Why do people want teens on social media??

[theprincessthepea]

I have a teen.

Today I told her that by the time the ban comes into affect when she is 16, it won’t make a difference to her life. But it will affect my toddler, and I’m happy that he will be growing up during a time where social media will be banned for children and young teens.

What I realised is that there are so many parents against the ban.

I see it every day. I was the last parent (out of my DDs friendship group of 6 girls) to give her a smart phone and allow her on social media - mainly because I was aware of what it’s like, and I witnessed my friend abuse MSN and Bebo back in the day and end up with older guys and pervs - that’s another story. But I remember a parent (DDs friends mum) telling me “I’ve set up a Snapchat for my daughter” (there were in year 5).
I asked her “why”
she said “I was told it’s good for them to socialise”

WTF!? AIBU for thinking that a lot of the work will go into convincing the public and parents that social media is bad. Just like we had to convince the public that smoking is bad.

If the amount of exploitation, low self esteem, online bullying, literally having an online account that is borderline only fans when you are a minor, whilst mum and dad think you study and love school (me and my daughter are super open about socials, she might have an account I don’t know about - but this is the point - us parents don’t get to protect our kids when they are in a virtual world that could be harmful).

Anyways that’s my rant. I’m all for the ban. Good luck with them implementing it. But I think we will be in a better place 10 years later (if the multiple crisis don’t get to us first).

Im also all for educational videos - but I don’t think this falls under this. As I do tell my DD to find an appropriate video when she’s stuck for revision.

You’re so right. As an adult I’ve started to limit my time on social media as I was finding it draining and was wasting hours of time doom scrolling! My mood has been much brighter since avoiding them! As an adult I have the capacity to make that decision whereas children just get drawn in and don’t realise the effect it has.
We have huge increases in child MH problems and I think social media plays its part in this! Back in the 80’s if you were being bullied it began and ended with the school day now bullies can keep going 24/7!! I’m all for keeping children off social media as long as possible!

100%

There really wasn’t this level of deregulation 20 years ago, the vast majority of children functioned typically in most environments, including school.

I honestly believe a huge contributing factor to the SEN crisis is the sheer number of parents taking the easy way out and justifying leaving their 7/8/9 year old alone with an iPad for hours because ‘they need to self regulate’.

That’s literally a function of government- to protect children and ban harmful behaviour.

Do you think it’s up to you if you child drinks alcohol in a pub for example? Or takes drugs?

No, WhatsApp isn’t included. Yes, lots of bullying and inappropriate behaviour happens over WhatsApp (hence my kids don’t have it). It’s just a messaging service however, and you can’t really ban people from communicating with each other.

Yes I thought WhatsApp had been included but may have assumed or misread, or possibly the article I read mentioned it and then updated with a correction. The Gov's press release from yesterday specifically says "We do not intend for messaging services like WhatsApp and Signal to be included in the social media ban." - so fair enough :)

I use WhatsApp almost exclusively on my laptop but I had to connect it to a phone via QR code to do so, I've not used Signal - I don't know if that requires a phone number to work. (I also use TikTok in the same way as opening it on a phone anywhere public is a bit stressful if I've forgotten to zero the volume, I've bookmarked my own profile page so nothing autoplays).

AFAIK Google Docs doesn't require a phone number (though I'm sure they'd ask new sign-ups to share it) but my account is well over the age of 16 itself anyway!

Jo

Completely agree. My ADHD DS is now 17 and he is the one least addicted to his phone. I think he realised the impact it had on his mental health and it disregulated him.

To regulate ADHD - no screens especially in the morning, exercise, reading….

That’s a good point re age of account. I only use FB for a group for a club one of my DDs is in nowadays, but my account is around 20 years old so I wonder if they’ll ask for ID to prove I’m old enough to be on there!

I have an autistic 7 year old DS. He does find screens regulating, but I still think it’s my duty as a parent to ensure that he isn’t reliant on them and has other regulation strategies at his disposal. It’s also limited to ‘low stimulation’ viewing material, such as the old Disney films (he loves Lady and the Tramp!) rather than the quicker, short form stuff like Paw Patrol.

So how is the ban going to change that? Do you think the same parents who do not parent are going to suddenly follow this restriction? No they will carry on as they were slightly inconvenienced initially by needing to pretend a device is the parents rather than the child.

There are more important things for the government to focus on and spend money on.

Exactly that!! It's a stimulating distraction not a calming coping mechanism.

My autistic DC used to get really emotional and angry whenever we told him to come off YouTube or we blocked it on his phone or the timer ran out. Even he said recently that he was a ruder child when he was allowed YouTube.

I’m not sure screens are regulating for children with ADHD. Even if we think they are. There are other things that are better for regulating them.

Yes - this is what I was trying to say. It’s not regulation it’s distraction,

ADHD is a disregulation of dopamine - screens steal dopamine. Other things such as nature, books, exercise boost dopamine and are therefore more regulating.

