To only have one child?

[itsme189]

we’re One and done we both agree that we don’t want another child, pregnancy, newborn etc

i had postpartum depression, I have some medical issues that make having a baby complicated and we got lucky that our child doesn’t carry them

we are not well off but we can afford a couple uk holidays a year and for me to work part time to spend time with our child which is lovely

I don’t want to add another and make money so tight we can’t do anything etc

we are both happy but I do worry about having an only child people keep telling me she’ll be weird or lonely etc

imo siblings don’t equal friends for life some siblings barely speak as adults

any only children on here to give me opinions did you always long for a sibling?

I was a happy "only". Wondered what a sibling would be.like - wondered what it would have been like if I'd been born to very rich parents - or very poor parents. Or overseas.

If ifs and buts.....

Stop torturing yourself.

You've got your reasons for making the choice you have made, now make the best of your decision. Focus all your energies into the things you all need to thrive, especially your DC.

What other people feel about a different set of circumstances isn't relevant.

There is a lot of joy and happiness for both parents and child in an only child setup.

i am saying that as a parent to two!

If you and your H are social, confident and outgoing and your child is the same, I think it will work out fine. It is harder I think than it was when I was young, as kids no longer play in streets ( in most places) or organise their own contact with other kids. It’s all organized through parents. It can be hard as parents are busy and kids are busy at ‘activities’ and lots of parents spend weekends as ‘family time’. I very nearly stopped at one ( had decided to stop trying then found out I was pg) but I am now glad I had a second due to everything I describe about how childhood changed since when I was young.

I do know parents of one where the kid is shyer and quieter who have really worried and struggled about friendships and play for their kid, but the sociable, confident only kids were fine. It helps if they have cousins etc close by

we’re One and done we both agree that we don’t want another child, pregnancy,

It's a personal decision so you have your answer.

I had a sibling and would have loved to have been an only child. Some only children would have loved a sibling.

Grass is always greener and all that.

I had two because I didn't want the eldest to be an only child and I've always been happy with that decision but it's also because I have a tiny family (there's literally just me and my children and a sibling I rarely see) so I didn't want him to be an adult without any family at all. Fortunately, they're incredibly close.

But other people's decisions, choices and preferences aren't relevant to you.

Of course you’re not. I had 2 because we wanted 2, not because I felt an obligation to. Your child will have plenty of friends. And having 2 is no guarantee they’ll get along. Ours do but my brother and I spent most of our time trying to kill each other.

I’m not sure why you’re making this post OP, you sound very sure that you don’t want more children. What anyone else thinks (including your child) is irrelevant.

My dd is an only. I have asked her if she misses a sibling her reply is always god no! Someone to steal my toys. She is 18 soon and does have a strong friendship group of mostly onlies.

I'm an only child ( well my mum had my brother when I was 18 and didn't live at home) so technically not. It didn't bother me at all. I can make friends at the drop if a hat. I'm comfortable in my own company. My daughter's boyfriend is an only child and he's the most bubbly friendly person. However everyone is different. I'm my dad's only child and as we age the only downside it's it's me to do the caring alone. There's no right or wrong. I had 5 kids myself I think some of mine wished they were only ones lol 🤣

Only children (if they do) long for a hypothetical, idealised sibling. They don’t wish for one who can’t live independently as an adult, one with mh problems or addiction or one who chooses to emigrate and doesn’t make an effort to maintain a relationship.
Siblings might be helpful in some situations, or they might make things worse. You may get on, you may not. It’s not something you get to control.
My younger sister had behavioural problems in childhood that turned into personality disorder in her teens. It was absolute hell living with her and I moved out at seventeen to escape it. I love her and all that, but I was a background character in my own life for a very long time and it has seriously affected me in a way that can’t ever be undone.

As a mum of three this might sound weird...I've told DS and DIL to think very carefully about having a second. Their DD is amazing, born after fertility treatment and the centre of their world. Any second child would have a lot to live up to and the life she has would look very different if they have more, including private school.
Most families (in my very limited experience), including myself, go on to have more to give DC1 a sibling. We were one and done for many years. It was the deaths of several family members, including my teenage DB, that changed my mind.
Ten years later we had DC2, which then made it feel like we'd created two ony DCs, hence DC3.
DIL is an only child, so are both her parents. She feels like she missed out on a family, but has amazing friends and of course us.
I come from a huge family (one of 8DC) and I'm the only one with more than one child, which I think in itself is quite telling.
The cousins (my sibling's DC) are very close. As they got older they would take a cousin or friend on holidays. Only DC don't have to be lonely and I think you'll be surprised at just how many only DC there are now.
Whilst I absolutely adore my adult 3DC, if I could go back I would only have one. I became seriously ill two years after having DC3 and feel like DC2&3 (who are only two years apart), had a very different childhood to our eldest, although they're very close to each other.

@itsme189 it seems to me that it’s not unusual any longer to be ‘one and done’. Birth rate is dropping drastically, so your DC is most likely to be the same as most of her peers. There will be less opportunity for them to compare and think they’re missing out.

I’m an only in my 50s. I don’t think I’ve ever longed for a sibling. However, I chose to have 2 so maybe subconsciously I did. My mum had a really good relationship with her big brother and he was the only one she wanted to see in the last months of her life. She’d forgotten he was long dead and she was with him at the end. Siblings can be very close, can be quite distant or can be your worst enemy. In some ways, it would have been good to share my mums care but then so many siblings don’t share elder care or, worse, behave badly. I was spared that by doing it myself. I think Theloneliestsnail is right in that if an only longs for a sibling it’s the idealised version. I look on my mum and uncle and think it was a lovely relationship but I know many who don’t have that.

Be confident in your choice. It sounds like it’s right for you.

I loved being an only child. I had friends around all the time and am now an extremely social person and balanced and happy. My mum wasn't able to have any more children and it caused her a lot of guilt. There was no reason for her to feel that way! Ignore other people and enjoy your family

I have a nearly 6 year old, he has never asked for a sibling or asked why he doesn't have one. He see other kids with their siblings fighting, arguing and they are not selling it to him. We all have an easy life with one child. Both my partner and me don't have much of an relationship with siblings.

These days it's much more common to be an only child than it was when we were at school. Your child won't feel unusual at all.

We’re happily one and done. I know quite a few families the same, it’s much more common nowadays. If it’s right for your family thsts all the matters. Ofc your child might ask for or want a sibling but you can explain why that isn’t happening and that not everyone has siblings. Better to have mentally and physically well
parents than a sibling

This is true - many siblings do have a strained relationship.

45% of families with children in the UK have one child.

This is the most common family size nowadays!

There is a lot of research and discussion on only children done in China. It is quite interesting. Especially about parent child relationships when there is only one child.