AIBU to disrupt the family balance by taking on a new role?

[Scandalousmum]

I’ve been offered a new role which essentially takes me from 3 to 4 days working clinical environment. The working hours are 9-5/9-6 and means 2xDC will have to attend after school another night and likely miss clubs/activities( they dislike afterschool) . OH is quite supportive but vague if he can pick up any slack at home or help with afterschool activities on how this would actually impact everyone. I’m excited at the prospect as it’s an interest of mine but don’t know if I’m being selfish by going for this. Current role allows me to have kids in afterschool twice a week at present but could do with the extra money and my brain would really like the stimulation? AIBU?

Would your partner hesitate for a second to take such a role? Would be heckers like.

Presumably you’ve picked up the slack for partner for years as you’re part time. He can now reduce to 4 days to cover your new working day.

Do you have family local that could collect and have the DC for a few hours once a week?

How old are your kids?

Time for a proper conversation with your partner in life, reminding him he is your partner in life and you are not just a person who is here to provide free labour so he can have an easier life. Your children's childcare is just as much his responsibility as yours. BTW take the job.

The status quo is irrelevant. Unless you are already doing more hours than him, it's fair for you to work the same number of hours without him complaining you're impacting his life.

Tell him you're taking the job. Then work out how much time you will have at home (after commuting) and do the same for your partner. Split the chores/pick-ups accordingly. If he won't agree to a fair split time-wise, with equal impact on both your jobs, you have a partner problem.

For context the kids are age 5 and 9. I would need to juggle some clubs around/cancel another but I know myself I’ve done the lions share of childcare during sickness holidays etc. I just don’t want the kids to be disappointed I’m not around as much after school. From a boring perspective it’s good for my pension, extra money and responsibilities so i really want to take it. My OH would need to commit to being at home (sometimes away for his work) at least one day a week which would be non negotiable, him doing a four day week won’t wash in his industry.

If you want to do this, if there are benefits from doing so, financial, career path and self esteem and mental wellbeing

then he will need to understand that he WILL be extremely to pick up some slack, do some laundry, tidy up, think about meal planning etc.

additionally, he will need to do his share of school run bollocks too.

dont ask IF he can do… ask WHAT he’s going to do as his share of the kid management

tell him what areas he can choose from, and agree it

It’s fascinating how virtually every mother manages to go part time when needed but men cannot, even in identical careers. The aliens will find this worthy of investigation when they land, for sure.

Or we could just stop accepting excuses from men.