AIBU 16 yr old daughter

[omgwhys]

Daughter leaves school tomorrow.
she goes in at 8.30am - 10.30am fir shirt signing that’s it.

from there at 10.30am she wants to go to a house leavers party till 10pm (drinking) so 11 and half hours.

at 10pm she then wants to go to a different friends house for a sleep over until the next day obviously.

I let her go to a party before and she came home wasteddddd I wasn’t happy.
im worried i wont see her for 24 hours and not see what state she’s in

yes she’s left school. Yes I need to let go a bit but how much?
AIBU

YANBU - I wouldnt want potentially a whole year group of teens getting pissed at my house for 11 hours. Also I'm sure that if you allowed that and something went seriously wrong; you could be in trouble with the police for enabling this - I could be wrong there though!

It’s not at her house!

I wouldn’t be happy either OP, that’s a long time and a lot could go wrong.

I’d be tempted to let her go but with some conditions. Maybe she has to keep in touch at several points throughout the day or you have to collect her from the party and take her to the friends house? With the caveat that if she’s not in a suitable state you’ll be bringing her straight home.

I have an 18yo DD and I would let her go if she wants to. But make sure she knows she can call you if she needs picking up.

“Oh darling - I’ve actually booked us in for a massive pasta lunch at 1.30 to celebrate. Why don’t you meet your friends after that”

Yes this sounds like a good solution - I’d want to flatly say no way is this happening but I understand not wanting to crush her fun with friends!

Oh sorry I misread 16 in the title for 18 (need to put my glasses on!). I also have a 16yo son and I would also let him go.

This is what I was thinking - could you offer to take her and a friend maybe for a late lunch to celebrate, so you know she's eaten and to reduce the time she spends there?

My DD finishes tomorrow and there’s no way I could relax about what you described. Too many what ifs for me, but then again my daughter is very antisocial so doesn’t go out much anyway!

Are they really going to drink for 11 and a half hours straight? Apart from anything else how will they afford that much alcohol? Surely the parents of the child hosting will send them home if they get very drunk. I’d let mine go on the condition that they checked in before the sleepover and promised to eat. Maybe give her money for pizza.

I’d let mine go, but would send her stocked with snacks and some soft drinks (as well as booze if she asked for it). I’d ask her to check in, and make sure her location was on.

My daughter is very clear that she can call me whenever and I’ll collect her, no questions asked. So maybe make sure she knows that too.

My eldest went to a house party on the last day at 16, I was at work so keeping in touch via text. I drove over there and there were teenagers spilling out of the house in various states of anebriation. I said hi darling, I thought I'd come and give you a lift home. He was trying to act sober (badly) and said no it's ok I think I'm going to stay at girlfriends house. At that point I dropped the casual act and said absolutely not, get in the car. Which he did!

If I were you, I'd want to know exactly where she is going and if parents are going to be there - and I'd definitely be picking her up and bringing her home.

On the day of my last gcse I got so ridiculously drunk drinking straight vodka in a park. My parents had to take it in shifts overnight to sit by my bed mopping my brow with a damp flannel and making sure I didn’t choke on my vomit.

I’m very glad I went home and not to a friends house for the night. It’s the straight to a sleepover bit that would concern me most.

Thanks everyone. Honestly not ready for this growing up business it’s hard in many ways. I want her to live but also want to protect her 😢