Hi all, I’m someone that’s quite a private person and I let very few people into my inner world. People often come to me with their problems, but I don’t go to many people with mine. I recently let someone in and regret it.
I have only met this person just a handful of times, seemed a nice guy and a good listener. He made me feel comfortable enough to tell him about something unpleasant that happened to me last year. This was nothing to do with him; I just wanted to get it off my chest and tell someone. However he offered no words of support for this.
This has been one of the flaws of our friendship in that I’ve always given him a lot of words of encouragement and support for what’s going on in his life, but he’s never given any of this back. He simply listens to what’s going on in my life, the good and the bad, without giving any comment at all.
He listened silently to me telling him about this incident that had really upset me. And a few weeks later, when this person and I had a disagreement about something different, he uses this traumatic thing to get the upper hand and attack me as a person, even though it was nothing to do with him. I am left feeling betrayed. What I shared with him from feeling safe around him was used against me in the worst way possible.
He apologised afterwards and said he shouldn’t have done that, but what made it worse is that he told me he’s not always comfortable to listen to people opening up about their lives because “he’s not had many close relationships in his life with people”. He is hoping for us to be able to repair a friendship, but knowing that he would prefer to keep things superficial and not get emotionally close with me, this is not something I can invest in. I did feel that I could trust him when I opened up to him, but I have learnt my lesson to not trust people easily regardless of how comfortable they make me feel being around them.
I really am left feeling hurt from this and would really appreciate thoughts.