So there we were, on a yacht, playing happy Real Families when all of a sudden...

[SadTimesInFife]

..an unexpected squall damaged the thing made of brass, and stuff got tangled, and before you knew it...

We looked to the horizon and saw Roger Moore and Tony Curtis in a speedboat! We realised we had jumped a timeline and were in an episode of The Persuaders. My first thought was that if I could get ashore I could run to Biba for a spot of shopping. But my husband at that point began speaking in tongues and John Travolta climbed aboard.

Just as Celine Dion started singing.. we heard familiar John Williams chords then suddenly a speedboat sped past and the Fonz was being towed on waterskis...

Fonz miraculously jumped not only the shark, but the orca, the dinghy, the yacht, the warship, and the superyacht, landing perfectly on his skis. He then gave a thumbs-up, exclaiming with a wink, “Heyyyyyy!”

Then Nigel Farage grinned and DC(3) screamed in horror.

At first, nobody knew that Nige was there, but my XH had been looking through his binoculars, and saw him crawl out from the orange OAP’s bum, where his head had been firmly wedged.

What the actual fuck is this

It’s brilliant, that’s what this is 😂

Whilst the XH was purchasing signature fragrances from the footballer’s wife for his over-indulged DCs, he seductively murmured, “I couldn’t help noticing that my yacht is significantly larger than your washed-up-footballer-husband’s yacht…”

Whereupon she fixed him with a steely glare and hissed “ My husband may be a washed up ex footballer , but I will thank you to remember that he is SIR Washed Up Ex Footballer to you.”

And then she asked if we would like the opportunity to be brand ambassadors for their perfume company. We only had to stump up £20,000 for exclusive rights

And then they all grew up and thought to themselves "that was a person genuinely upset and here I am being a clever dick about it, actually I am going to go outside"

Reported. The person was upset, wasn't rude and sounded very genuine. Unlike this thread. Grow up.

I felt sorry for him!
why was it deleted?

Waiting for what happens next with some🍿

I'm voting Count Binface if I ever get off this yacht. Are you sure this boat isn't Boaty McBoatface?

"No Scotland, No Party..."⚽😀

Someone stepped aboard. He was wearing a hat strategically dipped below one eye and his scarf was apricot. When he realised there was a mirror he started to gavotte...

The Sir Ex-footballer thought he was very vain.

At which point the hat/scarf man rebuffed that he wanted to challenge the footballer, the Fonz, Elon, the orange OAP, and Nige to a dance-off. It was time to see who the “real men” were.

"Real men? Who called for real men?" cried Kim Jong Un, as he dismounted from a dilapidated tank parked up on the deck of an aging cold war freighter.

He paused to catch his breath, puffing heavily, before motioning forward a patrol of underfed soldiers, eerie Epsilons of a not so brave world.

The kids set up the tiktok app and argued about the possible soundtracks for the real dad dance off

At this point, panic began to set in with the footballer. How would he survive? The Fonz would do his Elvis moves, no doubt; the orange OAP had mastered the jerking-two-penises-off-at-once move; Nige always looked great sloshing around with a pint in hand; and Elon surely had learned some cool moves from his 800 children. How would the footballer save his Tik Tok image? Was there time for his wife to teach him any of her signature 1990s moves?

The footballer's wife decides on some one-upmanyacht and starts dancing suggestively with the able-bodies seaman.

She basks in the glow of the attention. Overcome by the music, she clicks her perfectly manicured fingers at her DD, who knows the drill—that’s the signal to put on the back catalogue. The footballer’s wife seductively grabs Kim by his lapels and drags him to the dancefloor. His sweat beads glisten in the light of the setting sun.

Sir FootyMcFootball laughs at her and says 'He bats for the other side luv', and then the punches flew and chairs were snapped in two ...