AIBU to worry my 17-year-old son is neglecting A-level work for new girlfriend?

[bedbugs]

DS 17 suddenly has a girlfriend, spending weekends at her family house, we haven't met, he's been working so hard throughout GCSEs amd yearc12, great grades, great university options, suddenly no schoolwork since mock A levels s in April, I'm panicking, grades can't be sustained at this level of no work / outcomes will completely shift, he's 17 1/2 !!!

thoughts anyone? Really appreciated!!

Bump

It’s a problem if it’s affecting his grades / mock results / homework / coursework etc, but not if he’s on top of it. I had a weekend job during A-levels which took time away from studying but still did well. Appreciate heartbreak risks are a different worry though! What do his teachers think? Is he on track?

So is he just coming to the end of year 12?
He will have done part of his A level exams this month then?
It might be one you need to wait and see how he’s done in his exams , if it is a lot worse than he did in mocks you will need to have a proper grown up chat with him about his future. At the end of the day you can’t force a 17 year old to study.
Make it clear that if he doesn’t work and fails his exams and can’t go to university you will be expecting him to get a job and pay his way

What have you tried? Why do you think it's not helping?

Do you know he isn't working?
Is he going to school?
Has he had detentions for not doing homework?
Presume they have regular tests at school - not just one set of exams (mine certainly did) - how are they going?
Has he had predicted grades for uni applications yet - they are usually based on more than just one set of exams so if his marks are dropping, the PGs will reflect that. Have you gone to any uni open days - they can help sharpen focus on A level work.

He could be working at his GFs - mine often did revision etc with friends/partners

You can encourage him to study - but ultimately it is his (very poor) choice if he prioritises a girl over studying for his a levels .

but if he fails - it is him who ultimately has to live with that choice and the consequences if failing through not studying.

you can remind him that if he still wants to go to x uni he needs abb etc and enquire what his 2nd option is if he doesn’t get these grades and will that enable him to get the job he wants.

make it clear you will support him with positive life choices such as getting a job, doing an apprentice or going to uni - but dossing about with his girl - with no job and no proper life choice you will not be supporting .

you need to help him focus his mind on doing something constructive - young love is thrilling and exciting but he needs to be realistic that there is more to life than following your hormonal urges and he is 17 and has to start facing the world as the adult he nearly is.

don’t infantilise him - he’s 17 not 7 - help him to see that actions and inactions have consequences and he has to take responsibility for his future .

Well presumably he’s actually doing work at school? There’s not long left, year 12 is winding down so I wouldn’t worry too much. There’s a good chance it will fizzle out over summer, and if not, the initial novelty may have worn off and he won’t be spending so much time with her. End of summer will be when you need to reiterate he needs to be buckling down ready for next year.