AIBU to be unsure between local state and private primary school?

[SNAMES]

Out of these two schools, where would you send your DD for primary? Money not an issue.

Option 1

• state, 3 form, 30 per class
• nice area
• in a large town
• OFSTED rated good

Option 2

• private, 2 form, 15 per class
• previously a boys school and only 25% girls
• Nurturing school with a big focus on behaviour, extra curriculars and keeping children children for as long as possible socially
• considered to be a great school

I cannot decide where to send my DD. Whether to prioritise academics and schooling and send her to the private, or whether to prioritise her socially and chose the state school in the nice area with more children for her to be around.

IABU - private
IANBU - state

State. For all the reasons you mention.
Save the money.

Only approx 3 to 4 girls in each class in private? For that reason I’d go with your state school option.

Just be aware in this current climate with private schools the rug can be pulled from beneath you without any warning. Ours did. Closing in the summer.

State and save the money for private for secondary

I’m sure there will be some that will survive, but on your list should be whether it is financially viable.

Save it for secondary.

Being in a small class with only a few girls can put huge pressure on friendships.

If those are your only options then hands down the state. 3-4 girls per class at the private is a recipe for friendship problems. Or maybe neither and cast your net wider for a properly coed private??

The problem might be that your DC has to get on with and make friends with a much smaller pool of girls and children overall. If this does work the class sizes go up higher up the school and the private school ethos elements click in. Worth finding out if you are in an academic/academic sporty/mostly sporty setting. Know what the deal is as soon as you can.

Just to add yet another comment (sorry!!, it’s been a big deal in our house the last few months!) Our DC now goes to a state primary. Only time will tell but right now we can’t tell the difference in her schooling,pastoral care etc etc… except we’ve been told she’s actually behind in maths, despite being told in private school she was hitting all targets! Teachers at the state school have told us they have had a few from private schools over the years who have all come in “behind” for their ages. We wish we had saved our money.

DS was at private prep school and switched to our local school in yr5. Maths teaching was behind and he played catch up. 'Handover' work was at the level 'what were they actually teaching them' to which the answer was undeniably 'sport' for years 3-4. Award winning prep and feeder to minor public school. DS considered 'average', recently MENSA level IQ. Completely flew in primary KS2 and secondary, sixth form.

My dc are state educated (one good, one outstanding) but if money was no object, I’d send them to private school.

My DD’s school was 3 class per year, Ofsted outstanding and everyone raved about it. Oversubscribed so infant class was 30 and junior school 32. It was a large green site with a running track, an onsite swimming pool, a forest school and academics were strong. Problem was behaviour. There were so many kids with really significant SEN that each class had a few whose SEN came with terrible behavioural issues, and the school simply couldn’t manage it. As time went on there was an increasing amount of violence, fighting, misbehaviour and bad language including sexualised language and gesture, in the classroom and on the playground, directed both at the kids and staff. The usual low-level disruption caused misery, and dd NEVER had an IT lesson in year 6 because the class couldn’t be calmed down enough to use the computer room facilities. My dd was sometimes quite frightened - chairs thrown, cupboard doors ripped off, one kid had a broken arm, one got a dislocation, regular classroom evacuations, etc . And “good” kids were forced to sit at tables to dilute “bad” kids’ behaviour. School didn’t like to suspend kids so it went on and on. My dd was bored too, there was not enough academic stretch. She told me that by year 6 she would sit and stare out of the window whilst the teacher drilled the class over and over and over on the SAT content which dd has fully mastered at first attempt, trying to blot out the noise and annoyances, and would daydream about zombies or monsters or murderers breaking into the school and where would she hide, how would she escape.

By the time I appreciated how a few bad eggs in lower school would turn into a nightmare, it felt too late. My invidious choice as parent was either rip my child out of a school she loved (but was quickly learning to resent ) from all her friends and routines in y5/y6, to avoid the behaviours of a significant minority. Or leave her there knowing the risks of being around behaviour like that. We left her there and I regret it.

My ds on the other hand is at a different state primary and it’s only “good” but for him the school is much better since the classes happen to consist of 60 kids who are all fairy lovely and already I can see there is a stronger approach to discipline and making sure parents are brought in early to discuss and correct even very small behaviour issues.

My point is : if your dc is unlucky, state school can be a nightmare even at a “great” school just because one of two kids will not be managed out of the system. And anecdotally that’s becoming more common.

Whereas in a small class at private school there’s far less chance of turning up a behaviour issue that the school cannot or will not address.

Private all the way.

I think unless your local primary options are terrible, you are better off using state at this level and saving the money!

It will make paying for secondary much easier too.

Definitely try state first. If it works out, great - she’s happy and receiving a good education for free. If it doesn’t, you can move her to the private school.

I’d go for state because of the low number of girls. There’s only 10 boys in my DS class out of 30 and I wish there were more as friendships have been an issue.

I’m sorry you had a rough experience but you can’t take one school with poor behaviour management systems (how recent was that outstanding Ofsted…?) and use it to illustrate why OP must go private.

Also, as someone who has worked and has friends who work in both state and independent sectors, you absolutely get children with SEN and behaviour issues in private, and the school unwilling to exclude because their parents are paying ££££.

Almost the only generalised statement anyone can make with confidence is that private schools will have smaller classes (those tiny village schools tend to combine so the ratio is still as close to 1:30 as possible). Every other aspect of education depends more on the school than the sector.

Only 25% girls in a small class would be the deal breaker for me. I know someone who pulled their dd out of our lovely state primary to go to a similar ratio private school and instantly regretted it. There were only 7 girls and they shut out the dd. At the state primary she would have had another 25 girls to form friendships with.

I bet boys dominate all the discussions in the class too when the ratios are that tilted.

The private school is too small. There will be around 4 girls per class and that could cause a lot of friendship issues.
There's also the danger of the private school not being financially viable.

Just send her to state and save the momey for later.

I would choose private primary over state primary (and over private secondary) because you get the basics really certainly. Once you have the basics absolutely second nature you’ll be fine in state thereafter.

Absolutely agree that the small number of girls in private could be an issue. But nothing saying that couldn't happen in state. DD2 is in a class of 24 at a lovely village primary. Her class is 7 girls and 17 boys. Most of the girls are lovely, but there is friction as so few of them, and 5 out of the 7 also do Brownies together, 4 out of the 7 do ballet together.

I would suggest trying state initially, see what it's like and what the class make up is. With the curriculum content I don't think there will be any achievement differences between state and private. For KS2 I can see the benefits, DD often gets frustrated with the low level disruption, with being sat next to children of a lower ability and being expected to 'teach them' - she isn't being stretched. I would loved to have moved her to private from year 3/4 onwards but it's not financially viable for us unfortunately

Private primary only makes sense for SEN reasons imo, otherwise it’s just a waste. Most primaries in this country are great and kids adapt well. It’s at secondary level when I’d be considering it if the schools in your area have a bad reputation.

Id put her in the prep for pre school at 3. See how the social side of things work before reception. If you have concerns then I'd take your state place, if you`re happy then you can continue with prep.

My DD is in prep with a class size of 15 and is thriving, the classes are free flow in early years and they mix in the playground too. So you may find there are more opportunities for friendships to develop. They also prioritise friendship when establishing classes too.

That’s probably because they teach differently. Our private school follow the scandi model whereby they start very slowly and accelerate later when their brains are more capable of learning the material. Doesn’t necessarily mean they’re behind.

Which school has the best quality teaching? That is what matters most. Although I agree a with the comment about the lack of girls in the private school - most girls prefer to play with girls and they’d obviously be a better chance of making good friendships in the state school where there are more girls.