Husband and trips abroad

[Mmmama89]

How would you feel about your husband going away on two week long holidays with the “boys” to long hall placed once a year (such as Jamaica Thailand Brazil) I don’t want to be unreasonable but I don’t feel comfortable with it. I’ve lived long enough to know the chances are there is cheating and other things probably. How would you handle this.

Well, I think you clearly are not going to object to his regular trips with male friends, as doing so would raise risk the exact same type of reaction that the predominately female MN audience has given and suggest to him that you do not trust him. I, 66 now, have travelled the world with friend for decades and my wife has done the same with her close female friends group. As our children were growing up I took time off so she could holiday in China, walking the Great Wall, another walking trip to Kenya, Tanzania, Canada. If you don't have basic trust in your partner, you are on very dodgy ground imo.

My husband does it .. he’s a Birder, so heads off with his Birder friends to various places: Thailand, Spain, South Africa, Gambia.

I send him off with a wave, and enjoy two weeks of a bed to myself, and things being in the same place that I left them.

I was booked for a 16 night trip to India last year. Illness prevented it in the end but my bloke would never object to me going anywhere without him. We like very different destinations.

How much do these trips actually cost and when you say you're not that well off, what do you mean by that?

I have a good income but wouldnt be able to afford 2 weeks in Thailand or Jamacia those are expensive holidays.

For all the folks saying they'd wave their partners off for two weeks, do you have young kids and financial constraints? It isn't about 'controlling' your partner. I would never want to stand in the way of my partner's fun - and when he was between jobs he went off for a two-week holiday by himself. But we don't have common finances or kids together. These decisions are different if you are (non-reciprocally) imposing burdens of full time child care on your partner and withdrawing income from a common pool for individual holidays that could be spent on family holidays/children etc.

We just make time for both things

family trips and trips alone

I went to India for 3.5 weeks recently with some friends ! We made it happen for me and as it was my friends 50th and we recreated a trip we’d done years ago ! We made it work with childcare help from friends at family at home helping with some pick ups and drop offs and sleep overs etc!

then he went on a trip to Norway with his friends recently (was only a week) but he goes off with his brothers on city breaks all the time too

i tool the kids solo to Asia on maternity leave for 2 months and husband joined for last month of it

sometimes I take one kid away sometimes the other!

husband has done solo trips with older child too

my daughter is also going away for half of the school holidays with my parents !

annual leave wise - we use camps and stuff in the half terms if we need to

and we take a mix of annual leave and unpaid leave for other school hols

we make it work and prioritise travel over everything else - we don’t buy clothes, cosmetics, don’t really eat out, live frugally the rest of the time

holidays and travel are what’s most important to us 🤷‍♀️

It sounds reciprocal and perfectly lovely! Not the same thing I think as the OP's situation..

So basically him and his pals go off and behave like single men for a couple of weeks a year. I don't think the question is whether he cheats on these holidays. I think the question is how many women does he cheat with.

I think you need a conversation with him along the lines of if he wants to behave like a single man then fair enough . But if thats what he wants then it will be a permanent situation .Because you are worth more than being made a fool of in this way

I think its unusual. Me and DH have a lot of freedom to do our own thing travel wise but the longest either of us has done not with the other has been 11 or so days. And each of us has done that length once in a 17 yr marriage. Long weekends/plus or up to 6 days away trips much more common, on an annual basis normally. If you dont have much cash then id see one of us having our own long haul, almost 2 week trip away as minimising the opportunity for nice family holidays. Anything you do alone needs to not be at the expense of family or couple holidays. The cheating thing is a whole other question IMO.

My thoughts exactly. Could he be more obvious? 😶

My DH wouldn’t see the point of going away if not with me. A weekend away fine, though I don’t think he’d want to do that either. He was far too busy with work and any time off was for us as a family.

I think it massively depends on your relationship. You clearly aren't happy with it and don't trust him. So it's not ok.

My DH goes to a different F1 race for 5 days every year and to a techy festival for 5 nights each year, and I have no issue with it. But our relationship is good and I trust him and the people he goes with. I do an annual girls trip and regular walking holidays with friends. We each have hobbies the other one doesn't give a jot about and allow each other to pursue them. But it sounds like your DH is on sex trip.

We have kids and a mortgage and I’d still ”allow” this. I could certainly use a decent holiday each year myself! I recently did a week and it was so refreshing. My DH is tired from work and childcare, I would actually be happy if he went to just rest for a while. I also will always want to have my own money, which I can use however I please. And same to DH. We will obv pay into a joint account for family expenses but we both have personal money left, and I think this is very important. A holiday in Thailand is expensive sure, but not outside of the financial means of a person who works full time in a professional job. I do find it a bit suffocating how so many people think their partners absolutely couldn’t do this. Yes two weeks is quite long to be away from young kids, and a week would be better from that perspective.

I’ve lived long enough to know the chances are there is cheating and other things probably. How would you handle this.

I'd handle it by not marrying someone I assumed would cheat on me the moment he had the chance. I wouldn't marry someone I thought was inclined to cheat on the assumption that it would fine provided I could just keep them on a tight leash.

The inclination to cheat is the problem here, not the opportunity. You have apparently married a man you believe would fuck someone else the moment he gets a chance. Why would you marry someone you have such a low opinion of?

totally agree with this

why shouldn't he get to do what he wants just because hes married?

if the op doesn;t want to do similar then thats her choice - but holding someone else back is controlling

and she obviously just thinks he's likely to cheat on her in general