AIBU to wonder what my friend thinks of my husband?

[embroideredpanda]

I just wonder what you think the friend thinks of the relationship in this scenario:

It was my birthday. I like cake. I was ill last year and couldn’t have cake because of it.

Without discussing it, friend turns up with a lovely homemade cake on the day this year. Very thoughtfully one of my favourite flavours and did not contain an allergen which can be tricky to bake without.

Husband had not procured a cake. He did not discuss with the friend.

Do you think the friend has a very low opinion of my husband? Obviously, she turned out to be right in assuming he wouldn’t do anything but I am wondering if she did assume this or if she likely just wanted to make a cake? Or am I reading too far into it?

I’ve had friends make me bday treats in the past independently to any partner. However this is MN where any hint of celebration for your birthday is shunned!

I think you’re reading too far into it. I bake, and I will bake things for people on their birthday. Not because I think they won’t get any baked goods elsewhere - that doesn’t cross my mind. I bake it and give it as that if the thing I am good at, enjoy doing and think people will enjoy.

You have a lovely friend. It doesn’t matter what she thinks of your husband. It sounds like you’re projecting your thoughts about him onto her?

I bake for my friends sometimes. My opinion of their personal life is not a factor

Its cake, do you normally overthink things like this?

Your friend is kind. It sounds like you are disappointed or embarrassed that your husband didn’t think to do the same.

I think she just wanted to make you a cake. I like making people cake. I don’t really think about whether any one else would or wouldn’t get them one, I just think you can never have too much cake.

You're reading far too much into it.
Worst case you would have two cakes, not a problem for a cake lover

It depends on your friend- some people are into baking and would just do it out of love. I am not a baker but would think about buying one. So I would ask your dh first if he had sorted one out. If he said no, then I would tell him that I'm happy to buy one- almost to help out. I would not judge your dh at all. A lot of men don't think about such details but are still wonderful husbands.

People don’t make you a birthday cake because they assume you won’t have one otherwise, they make you a cake because they want to. Plus, no one worries about having too much cake.

Very few men i know would thibk to organise cake so if you were my friend I wouldn't think twice about yours.

I would think I had a thoughtful friend who wanted to make me a cake. I have had friends do all manner of nice things and never thought it reflected on DH in anyway.

I would only assume my friend had a low opinion of my husband in this scenario, when I also have that low opinion.

I think the fact that you’ve jumped to the conclusion you will think badly of him is a reflection of how you feel about him not getting you a cake?
Not many other people would even think this way.

If I went to see a friend on her birthday, I’d maybe bake a cake. I’d assume if she had also have one separately after dinner with her DH and any other family who were about

Am I reading too far into it?

Yep.

We literally do the birthday ceremony of cake, candles and singing for each other JUST for our children’s sake to be honest, as they like cake. This will stop once they leave home. We’d prefer to just have a bog standard cheesecake.

So it wouldn’t surprise me if a spouse hadn’t sorted a cake. I’m pretty sure your friend didn’t think about your H at all.