AIBU to find parenting my AuDHD son exhausting and frustrating?

[Itsanewyear26]

I find my DS (age 10, diagnosed AuDHD, also dyspraxia so a lot going on) so annoying.

He is prescribed medication (20mg methylphenidate), and it works wonders at taming the hyperactivity which is definitely the most challenging part to manage, but also makes him pretty joyless for a few hours, he can get very serious, a bit anxious and just not much fun or zest for life. His over the top enthusiasm when not medicated is one of the sweetest parts of his ADHD so whilst he is way easier to manage on the medication, it means it’s not great on weekends or holidays so we often don’t medicate him. Yet on those days he can be VERY hard to manage.

When he’s not on the medication, I end up snapping at him, constant threats of losing privileges, sending him to his room. He teases his younger sister relentlessly, he has so much attitude and answers back, is generally just rude and also acts like a toddler a lot of the time. Impossible to get him to do anything.

We’re in a very negative cycle at the moment and our relationship and his self esteem is taking a hammering. I feel so guilty saying it but he just irritates the hell out of me. It’s impossible not to be irritated by him, he is loud, in your face, rude…it goes on! I get really embarrassed as well. He’s almost 11, feel I’ll never embrace who he is as he just gets worse with age.

I could have written your post about my AuDHD DS11. To the word.

I love him but it is incredibly hard and frustrating. No advice sorry, just solidarity.

That sounds very difficult and I really sympathise with you. It’s easy to feel hopeless from time to time but I disagree that his behaviour is likely to get worse with age. I think you’re at a very difficult stage right now with his hormones to contend with. He is more likely to develop coping mechanisms and have a better command of his emotions as he gets older. I hope he turns a corner and you feel more connected again soon.

I could also have written this about my AuDHD DS9. Who won’t take medication of any kind because of sensory issues.

If I didn’t have a job I absolutely love, I would be a wibbling mess in the Priory. I skip off to work every day, relieved that he’s someone else’s problem for a few hours.

No advice, but you’re not on your own.

Yes DD11 is AuDHD and whilst not on medication (she’s inattentive on adhd diagnosis), when her periods started a few months ago her behaviour became harder to manage. I am drained, defeated and crying twice a week about our relationship and the relentlessness of her communication and attitude, of which I am mostly the target. I love her so much but have realised I also need to take care of me and have proper breaks that aren’t being at work. Fortunately she has an art class she loves which gives me some time every other Saturday to breathe. You’re not alone x

Mines 24 and exactly the same now when not on meds. I wish someone had told me not to verbalise every issue and just let some of the low level stuff go. It would have saved me years of conflict if I’d just said to myself - he’s got AuADHD, give him a break!

No advice here but solidarity! Mines 7! X

What a depressing thread! I feel mine has definitely gotten better and then now worse. So I hope it’s hormones but not holding out hope. He’s socially motivated so doesn’t act like a complete wally in front of friends, but I also think he’s not the most popular because he talks so much and is a bit annoying even when he’s reigning himself in socially, poor guy.

I’m going to try and change medication to see if another has fewer negative side effects, although that’s easier said than done with the non communication his doctor offers.

@GOATYOAT what kind of things do you wish you’d let go?