Can’t get over poor baby Preston

[Doximama2]

Not sure this is an AIBU, I never post on here but just feel I want to today. I am a 59 year old nana of 3 gourgous grandchildren including a one year old boy, the whole story in the need the last few weeks and especially this week about poor baby Preston that was tortured, abused and ultimately murdered by his 2 adoptive “fathers” has completely traumatized me. I am recovering from a big surgery 2 weeks ago so feeling emotional but this has really upset me so much that this was able to happen and that no one, not any social services, medics on visits to the hospital - one even with a broken elbow ffs - friends and family of these monsters realised what was happening and that Preston wasn’t a happy one year old. My grandson is always happy and smiling unless he is poorly so how did this go unnoticed? I had to turn the news off Monday when they showed this poor baby trying to sleep and this monster kept making him wake up.

im not naive, I have worked in public service including health and social services which I think is why I can’t comprehend how this was allowed to happen. It just feels like there is so many awful things in the world, and has made me so sad. 😭

@SandyHappy it's clear you don't understand what the social worker or the clinicians job is, in child protection. There are very clear responsibilities. Just because you imagine it to be something else doesn't make it so.

It is bothersome to me that the posts about this poor baby has been awash with people needing to educate and correct posters.

It isn't our job, nor will it ever be. We won't have any effect on the professions involved in cases like this.. I see a post like the OP's as an outlet for the horror, helplessness and grief they feel, thus extended to a great many others who feel this way.

I don't want educating. Another thread was taken over by an adopter. Can't people be left to express their outrage without a need for 'correction'?

ffs.

No one did protect this child.. so if these people are in the business of child protection then something has gone seriously wrong somewhere.

People are not wrong to feel outrage.

Next you'll be trotting out the 'lessons will be learnt' bullshit.

There’s a difference between people commenting about the horror of what Preston was subjected to and the many ill informed comments about the professionals involved. The latter will naturally lead to comments explaining processes, which I think some posters have found helpful.

Be outraged and horrified by all means. Of course that is important. But this thread is not being left there, is it? People are blaming the social workers left and right and its unfair. So if a social worker or medic reads this and wants to push back against unfair accusations, that is their right. And if people learn to challenge their own misunderstandings, all to the good.

If you just want to say how horrified you are, that is important. I am too, haven't stopped thinking about it and found it almost unbearable to see the video clips of him, but also felt it was not right to look away from. I desperately want this to be the last story like this I ever hear. But knee jerk blaming does not get us any closer to that.

In this case, thry absolutely fucked it though, didn't they? The worst possible outcome, right under their noses.

Problem is, many of us have experience with these so-called professionals, or know others who are also having to deal with them.

It isn't a profession I would ever enter into. But, it must be acknowledged that many who do, are shit.

Uncaring, ill-informed, lacking any sense of professional curiosity whatsoever.

I could talk at length about cuts and successive governments... But, grown fucking professionals let this happen to this baby boy.

And a great many of them will let it happen again.

Its not clear. Easy to say this, but there is a lot that needs to be looked into before blame can be apportioned. These men were clearly very determined in their evil doing and highly motivated to hide it.

I suspect many a blind eye will be turned. And I can’t say that thought bothers me at all, in this case. I hope they suffer.

Absolutely. This little boy was failed by social services and there needs to an investigation why they happened.

It seems the UK has a particular tendency for extreme cruel and sadistic child abuse cases. I lived abroad for about 20 years and have never encountered this level of depravity and abuse towards children in other countries - just to quote a few: Victoria Climbie, Baby P, little Arthur, Sara Sharif. This has to be one of the worst cases out of all these dreadful cases. And then the unbelievable abuse and cruelty towards white girls by the grooming gangs.

I come on these threads because, like everyone else, I'm human and I'm affected by this, as well as having a professional interest in it. I'm not here to educate, but I will challenge people who repeat the same biased inaccurate crap about safeguarding. It doesn't help anyone, it gets more people angry, it puts people off doing anything useful and it only serves to reinforce the posters original bias.

And yet 1 of these monsters was trained in Safe guarding.
Rot in Hell both of you. I think you'll find that in prison.

Genuine question - do you think it's realistic that all instances of serious child abuse or murder/manslaughter of children should be predicted/prevented?
It's a given that of course we would want them to be. But do you think its possible? Because that's what strikes me every time something happens - it's an instant assumption that it was a failure of services, before there's any investigation. It doesn't seem to happen anywhere else, even when the subject is emotive - eg medics aren't assumed to have failed every time a child dies in hospital despite their job being to care for a patient. The police aren't assumed to fail every time someone is killed by someone who had an existing record. Of course we would want to prevent as much as possible. I just whether the expectations would ever be realistic or achievable, even if social services had a 'perfect' service, eg if there were proper investment and govt support.

They'll be looking over their shoulders every day speaking as a former prison officer. There will be lifers who will regard it as a badge of honor if they are taken out. Not that I condone it. Punishment must not be meted out by inmates.

Agree, the only thing that makes me think I wouldn't want them to come to harm, is not wanting someone else who's been convicted of a comparatively horrible crime to get the kudos and attention for doing so. (I'm assuming that anyone who would have opportunity must have done something pretty awful to end up in the same part of a prison as these would be in, and that their victims families wouldn't want to see those faces again in the press and especially not being celebrated)

I am not sure if you are joking with this post or not?
The murderers of Victoria Climbie, Sara Sharif and the hundreds of grooming gang men are not British. They are all immigrants that bring their evil to the UK.

Just read this on the BBC

‘Varley first worked at South Shore Academy as a design and technology technician, before later becoming a teacher there after training between 2019 and 2021.
He also took on a pastoral role as a designated safeguarding lead and was head of year.’

and thought it was notable how little time JV had been in teaching before being given the safeguarding lead and head of year roles. I don’t know much about teaching but had always thought these were roles for more senior/experienced staff.

The two gay men who committed this unspeakable crime are British. All the other cases I mentioned were committed by British nationals.

It’s interesting how some cases really catch the public imagination as well. I don’t think I saw as much coverage for example of the equally sadistic and horrific (though not sexual) murder of Finley Boden, by his own parents, who held him down while the other injured him. Almost every bone in his body was broken by the time he died, aged just 10 months. Why do his killers get the possibly of being released? https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/may/26/parents-given-life-sentences-for-savage-of-baby-son-finley-boden

Maybe evidence how he was able to manipulate people to trust him with this very responsible role very quickly?

You're right, safeguarding roles are usually not roles for newly qualified staff.

If people could express their outrage without coming out with blatant nonsense, they wouldn't need correcting.

You mentioned Sara Sharif and Victoria Climbie. Their abusers were from immigrant backgrounds, not British.

Thank you, as I said I was unsure if you were being serious. Now I know you are just baiting.
All the other cases I mentioned were committed by British nationals has to be the funniest quote I have ever seen in my 10 years + on MN. Absolute gold. I suppose you have never heard the term Asian Grooming Gang.

Can someone on this thread who has experience in the prison sector please reassure me that these men will experience living hell in prison and that officers will turn a blind eye?