AIBU to consider not attending my child arrangements hearing?

[Booksandcatsandtea]

Decision hearing next week with regards to a child arrangement order. Would I be unreasonable to not attend? The whole process has been traumatic and I end up feeling very distressed afterwards with dark thoughts.

Last time I was stuck in a waiting room for ages with my abusive ex and his mother.

I don’t feel mentally strong enough but my solicitor said that in not attending they can make decisions without me being there. I did ask to attend remotely but it’s not possible.

Thanks!

I wouldn’t risk not attending personally, as your solicitor has said they can make a decision then without your present and I would really try to avoid that.

I would speak to your solicitor about other possible adjustments if attending remotely is not an option, see if there is a separate waiting area, stagger arrival/departure times so you do not have to be there with him etc.

I appreciate that this is very difficult for you, but your solicitor is right you really do need to go.

It's important for your child/ren that you are there - think about the impression you not attending would give, not to mention the potential for ot to be spun in your exes favour.

Sometimes we have to do incredibly hard things for the sake of our children. If you don't go, and they make a decision you're unhappy with you will have to live with that whilst knowing you could possibly have prevented it, but didn't go.

Go, and focus on the fact that once this is done, you'll have a way forward and space to breathe.

You really, really need to be there.

But you should be able to wait elsewhere as long as you make a court usher know. Your solicitor will also know when your case is being called on, so if you waited in a different area they can come and find you maybe?

I agree, your solicitor should be able to give you advice about keeping away from your ex, depends on the court how practical that is but usually there's a way (assuming it's conflict and not that he's abusive to the level the courts would see it as a danger and have security involved etc)
It's not just that the judge can make the decisions without you there, they take a dim view of non attendance and if you don't go they're likely to be less sympathetic to your evidence/requests, and your ex's solicitor would be able to make the most of your absence to question your credibility without your solicitor being able to do much (because if you aren't there, you can't instruct them)

You need to ask for special measures ideally in advance but otherwise on the day. As others have said you’ll be able to wait separately. Do you have anyone who could go with you for support? Any support from Domestic abuse support agencies?

Google your local advocacy charity and see if they can get someone to accompany you.

This is someone who will be there entirely to support you and help you find your voice.

you really need to go

Thanks ☺️ I have asked to sit in a separate waiting room, one of the worst bits about the last hearing was having to sit alone for ages in the waiting room with my abusive ex and his mother, it was awful! Worse still, they sat right by the toilets so I felt like I couldn’t go as they were blocking them- daft I know!

Please do, do attend.

Coukd you take someone with you for support? I hope someone will come on to advise you.

You can ask to be behind a screen I am pretty sure.