To stop contact…

[sodoffbeforemycupofcoff]

DC dad was stopped seeing him as the last time we was together was when he had him on his hip and me in a corner snatching and grabbing things from my hands to have me flinching in the corner. Further to this, he scared my DC to force me into making a false statement on his phone via video. He threatens violence and had made my life a misery when separated. I didn’t report him and left with DC and cut contact completely. I said if he wants contact to go via courts. He asked for mediation but I declined due to past DA.
I feel dreadful my DC growing up without a father is it the right call I’m making? It is Father’s Day and it’s making me think am I being selfish and is it my own opinions why contact is being stopped? I’m so upset and torn. I wouldn’t allow unsupervised access if I did allow any in the future and I’m not in any rush to consider any form of contact I just need advice, please.

Ime your ex won't have changed. Maybe he will be even more abusive because you dared to leave and took your dc..
The reasons you left were the right ones to go.
Keeping your dc safe is more important than having a df.. He isn't a nice df is he? No df is better than an abusive one.. My dd didn't see her df from just over 1 until 20 years later. Her opinion as an adult was I was all she needed.. She went nc with him a year or 2 later anyway.

The guilt eats me alive. Many people have mentioned along the way that my DC is going to tell me that I kept their df from them. This is the case but for obvious reasons. I am so torn the guilt eats me up daily.

Your ex is abusive... I'm not sure how long ago you left but evidently he hasn't bothered going to court yet so he can't be too bothered to see his children! I think that says enough.

If he was really that bothered then he would take it to court. Has he?

Id look into your options so you are prepared if he does do that. There could be supervised contact at a contact centre or a way of doing handover where you don’t have to see your ex.

But ultimately this is not just your decision. Your ex has agency here and options. It sounds like he is not bothered

The law has changed recently and realised that actually being made to see an abusive parent isn’t in their best interests after all

My dd has never once said anything negative about not seeing her df as a dc.
Trust yourself op. Bet you are a good dm yes? You took your dc away from danger and fear. That makes you a jolly decent dm imo!! Not everyone has that strength.

You're keeping your child safe from a violent and abusive man. Absolutely no guilt necessary.

@sodoffbeforemycupofcoff no one would want an abusive person around their child. Just because they are blood relatives doesn’t change this.

You gave your Ex the option to go through the courts, if he really wants to be a father and not an abusive partner then he will. The courts will then decide what’s best for your DC. Until this day, then stay with keeping your child away from many years of emotional turmoil.

When your DC asks, just say you’ll explain everything when he’s old enough to understand. Until then it’s their job just to have lots of fun and not to worry about anything else.

Keep your child away from this appalling man.

Thanks everyone.
I suppose the point I’m trying to make and question I am asking, is… everyone says “I can’t see him hurting <DC>” but ok he might not punch him in the face the moment he sees him I don’t think he would either, but what I do know if he will emotionally hurt him and hurt his innocence as he grows older. To me that is a threat. He has clearly shown he has no problem with showing him violence against his own mother.

He is abusive. He has the ability to hurt anyone... child or not.

A court might deem it suitable for supervised visits but the father needs to actually show he wants to play a part in the child's upbringing which evidently he hasn't bothered yet.

It’s far more important to keep your DC safe.
People who think that men won’t hurt their own children are living in cloud cuckoo land, they absolutely do, sometimes to punish the mother.
It’s a relief that the system is now changing to recognise this.

He emotionally and psychologically hurt your DC the moment he decided to abuse their mother. He is not a good father. He doesn't deserve to have contact with his children because he abused you in front of his child!

Anyone who is making you question this decision to safeguard your children, personally I would cut out of your life. You just don't need that type of victim shaming and blaming.