AIBU to skip Father’s Day after ex ignored Mother’s Day?

[Magpiesinthegarden]

This year was the first Mothers Day since I separated from DH. Mother’s Day was not acknowledged, no card, no small gift, no text from my oldest who was at his Dads. Nothing! I’m a carer for our youngest who doesn’t understand Mothers Day and is non verbal. His Dad has him a couple of nights a week. Youngest did make a card in school which was cute 💕

Father’s Day is approaching - should I be the bigger person and organise something from our youngest? A card and some chocolates or should I ignore the day as that’s what ex did? I do think it’s different when you have a child who will always have a very limited understanding of the day-my belief is that us as parents should organise something from him but ex didn’t bother!

Ex is lucky in the sense that his mother always organises cards and gifts for Father’s Day so he will have a fuss made of him. I’m not so lucky! I will have to buy myself something and act surprised 🙈

What would you do?

I’d leave it. Not your job anymore and if you do make an effort and he ignores Mother’s Day again next year you’ll feel like a mug.

He's set the tone of what he expects going forward, so I'd leave it.

He's made it clear he doesn't care about parents day, believe him.
He'll be getting gifts from his mother, no need for you as an ex to arrange gifts too.

I wouldn't bother. He's showed you he's not going to reciprocate. And I think that's ok. He's your ex, it would be fine for you to not get each other Christmas or birthday stuff "from the kids" either.

If your child made a mother's day card at school she'll probably make a father's day card.

So just leave it at that.

I disagree, these things are always said to be for kids and that’s who they’re for. Your kids will grow up not acknowledging special occasions. Sucks that you’re the one who has to teach these lessons but someday they’ll realise you’re the hugely bigger person for it. (Don’t do anything too huge but your child deserves to get to enjoy what other kids do, picking a car d and their parents’ favourite sweets). I am sorry your ex is shit though

My ex does this but every year I still get my DS something to give him. It’s for the sake of my DS, not him. It does grate on me though

If the child makes a card at school, she won't grow up not acknowledging special occasions.

In fact more thought and effort will go into that than a parent buying a gift on her behalf.

I agree with this. It's shit that your ex couldn't be bothered to help his kids do something nice. But I think swallowing your pride would give the best outcome for your children. If you can find out if your younger child is making a card then that's enough from them, and remind your elder child to wish their dad a happy day.

How's the communication between you? Hostile? Or can you discuss it with him. Something like I don't want the kids to miss out on father's and mother's day. So we need to help them celebrate it.

Maybe switch the weekends around so you've got the children on your day.

But it really does depend on how well you're working together. As it's your first year apart then it may be too difficult

He’s your ex. Why would you?

Why on earth would you bother? Let his mummy do it for the poor little man child! How old is your eldest? Could they not have decided to make/buy you a card?

Fine to leave it. He has communicated how he feels about these occasions.

I’d ignore, I think he’s clearly communicated he wants nothing organised by you for fathers day and in accordance with his wishes I’d oblige.

No absolutely not.

He didn't acknowledge mother's day. You don't acknowledge father's day.

You are no longer a couple so things like this change.

You already said his mum will do something. Why on earth would you also do something when he wouldn't for you.