To think an AIBU thread has never changed anyone’s mind

[MyKindHiker]

Following on from the thread where the mother rather hilariously felt it was unreasonable that, having hoarded all of the shared toys in a public pool, it was unreasonable of another family to ask her princeling to share one of the toys. Overwhelming response - yes, you are unreasonable - followed by a few defensive posts and a flounce off. It made me wonder - what will she do next time she’s in the pool? Will the responses make her change her approach?

AIBU to think that really most people just put an AIBU thread because they expect vindication? And don’t actually want to hear the truth?

Correct. People use AIBU to look for validation.

I think some OP's genuinely are looking for advice because they are unsure.

I got extremely upset and annoyed by an AIBU thread yesterday because of the number of pp who leapt on to the thread to basically just hurl abuse at the OP. She sounded in a genuinely difficult situation and yet pp used it as an opportunity for a vindictive pile on.

Yes some OP's just want to be told they are right and then flounce off when the weight of opinion is against them. But on some threads pp just tell the OP they are wrong in an unbelievably nasty way just for the hell of it.

There was a post yday where someone asked if she was being unreasonable for dragging her husband over the coals for going on one night out in 2 years. Loads of responses telling her she was BU and she replied ‘I can’t believe I’m being made out to be the villain here!’. Makes you wonder if they understand what asking AIBU actually means.

This is also true. There is a lot of people jumping on AIBU for an excuse for a bit of tarring and feathering

We need a PVM talk topic.

I've seen it change people's minds but I think more often than not they mean AIBU like "am I rite?" rhetorically.

I disagree. I had my eyes opened by reading many AIBU threads when my marriage was disintegrating. Not necessarily from posting directly but just observing what other people considered to be a threshold for decent, respectful behaviour in a marriage. AIBU was a factor in me deciding to separate from my then husband (which I've never regretted).

It's true that AIBU can often be people seeking self-validation and it does bring out the mean streak in people.

But it does provide people with a baseline for what other people think about a given issue, controlling for one or two extreme positions. That does enable people to see when other people in their lives are being unreasonable and to triangulate a discussion with a loved one to gain outside perspective.

Most of AIBU is made up rage bait or people looking to argue. I really doubt many are actually real scenarios.

There are two ways of reading AIBU looking at the world.

One is that you know everything, so can learn from nothing.
The other is to look for learning wherever you look.

I agree posting in AIBU is much more likely about validation and seeking higher numbers of people to back them up. Chat and topic threads much more likely to be chosen if the poster really wants input that they might learn from. But that’s ok isn’t it? Both purposes? It’s just a reminder not to pour our hearts into advice for an AIBU poster and save that for other places.

It helped me see things weren’t right with my ex and I left the relationship

I can’t remember if it was AIBU or just a normal thread but I did one once asking if you would wake a sleeping child with a temperature to give Calpol.

(I always had done this and assumed it was normal but one time DS did not go back to sleep for HOURS). It was 100% don’t wake them up to give calpol… and it did change my perspective.

I've posted many over the years and have definitely had my mind changed many times. However, sometimes people endlessly posting in a particular vein just reinforces why I don't share that view and the more they post the more happy I am with my own position. It just depends on the particular situation.

I think a high percentage of these posts they just want validation as they genuinely don’t believe they are wrong, then as you say flounce off when everyone disagrees with them!

I think people come here assuming others will agree with them. Some won’t change their mind on that. But some will. I posted once when I was really pissed off about something, but when posters pointed out some things I hadn’t considered, I admitted I was wrong.

I have seen other posters concede they were unreasonable on balance, after reading comments.

You will, of course, always get some that will never see another viewpoint. They’re often the best posts to read though…