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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you find dating a social butterfly off putting?

5 replies

Sunshine386 · 19/06/2026 15:10

This might split the introverts and extroverts. I'm female, more in the introvert camp, single, enjoy gym classes and going to sports clubs. I like talking to people and I do have friends, but not what I'd call anybody or a group who want to meet up on a regular basis to do stuff, people often seem to be doing their own thing and have their own stuff going on. I'm also happy enough reading or watching films at home sometimes.

For me though, part of the reason I'd like a partner is someone to have day trips, holidays, and do fun stuff with rather than alone. It's that much harder to organise things like that with friends.

But quite often I come across single men who are well into their 30s and seem to have a very active social life every weekend. It makes me wonder if they would want to see a partner that much or if they would adapt (or not) if things became more serious. And you feel in early dates as though you're being fit into a schedule. I also wonder how they know that many people who are so regularly available at this age. What are other people's views on this?

OP posts:
Duvetdayforme · 19/06/2026 15:13

It’s about compatibility.

I am a massive introvert who isn’t remotely interested in dating. However, if I were dating, I’d be happy to date someone with an active social life, so long as they didn’t expect me to accompany them to too much.

gannett · 19/06/2026 16:07

Being sociable isn't the same as being extroverted. I'm an introvert in that I enjoy time by myself and need it to recharge, but as much as socialising can exhaust me I still enjoy it.

In early dates you are being fit into a schedule. This goes for introverts, extroverts, social butterflies and just about everyone. I don't know why you'd feel weird about that! People have their own lives and are not sitting around alone just waiting for someone to date.

But if you don't want to date someone who already has a social life you don't have to! It's about compatibility.

TallulahBetty · 19/06/2026 16:17

gannett · 19/06/2026 16:07

Being sociable isn't the same as being extroverted. I'm an introvert in that I enjoy time by myself and need it to recharge, but as much as socialising can exhaust me I still enjoy it.

In early dates you are being fit into a schedule. This goes for introverts, extroverts, social butterflies and just about everyone. I don't know why you'd feel weird about that! People have their own lives and are not sitting around alone just waiting for someone to date.

But if you don't want to date someone who already has a social life you don't have to! It's about compatibility.

Yes, this! Extroverted does not necessarily mean a manic social life. I am extroverted but prefer to stay at home and have a quiet one.

Iwanttobeafraser · 19/06/2026 16:20

I think single people in their 30s are often out and about, in part because they want to meet someone. I don't think it's a reason not to date someone. And once you do start dating, as it becomes more serious, you can figure out if it works. Does this person want a partner wo is also up fo rendless social events and group activities, or does he want to still do some social stuff but happy to spend his time on a day trip with you. And depending on how that develops, you decide if the relationship is a long term one or not.

spicysalad · 19/06/2026 16:39

I’d be much more worried about dating someone who didn’t have to ‘fit me in to their schedule’. Would suggest either anti social or lazy, neither of which appeal to me in a partner

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