man through work he's not in my field but is a very successful businessman.

I'm in a creative field and recently stepped out on my own trying to establish myself. He seemed genuinely interested in what I did and we chatted a few times back and forth. This was purely platonic from my side anyway as I made it clear I was happily in a relationship.

He did promote me amongst his friends and I got a few signups for my mailing list. He then asked for some promotional photos and I told him I have a press kit on my website and there's lots of pictures and promo stuff there.

But then he asked for swimsuit shots and maybe more... I'm a woman in my fifties. I don't want to see myself in a swimsuit let alone show him and his leery friends. I also found out from one of his female friends that he was telling everyone I was his new partner.

I am beyond furious that he would think it's acceptable to this. Thirty years ago I worked as a model which was a horrible sleazy profession and we were constantly propositioned and told if we wanted to get ahead we had to deal with it. Has nothing bloody changed in the last three decades?

I so want to call him out on his shitty behaviour but it would no doubt be the end of my career. It boils my piss that this shit is still happening n

What strange behaviour.

So strange, in fact, that you don't really need to be furious about it. Just be astounded.

Obviously this is gross and I’m sorry his apparent interest in supporting your business was just a come on.

What is the business, that you have promotional photos on your site?

That's terrible, i'm pissed off on your behalf also. It's soul destroying and insulting when a woman just tries to get ahead in this world and just gets treated like an amusement by some selfish, misogynistic prick.

You've obviously done nothing wrong and should be incredibly proud of your new business.

How well do you know this guy? He sounds a bit unhinged if he made up a relationship with you. Tread carefully and make sure you have backup from this woman who knows what he's been up to. Keep all messages from him, you have proof that you have in no way been leading him on or giving the impression you're in a relationship. Have you responded yet? I'd keep it very brief and professional, try not to get cross with him as you don't know if he could be the type to get nasty if his pride gets hurt.

It's absolutely disgusting that we have to deal with arseholes like this, just bc we're doing a job.

I would send him a photo of "a swimsuit" as that is what he asked for. But then, I can be a bit pass agg.

I’d be both furious and slightly concerned, as his behavior is very odd.

In your shoes I would respond saying very clearly that you are not comfortable with that request. State that you appreciate his interest in your business, thank him for referring you to his friends who have signed up, but say clearly and politely that you are happily in a relationship and that you would like to keep all contact with him strictly business, not personal.

Then honestly I’d be a bit cautious - lying that you are together is very strange. Depending on how he responds to your polite setting of boundaries you may be able to keep up a business connection, but if he responds with any kind of anger/accusations that you led him on etc then I would cut him off, tell him not to contact you again, and make clear to any mutual connections what has happened.

Then if there’s any further contact I’d look at reporting it as harassment.

I think men like this can really escalate, so I’d be very cautious of the potential for danger here.

Unless you are currently a model or a professional swimmer there is no reason for a business associate to see you in a swim suit. This is just pure sexual harassment. report him to his higher up

Given the professional repercussions- which obviously empower his behaviour, I’d literally ignore every inappropriate request. Screenshot, delete the message and carry on as normal.

It can feel powerful to treat someone’s behaviour as too insignificant to respond to.

If you don’t want to go in all guns blazing
just message back one word

INAPPROPRIATE

Take screenshots and be ready to share them - in person, with people you trust.

Ask that female friend of his for more info. Make it clear to get that you're not and have never been in a relationship. Team up with as many women as you can. You're unlikely to be his only victim.

Of course YANBU.

This is the third thread on here today that has reminded me how routinely awful men are

I think this would probably be interpreted as flirting/teasing rather than pass agg

What do you mean by "calling him out" and why would it end your career? Surely responding firmly that he's being inappropriate and then ignoring him is the best policy. Look for other avenues to promote your business.

Yeah, he's already in an 'imaginary relationship' with OP, god knows what he'd read into that.