AIBU to want to run away from new friend due to her past?????????????????

[badfriend]

Met a new 'mum' friend online, we got on really well and have been meeting with our kids. Today I went round to her house and we were getting on great......then she told me about some mental health problems she has had, including being sectioned for hearing voices telling her to murder people she is on medication and recives therapy.......but it has scared me I felt very uneasy after and paranoid that I had to go to the toilet and leave her with my very young daughter. I am ashamed but I feel I should not meet her again because I dont think I would feel 'safe'. I have name changed as I am embarassed about how I feel, or should I forget it and carry on as normal????????????????

thats her past. i think you should talk to her about it though, tell her how you are feeling.

I have a really lovely friend whom is an alcoholic and has been sectioned in his past, but he is still a lovely lovely guy and i refuse to hold his past against him. Thats why its called the past.

It sounds like she has bipolar I think you would notice if she started to become unwell before she got to the hearing voices stage again. Perhaps research about it properly, sounds like she needs friends to look out for her rather than run away from her.

She obviously trusts you.

I think if it was just me and her I would stick around, but I have a very young daughter and thats what scares me

i think what i am trying to say is no you are not unreasonable to feel worried but you are being unreasonable to not discuss it with her and just run away...like yama said, she obviously trusts you.

are you concerned fo her children? do you not think if there were any risks her own children wouldnt be there?

It's not her fault, it's estimated that 1/3 of us have mental health problems. She's probably had so many people treat her the same way that she was so worried about telling you. It must have taken alot of courage for her to tell you. Talk to her about it, it's nothing to be ashamed of. As long as she's on her medication she'll be fine. If she were in a wheelchair would you be feeling the same way? She can't help it. She's still the same person she was when you met her. Don't carry on as normal though, ask her about it, ask her what the triggers are (if she has them). Her life is tough enough already.

carry on as normal she needas friends and if she hadnt been honest you would have kept seeing her i have friends that had mental health problems in the past and wouldnt get rid of a good friend in the world for that

she has recieved help she is obviously stable or you would have known obviously her children are well looked after so why worry

if in future you feel she is acting abnormal worry then but in meantime people still need friends even if have had problems in the past she trusted you and thinks enough of you to admit to you her past problems if she was thought to be a danger social services would ahve removed her kids years ago when she had problems

dont worry she sound like a fantastic person who has over come alot and needs you to be a friend to her as you have been already do not let this change your opinion of her

YABU

I totally understand why you feel like that, but as long as she is in therapy and on medication then she is coping with her problem.

I don't think you need to feel unsafe, and she obviously trusts you enough to trust you with the information. Be vigilant, by all means, but don't cut off a friendship that obviously means a lot to her.

If the healthcare professionals thought she was still any kind of risk, she wouldn't be at home with her child.

Don't feel bad though, it is perfectly understandable to feel this way if you have never had to deal with people with mental health problems before. Fear of the unknown and all that.

Try to be honest with her? Tactfully tell her that you have no understanding/knowledge of her condition and would she explain it to you - tell her your frightened she could have an episode and that you could be at risk.

I have had recent mental health problems triggered by large amounts of stress, doctor said I was ok but to go straight bvack if I heard voices, I knew I was going do lally, I told most of the people I know as it is better to talk about these things and i would be gutted if i thought anyone felt like this about me.

she is a fantastic person, but its a new friendship so although she has felt comfortable opening up I dont think I am comfortable asking about her condition, I feel horrible but I wish she hadnt said anything, how can I tell her I am scared

Just tell her. She'll appreciate your honesty - I'd imagine she's scared, or has been scared, too. And it will be far, far less hurtful than opening up to a new friend only to have that friend back off while denying that anything is wrong.

omg I hope she isnt on here and reads this she would know it her I think

Is it me?

Sorry I was joking, I am sure she will not, I often think that if I post about people.

electric no its not you

If you distance yourself from her now she'll know why and that will be very hurtful for her.

She might be really great friend material.

It's people like this who need friends more than anyone and I think you really need to try to be grown up about this. You may well grow as a result of it.

could you chat to her online about it? Then you could say how much it means to you that she's trusted you enough to tell about her past but you're frightened of the hearing voices bit . YOu can even tell her how stupid you feel about panicking and having to ask her.

am i right in thinking that the issue isn't so much re the mental health issues, but the fact she says the voices told her to murder people?

i don't believe that anyone wouldn't have concerns about that, even if they didn't feel comfortable voicing them.

Mental illness is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people suffer from mental illness, and i personally know two people who have been sectioned, one of whom had some really scary hillusinations etc. I'm not scared of either of them because I know that neither would ever harm me or my children.

However I can't hand on heart say that I would feel 100% comfortable with someone who told me the voices had told them to mmurder people. I wouldn't ditch the friendship because of it, but I think it's natural to be concerned about someone who has admitted to being told to harm others.

wannabe you are right, its not the MH issues at all, just the 'murder' part. If I knew her better it may not scare me, but as I have only just met her I find it unsettling

I think that YANBU to be a little shocked, but ABU to act on it so soon. Continue the friendship and get to know her. If you get on, you have made a friend. If not, you drift apart. Her past shouldn't be the issue here.

Coming from some personal experience of Bipolar disorder, I just hope that you continue to be this woman's friend ...

Although you are not responsible for her mental stability, I am sure she values your friendship and felt comfortable telling you of her past..

If medication is taken reguarly it is a handlable mental illness ... and she has so far done nothing to think that she would be verging on a manic episode...

Going through that must have been very scary for your new friend, it's scary for you to hear about it, and of course hearing about it is going to make you feel differently about her. It is a shock.

Most people who have psychotic episodes like this honestly would never ever harm another person, they are far more likely to be a victim of violence due to their odd behaviour, or harm themselves.
Why not read up a bit?

If you do feel nervous, maybe you could meet in public places while you get to know her a bit better? Please don't just drift away from her because of it though, she isn't just her mental health problems. They are one aspect of her, and they don't stop her being the person you were getting on so well with before.

I can totally understand where you are coming from, but please don't give up on her. It must have taken a lot for her to open up to you like that about something very difficult. SHE told you about her condition, so it does make it OK for you to ask. You can say to her, "bloody hell X, thats really scary and i have to say that in my ignorance i am worried about this, of course i still want to be friends but can you reassure me that you are Ok now?" That sort of honesty is what is required i think. Make a point of trying to understand and maybe ask her what her diagnosis was and if she has read anything useful for it.

Just remember, she heard voices telling her to murder people - but she didnt actually murder anyone.

Mental illness is very scary because it is poorly understood even by the professionals imo. Psychiatry is actually a relatively new science and one day, please god, there will be a deeper understanding about what makes us all tick.

I hope you can continue to be friends, you must be a really lovely person for her to feel she can open up to you like this.