AIBU to feel upset seeing my gifted baby items on a wishlist?

[Desg]

Am I being unreasonable for feeling upset over an unwanted gift?

my friend sister recently announced that she was expecting a baby. My daughter had outgrown a few of her things and I offered to give them to her to help her out being a first time on myself, I understand how underwhelming it can be trying to buy everything for a new baby. She said she would like them and when my friend came to collect the items she surprised us and told us that she too was expecting! Obviously I was so excited for her and said if she wished to do so she could keep the items I was gifting to her sister for herself to help her out. I was also so excited that I offered her a few more items while she was here like an expensive pair of maternity jeans. These are all items I was initially going to sell or children I may have.

After she left, I instantly regretted giving her stuff as I felt she just wasn’t that I also received no thanks or message from her sister so assumed that my friend had kept everything for herself. Fast forward a few few months and then I received an invite to get the baby shower along with an Amazon gift list. On this gift list was the items that I had already gifted my friend.

This has probably upset me more than it should, but I gave her these out of good will to help her out and like I mentioned at the time I was either going to keep them for my future children or sell them as I was in statutory maternity pay so didn’t have a lot of money. I also feel like now I’m expected to buy her new gifts for the baby shower as the ones I’ve given her originally clearly weren’t good enough. And I’m wondering will she also get rid of these?

I’m unsure if to bring this up with her or not. Like I said I never heard a peep from her sister so assumed she’d kept the items for herself, so therefore a little confused as to why she’s asking for these on her list. Surely she could’ve just said no if she didn’t want it, or give it back to me? I’m not sure if I’m just overreacting (she hasn’t been made much effort with me or my daughter like I’d have expected so not sure if my annoyance just stems from this) or if I’m fair in wanting to bring it up with her. The issue is she’s the kind of person that would probably deny it to my face and then bitch about me to anyone that would listen for years to come, I’m still very hormonal and fragile post partum lol so could do without that.

Ask her op. She may of well given them to her sister but the sister has been rude by not saying thanks.

You could message your friend something like “Were the baby things useful for your sister? I didn’t hear from her so hope so! When she’s done with them I’d be happy to take them back so I can use them again, but no rush “

How very upsetting.
I would try to learn from this experience and in future only give away things if you genuinely don't mind what happens to them and don't want thanks.
For this baby shower I would either not go, or go taking a gift that you feel ok about giving after what has happened.

Oh.no. you are Completely right can now ask for these back and be honest about it in a friendly way.
Kind of, "i see you'd rather have these items new, i get it, its a very precious new baby thing,, but ill have them back as they are expensive and i have other friends who might want a lend, you can always ask me if you dont get everything on your list, but I don't want them sold on for pennies on the pound so ill have them back to pass on elsewhere, ill pick them up on thursday"

I’d assume she gave them to her sister and likes them so has also asked for them? If you said at time you wanted things back it’s fine to ask otherwise you can’t really expect anything

I think it’s a lesson to learn to not give things away that you actually would rather keep or sell yourself. That’s the issue here, because if you genuinely had no use for these things and no need of the potential sale money from them, then you’d have passed them on and not thought about it at all.

As a separate point, if your friend would lie to your face and then bitch about you to everyone else for a long time…. is she really a friend??

Is it the exact same things you gave her, or different versions of the same things? I can see why you’re upset, she should have said no thanks if she didn’t actually want the items.

How much time is there in between the pregnancies if you gave them to the pregnant sister surely there’s not a huge amount of turn around time for your friend to also use the same items?

I agree with a PP that if you can't ask without fear of her reaction (including less confrontational responses of complaining behind your back), she's not much of a friend. You have nothing to lose. I'd ask for them back but be prepared she may no longer have them. People like this are why I won't loan things to anyone beyond a precious few whom I trust will treat others' belongings with care. (It's rare that people do.) If it's something I'm happy to give away, fine, but if I would want it back in good condition, I don't loan it.

I’d call her bluff on this one and ask for them back as you’d noticed that the items are on the wish list.

The issue is she’s the kind of person that would probably deny it to my face and then bitch about me to anyone that would listen for years to come, I’m still very hormonal and fragile post partum lol so could do without that.

Why are you giving stuff that you could really do with using for yourself to the sister of someone you think is like this (why are you even friends with her)?

Who knows what happened to the items you gave her, but it makes little difference. You aren't getting them back. You don't think she's a nice a person. Move on and find friends who are nice people.

And maybe do some thinking on why you gave away extra stuff on the spur of the moment that you instantly regretted. Especially since you don't really like her that much. Are you, perhaps, lacking in self esteem? Or super impulsive? It maybe you could do with working on some things that make you vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

She probably gave the items to her sister, what were they and how much time is there between their due dates?

She's horribly rude op. YABU! Hugs x

I get it but you gave this stuff to her on the spot. She didn’t ask you for any of it, nor did the sister. I’d say they weren’t that keen. Did you make it obvious they were on loan?

I think it can depend a little of what the items are. I got gifted a pair of maternity jeans which were so nice I didn’t want to take them off long enough to put them through the wash so bought another pair myself. Equally I did the same with some t shirts I was given.

Id just be cautious before you go in all guns blazing like some have suggested

I don't think you can just assume the friend kept the items. Maybe the sister is just rude and didn't send thanks.

However, I think it's off that you told your friend she could keep the items herself. You said the sister had indicated she would like the items, so to then say your friend could have them instead was rude of you.

unless you were clear at the outset that the items were on loan then you can't ask for them back.

Ah, that old Mn chestnut of ‘the friend I don’t actually like and who isn’t at all nice to me’.

Ask for the stuff back, OP and in future, don’t give away things you actually want to keep to ‘friends’ you don’t like.

Honestly OP you said yourself you got carried away and gave extra stuff, saying your friend could keep stuff too. Unless you specifically said you wanted it back, you have given it away. Do not expect people to love things as much as you did. When I had dc1 I got a lot of offers of "amazing" stuff. Some of it wasn't to my taste but some of it was old and tatty. A relative wanted to give me her old pram that had been in the loft for years, I really hated it but she was very adamant and it felt rude not to take it, I knew she was going to be offended if I said no. Thankfully travel systems became a thing then and I was able to use the excuse that I'd just buy a cheap travel system. She was still offended though!

So did the friend give the stuff to her sister ( if so the sister should have thanked you, but that’s another issue) and is now trying to get the same items for herself?

As others have said, if the items were so precious to you , you should have hung on to them.