Essentially my husband and I have a dead bedroom, first his choice and now mine.
Basically what happened is I gained weight during second pregnancy which was very difficult to lose. My mother then died from cancer and I had to go on Lexapro which stalled my weight loss further. I had gained about 12 kg above my normal weight. For reference I was a size 12 in jeans and a 10 in dresses.
He did not want anything to do with my sexually and virtually ignored me when I was overweight. As soon as I got back to a size 6-8 (lost 10 kg) he was all over me with sexual propositions, compliments etc.
The problem is that he ignored me in this way for four years. Literally squirreled himself away playing video games and putting no effort into his own appearance (he was himself actually obese on the BMI scale).
When we did finally have sex, I was really repulsed. I had accepted a platonic partnership and felt no attraction to him anymore.
He initially admitted that my weigh was the reason for the dry spell and since has come up with a variety of reasons (he was protecting my mental health, he wanted us to settle in to the new house). None of it adds up and my weight has been an issue before with his attraction.
He wants me to let it go and wants us to just move on and doesn't want counselling. I want to leave him. I never want him to touch me again and am so deeply hurt that he could be so shallow. I was only a size 12 anyway.
So, is this something you could move on from? Could you forgive this and stay in the marriage? Together 26 years. 46 yo. Him 53. 2 DC (teens).