AIBU to think this man was hassling me at the gym?

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I’m confused by something that happened to me this morning.

I went to my usual gym. I was working out with my headphones in, and some random man I’d never seen before came up to me and gestured for me to remove my headphones. I was in the middle of a rep.

Thinking there was a problem, or he knew me, I took the headphones off. He then proceeded to ask me what I was doing, can I show him, I look so good doing it, where am I from, not at work today, can I show him how to do it, what’s my name, can he shake my hand.

Now I’m a 50 something woman, and he was about 30. I was the only woman in the gym. The etiquette is, smile politely if you need to get past someone, but don’t bother others.

At first I thought he was perhaps lonely or just very friendly but he started following me a bit and watching me. In the end I left and had the keys to my car ready when I left.

He didn’t speak to any of the men, just me.

Relevant/ not relevant - he wasn’t British and I did wonder if he’d just arrived and was not familiar with “don’t hassle women”.

I came away thinking FFS I can’t even be 50+ and be left in peace. I do think it was an entitlement thing as when I stopped engaging with him he seemed pissed off. I got to the point where I felt annoyed at being bothered and said ”anyway, I must get on. I’m late” and popped my earphones back on and he got a bit annoyed.

I’ll definitely be watching out for him at the gym as there are a lot of teen girls there and at that age they’ve not usually developed the life skills of shutting down unwanted attention.

Not sure on the AIBU. Maybe AIBU to assume this man was hassling me, and wasn’t just being friendly?

This thread's a bit déjà vu

But yeah, make sure the staff are aware if there's a next time.

Of course he was hassling you - were there staff there that you could have a word with? I'm also in my 50s and have very little patience these days - I probably would have said can you go away and leave me alone please, loudly!

If you are in gym kit, age seems not to be any protection. I got hassled running through our village and I'm a decade older than you.

Report him to the staff if it happens again. Hopefully they'll ban him if he can't learn any manners.

That was not friendly, that was targeted harrassment. Report it to the gym management.

I've got 1 in the pool who does this to me.
Designed to put you off going to the gym.
I've informed my (ex) boyfriend & my employer.
He is a taxi driver, as am I.
I'm just concerned, 1 creeping me out but 2 these males drive lone women home at night (in my case).
A FIRM LEAVE ME ALONE & inform.staff. he was being a pest and it is definately not acceptable.

I would just tend to advise the person if I was qualified, if not, I'd just say you should ask Ashly, the instructor, for advice. Some of the people at my gym used to give really good advice on technique, so I would pay it forward if I could.

I'd have just said, sorry I'm busy. Ask one of the men.

Why would you say sorry. I can't believe the women who often come on here, prefacing what they say to objectionable men with "I am sorry". It does nothing to help them understand that their behaviour is unwanted.
Of course the gym man was not just being friendly, OP. Who expects someone to break off what they are engaged in, take off headphones, etc. to be "friendly". He felt entitled to interfere with your activity. As for pissed off when you did not want to engage - words fail!

Report to the gym.
My gym would remove him asap with no second chances.

Did you feel hassled or did you get the impression he was just genuinely ask

right or wrong there is a bit of a macho culture between the younger guys and he probably felt a fool asking a guy his age

What did you say in all of this?
Did you tell him you cant help/ to go away

I'd have just said "look I'm in the middle of a set and have somewhere to be after this. if you need help the gym has loads of PTs" and put my earphones back in

Oh come on, he went way beyond asking a bit of advice with all his creepy questions.

I wouldn't be sorry that I didn't want to be disturbed like that, and I wouldn't encourage him to disturb anyone, including men like that either, particularly mid set, that would annoy men and women equally.

A simple shut down like, ask the instructor, then no eye contact or further interaction would suffice and be appropriate. Then mention him to staff yourself if you found his approach particularly creepy and unsettling.

Yes, he was hassling you. Tell the gym about it, they can find him on CCTV.

Also report it straight away whilst you’re there too.