EBSA anyone with this getting their kids to school?

[Velumental]

EBSA 'didnt exist in my day, they'd be going regardless... Etc etc'

My son is in P4, is on the pathway for ASD and ADHD, has a history of epilepsy though thankfully seizure free just now. Only meds are melatonin for sleep as he also has a diagnosed sleep disorder.
Even before school, when it was nursery, there were days I'd have to call work and let them know if be late because I couldn't get him in his car seat. At 2? You ask? He is big and tall and ridiculously strong. Like a rugby player from birth, not chunky and fat but ridiculously physically strong. First unaided steps at 8 months, I've videos of him running at 10 months, climbed everything, never stopped and I meant into it and got him as much access to physical activity as he needed which kept him regulated (at the time I didn't have this language for it I just knew if we spent 4 hours a day in parks and softplays he was happier)

He's 5 foot tall and 7 stone. Under endocrinology being investigated for accelerated growth, he's very clever, very high IQ checked at seizure follow up clinics. He's big and strong and yet incredibly clever but also very impulsive and has sensory meltdowns where he lashes out. A lot of time is spent implementing management plans so he can manage school and the several sports which he takes part in which keep him regulated but mean he has to follow instructions etc.

We got his report, 100% attendance, 45 latest. That's 45 times in this school year that I've had to carry him out the front door, lift him into the car, wheedle and cajole to stay in until his seatbelt is on and his door is locked. Or walk him up peeling him off every lamp post and road sign he can wrap himself around. I also have a 4 yr old dropping at the nursery in the school at the same time and therefore previously have been carrying him while pushing a buggy, pulling a scooter. Keeping a preschooler safe by a busy road.

He loves school. That is the weirdest thing about it all, he loves learning, loves maths, only learnt to read at 7 but now is top reading group, adores history and science, loves OE, has a group of friends. But the transitions involved in getting to school in the morning are a lot. I tell this background so you know my child has EBSA but I get him to school and in many ways he is thriving.

Is anyone else doing this? It's not easy! And it's not a humble brag, it's not a 'i get my kid in why don't you get yours in' I've managed to set work up and work around my husband so we do day about drop offs and manage enough work flexibility to not have lost our jobs (this involved us both changing jobs when he started school but again lucky to be able to)

How are you getting your kids into school when they're bigger? Also I'm so afraid of hurting him when I lift him out onto the doorstep to get him through that transition but how else do I get him there? Not even joking I've taken up strength training 4 times a week at the gym to make me less likely to injure myself.

And I love this boy. He's funny and clever and brilliant and neverendingky kind and thoughtful when he's in control of himself. So what do other people do? And not home schooling, it definitely wouldn't work for him. He needs a definite boundary between school for learning home for relaxation and support. I know thats not the case for all kids. He'd be totally unsuitable for the special schools that exist and our school are about as inclusive as any school with budgetry concerns can be.

Happy to receive ideas and honestly I've watched 2 other kids struggle this morning and a TA trying to herd them into the P2 classroom and therefore noone available to assist getting my son in (and as I say my school are genuinely brilliant and actually in the end the headmistress was crossing the corridor and came and spoke to us and helped get him in, the woman is an angel.

More TAs would help, I know 2 kids who if they had a trusted person in school even dipping in and out regularly they'd manage to take part in much more of the curriculum. I'm fortunate my son learns enthusiastically when in.

Anyone have any suggestions? For me or the education system or thoughts on what would help. Anyone else having mornings like this regularly?

AIBu to wonder how my experience compares to others I suppose

Speaking as someone in the education system for 25 years we definitely need more TA’s and more money! Many schools are on their knees financially and it’s TA support getting cut first! Which then leaves one teacher to deal with multiple needs without support which then leads to teachers off sick/ leaving and so it gets worse!
You’re doing amazingly getting your son in every day and not just giving up and keep him off. Have you had a chat with school about some strategies to try and help you?

As I say school are great, they do all they can, provide a soft start. An area outside the classroom with fidgets and Lego as a transition aid, access to fidgets, access to a quiet area with a tent he can go to to regulate and he now rarely needs any of these in school but still, even getting him in remains difficult.

I can't 'just keep him home because if I do it once hell then know it's a possibility. He operates best in absolutes and black and white. School days we go to school no matter what

I did up through year 8 and up to Christmas in year 9.

2 + hours every morning of soothing, cajoling and eventually shouting (‘D’H only ever noticed the shouting).

97% attendance. After that Christmas I just could not do it anymore. Husband managed a week.

Thing is once in school she was placed in isolation as they couldn’t (or wouldn’t) make alternative provisions (shes AuADHD).

She’s now thriving at an online school, it’s taken over a year but she’s finally regulated. Yes she’s gone back a school year, but she’s learning and doing well.

The house is calmer. Everyone’s happier.

Im glad you’ve got a supportive school. We were fine in primary. The wheels fell off in secondary.

This is exactly my worry, I have a few friends whose kids are basically isolated during the day, my son isn't, I couldn't in good conscience take him to school if that was the case, I'd need to look at alternatives. We're pretty sure he's ASD and ADHD, and he's had enough neurologist and neuropsych I put to have had that backed up by professionals. I say I couldn't send him if he was isolated all day but what would that mean? Giving up my career and income? Thanks for your input and for understanding it wasn't a humble brag but a fear of the future because life isn't very sustainable.

One of my sisters was exactly like this and is now a successful nurse with children of her own but school was dreadful for her.

We’re fortunate that I work locally and the other half works from home.

We funded everything for the first year and the school took the funding and still refused to do anything.

We now get a pot directly from the LA and spend on the online school and other alternative provisions. So she’s still socialised as it were and not living in the internet.

It’s bonkers. Good luck.