Is anyone already awake - I’m feeling awful/not coping

[SparkleHorse82]

AIBU to think that parenting is sometimes impossible?

Ive had a really tricky few months, one thing after another. One of my kids had surgery that was a big deal, we have had major medical diagnosis with the other. Work is crazy, I’m self employed so no slack trying to stay afloat in this economy

Ive spent most of the night in a&e with one of my kids - another recurring health issue, that results in a lot of crisis points, lot of midnight hospital flits.

I’ve had one hour of sleep and now I have to get up and get the other to school, have a work thing from 2pm onwards I can’t get out of (luckily DH can look after youngest).

Anyway, that’s all context but I just feel broken. I know nobody has it easy with parenting but I just feel like we are permanently handling so much and my body and mind can’t take it anymore

I need more rest, I need not to be consumed by worry and concern for them (I know this is the price to pay for love)

being a mum is making me ill, it’s so overwhelming and exhausting

I had a few plans in my diary this week for my birthday that I suspect I will now either have to cancel or won’t enjoy as I’m running on fumes

You've got a huge amount going on.

The only thing you can do in these periods is to work out where and how you can fit in rest and self care. Things like meditation, exercise, nutrition, sleep become absolute priorities.

Do you have any support you can call on, for example just to have the kids for tea so you can get a rest? And is there anything you currently do that you can scale back, such as any extra commitments?

This sounds like a lot and no wonder you are worn out. You are juggling so much and things that are out of your control, medical needs etc.

Work sounds like extra pressure too.
Try to take things one step at a time.
Is there anyone close who can look after your children whist you get out for a couple of hours in a week or two when things are calmer?
Can you get any support or respite longer term?
Hope things start to improve soon.

I’m doing all the right things on paper - going to bed early, getting regular exercise most weeks (not all), eating better, I’m in therapy. I just feel like my own health is so at risk from supporting my kids through their issues. I guess the fact that I’m in perimenopause too isn’t helping.

I’ve not really got any obligations I can drop. I’ve already swerved the PTA and things like that without guilt, because I just know I don’t have the capacity timewise or emotionally tbh. The thing I would like is to be able to work less, but unfortunately that’s not something we can afford as a family right now.

i think What I’m struggling most is just feeling that since I had kids my life is lurching from one crisis to another. I’m really struggling to enjoy them right now, I love them so much but I’m not having any fun with them as it’s all so serious and stressful.

Sorry, I’m just offloading. I don’t know why I’m posting this here. It just all feels so relentless and I’m exhausted

Go home and sleep for a few hours after the school run. My life is like this, and has been constantly for the last 15 years. I build in as my rest periods as I can (usually 4/5 a week), even if I don't sleep actually laying down and closing my eyes with audible on quiet can refresh me. I try to do one thing a week that's just for me (gym/yoga/dance/sport) and even if I have to miss it, I know I can look forward to it the week after. But the best thing after a night like you've had, is sleep. The world really is a brighter place after some sleep. Sending hugs. It's awful when you feel overwhelmed and alone xx

I know you’re right @Yellowundermarine- I should be getting another half hour now but I’m so wired I can’t rest. I’ll have to do at least another couple of hours later today before I go to work.

Oh gosh we have had years like this when the demands seem absolutely relentless. The stress about how you can cope with it all sometimes makes it worse - sometimes it’s easier to accept it, tell yourself ok I can cope with this, rather than spend mental energy resisting it if that makes sense? Really hoping you get through today ok and can find some pockets of rest and peace. Fingers crossed for an easier time for you all soon.

Be kind to yourself @SparkleHorse82

Sorry, I’m just offloading. I don’t know why I’m posting this here. It just all feels so relentless and I’m exhausted

I think offloading is natural and healthy at times, what you describe sounds like such hard work.

It might help to journal any progress or achievements - DC1 got dressed today without asking, DC2 told a joke, DC1 made a cute drawing - it's not about toxic positivity but just to show you what a positive impact you must be having if they can grow and develop in difficult times. And recognise what you do too - read a story, remembered to pick up the specific item, made them a nice sandwich - these are all acts of care, they are worth a lot.

A parent who tries to keep the basics in place through difficult times is the most valuable type of parent of all.

Thanks to everyone who posted earlier. Got through the day now and in bed but I’m still incredibly anxious this evening. DD5 who was in a&e with me is in bed still with a mild fever and stomach pain and the hospital dr left em with a warning to be on the lookout for appendicitis just in case they’d missed it with her co occurring conditions, so I’m a basket case keeping an eye on her.
Ive only had 1-2 hours of sleep so I need to get some now just in case we do have to go back in overnight.

I’ve had long term professional supprr for anxiety but when everything is on top of me at once I find it really hard to stay focused and rational and I just spiral

Some days I just don’t think I’m suited to parenting at all

This is really good advice and definitely helps on the tough but ordinary days. It’s days when everything is going wrong (like today/.this week) that I really struggle to keep a level head and everything in some perspective

This is a massive amount for anyone to handle. You're doing an amazing job! One hour at a time x