Some (a minority, given 90% parents support the ban) could try and circumnavigate the ban. Many will be relieved that the peer pressure is over and enforce it.

Some parents buy their kids booze to circumnavigate the law but doesn't mean we should not bother with it.

Surely I can't be the only one wondering why, if 90% of parents recognise the potential dangers of SM for teens to the extent that they support a givernment ban, there's a need for a ban in the first place?

I mean, 10% of teens being harmed by SM is still a very considerable and concerning number; but all of the rhetoric around this ban has been predicated on SM being pretty much endemic in harming teenagers... so does this mean that most of these parents who are fiercely in favour of a ban are only bothered insofar as the government do it all for them and it doesn't trouble them at all as parents?

Absolutely. It's what happened in COVID that has made me extremely wary of state interference. People and authorities behaved exactly as you say - either genuinely mistaken as to what the rules were, or interpreting the rules far too harshly. But it was the government attempting to silence prominent people who disagreed with their approach that has me most concerned about this proposed new law. Even if you think the current government is fairly benign and is introducing this with honest intentions, future, currently unknown governments might not be.

As I said yesterday on another thread, I generally think it's a good thing but I think more needs to be done about addictive technologies and the way the platforms recommend posts. The advent of AI is creating a whole new ballgame as well. The government has mentioned AI bots in the press release but only in the context of "romantic" ones (I think).

I also don't think it's going to solve the online bullying as the kids will just send each other nasty messages instead.

They don't want to say no to their kids when their kids say "all my friends use it".

So if the government says no, they can blame the government.

It's like allowing kids to play 18 rated games when they are much younger - or letting them have a console at all because they will allegedly be left out if they don't have one. Gaming is a massive problem as well as social media.

Agreed

Social media are known to increase all sorts of mental health issues in teenagers (and probably afults too tbh!). It has killed teenagers too ( some commiting suicide after being bullied or traumatised online. some being murdered). It makes sexual exploitation way too easy. In short, there's nothing good about it. Like there's nothing good in cigarettes either. The government is phasing out the sale of cigarettes so my children won't ever be able to poison their lungs with them. I'm very happy about it. It's much bigger than just "parenting ". It's an epidemic in our society. I'm actually very shocked at reading how people think it's a 'nanny state" sort of issue. It's our kids' well being and happiness at play. All of our kids.

It’s not that people can’t parent. It’s that tech companies aren’t protecting people.

Although this is aimed at teens I know many adults who are mentally screwed because of their relationship with social media. And I hear even crazier stories of adults that are lured into doing dumb things abroad.

Im lucky to have a smart kid, but what if it’s not my parenting, what if my child is just a sensitive soul.

But I’ve noticed no one cares about the next generation. Just don’t complain about their low attention span when you have to hire a bunch of them and they can do anything right (supposedly).

I agree with you.

I must add that other people poorly parenting their children can affect your own children. That is why it always takes a village.

As much as we are an individualist society, we all are affected by one another.

I guess if so many parents are happy with social media just because their own children “are not impacted” - which I’m sure they are, then this shows even more reason for the ban in my mind because there really is no hope if people can’t see that social media is destroying a whole generation.

I’ll add, my teen uses social media, she’s a bright girl too and has her head screwed on, but when I tell her about my teen years she says “it sounds like you guys had way more fun”. They are slaves to a screen, even those that seem to be able to “work with it” or that are enjoying filming tik tok dances everyday.

Doom scrolling isn’t living.

While I agree that it’s a state over reach, I wish this could have been done earlier. As it stands my DD will be 15 when it kicks in. If we could have avoided the severe bullying she received for two years daily in secondary school, multiple girls telling her to kill herself daily then much trauma could have been avoided. But that was via WhatsApp, which isn’t going to be affected. I do really hope this saves many kids who would be faced with the same. Some kids just join the class or year WhatsApp and are ruined by the things that are said. They’ve done nothing wrong. These vile teens just want a target. It’s too late for us but I hope it won’t be with this now for kids in future.

It’s sad but I feel like people have been screaming at the tech companies to do something.

They are doing nothing.

So the law has to step in. I do wonder why they can’t just have a law against the tech companies instead, but as we know they just pay their way out of everything.

This is a very good point. I’m a millennial that lived both worlds and I have a teen.

I see the good in social media too - more connection, people making money on it.

I have found this report on GenZs parenting style fascinating.

I think being hyper aware maybe means it’s easier to put yourself in your child’s shoes - https://www.vicemediagroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Gen-Z-Parents-Global-Report_FINAL.pdf

Also what a lot of people don’t realise is that our brains can’t differentiate between an emotion or feeling triggered by real life or online.

Although this is aimed at teens I know many adults who are mentally screwed because of their relationship with social media. And I hear even crazier stories of adults that are lured into doing dumb things abroad.

People need to take responsibility for themselves. I don’t want have to provide ID because some people are dumb. They’ll still be dumb.