Predictions for Tomorrow

[Strangerpings]

Keir Starmer - tomorrow’s the day.

Will he or won’t he?

I’m saying orderly transition, handover just before party conference.

I suspect a Burnham coronation, no challenger, as Wes doesn’t have the numbers.

It's going to be hot, but hotter on Tuesday.

But not as hot as Friday, which in turn wasn’t as hot as the day of Janet and Phil’s wedding, but that was unseasonably hot. Even the vicar wore shorts.

I think a morning announcement that KS will address the nation at xxx time.

Full on circus whatever happens. Tired of the endless coronations of the unelected PMs.

I think we should let King Charles have a go.

At this point, I think Larry the Cat should have a go!

But on a serious note I think he might resign tomorrow, Trumpa Loompa will tweet some bollocks about how he knew it all along. Streeting won’t have enough backers to launch his own bid.

8am announcement. He’ll want to hang on till September but they’ll make him go in July.

And yet this democracy malarkey is supposed to be better. 🤣

Can we not get someone proper to run the country for a bit? We need a rest.

Sue Perkins! She’d do a good job.

We might as well dig up Disraeli, and wait for the lightning storm mid-week.

He'll barricade himself in the No 10 flat and refuse to leave. The fire brigade will be called to break down the door to find he's chained himself to the radiator and has swallowed the key to the padlock.

Larry The Cat will be miaowing loudly because he hasn't had his breakfast and will have wee'd on the sofa in protest. The fire brigade will eventually cut through the B&Q quality chain and released Starmer who'll be crying and shaking at this stage.

He'll be taken off to hospital for an abdominal x ray to determine the whereabouts of the key. After some sedation, he'll be released and immediately placed in front of No 10 so he can make his resignation speech. Burnham will be downstairs in No 10 charming the staff with his eyelashes and a box of biscuits from M&S.

Starmer will finally be bundled into a car whilst bawling his eyes out and apologising profusely over the phone to the Fabians for messing everything up so badly.

Apart from the undignified exit by Starmer, everything will go swimmingly and Burnham will single handedly resurrect the economy, halve unemployment, stop the boats and give all public servants an 8% pay rise all by Christmas.