To sort out a financial settlement?

[IStoleTheBandwagon]

I got divorced during the first lockdown. It was all done online, nothing complicated. In fact, I feel like it sort of happened without me noticing!
However, what I hadn't realised is that that because it was all so simple, I didn't think about a financial settlement.

I have very little to make a claim on, maybe a couple of small pensions (I've not stayed in a single job for more than 4 years, now I'm self employed and have no pension - but I'll worry about that later!).

I live in a housing association house. The youngest dc I have with him is nearly 18, the other is 19. He has sent £150 a month for the two children since 2018. I am single and fully intend to remain so.

He has remarried. I believe he is unable to work due to ill health (he is 10 years older than me - he is mid 60s now). I have no idea what pensions he has, if any. I have no contact with him. It was an unpleasant marriage, emotionally and occasionally physically abusive.

I have since learned that if we didn't get a financial settlement, then either of us can make a claim against the other at any time in the future. This alarms me, could he really come after my tiny pensions? If I won the lottery(!) could he claim half of that? Or if I married a rich man (!!!!!) could he come after me for money?

Or have I misunderstood?!

What about his pensions though - would they be larger than yours?

I would pop your question into Gemini. Are you in England?

RESPONSE FROM GEMINI

Since your friend is in England, her concern about financial ties remaining open is legally correct in theory—but in practice, her actual risk of him successfully coming after her money is incredibly low.
Here is how the law in England and Wales handles her specific situation, and why she still doesn't need to panic.

1. The English Rule: The Door Stays Ajar

Your friend is right about the law itself. In England, getting a Decree Absolute (or Final Order, as it's called now) ends the marriage, but it does not end the financial relationship. To do that, you need a court-approved Consent Order detailing a financial clean break. Without that order, the right to make a financial claim technically remains open indefinitely.

1. Can he really come after her "tiny pensions"?

Technically, he could apply to the court, but it is highly unlikely a judge would give him anything, for a few major reasons:

• The Remarriage Bar: You mentioned he has remarried. In England, there is a strict rule called the "Remarriage Bar." Because he has remarried, he is legally blocked from making any new claims for a lump sum, property transfer, or spousal maintenance against his ex-wife. The only thing a remarried spouse can still technically apply for is a share of a pension (a Pension Sharing Order)—but even that is highly improbable here.
• The "Needs" and Costs Factor: To get a share of her small pensions, he would have to hire a solicitor and take her to court. Given that her pensions are tiny, the legal fees would quickly outstrip the value of whatever he could possibly win.
• Length of Separation: They have been divorced since the first lockdown (2020), and he has been paying a set amount of child support since 2018, meaning they have lived independent financial lives for 6 to 8 years. Courts heavily look at how long people have been independent when deciding if a late claim is fair.

1. What about the "What Ifs" (Lottery or Rich Husband)?

• If she wins the lottery: In the rare event of a massive financial windfall, an ex-spouse in England can sometimes try to make a claim if no clean break order exists. However, because he is remarried, his options are severely limited, and a court would look at the fact that the wealth was acquired long after the marriage ended.
• If she marries a rich man: If she remarries, she would lose the right to make claims against him. More importantly, her new husband's wealth belongs to her new husband. Her ex cannot sue her new partner for money.

1. The Child Maintenance

The £150 a month he has been paying since 2018 is separate from the divorce. In England:

• Statutory child maintenance through the CMS stops when a child turns 16, or 20 if they are in full-time approved education (A-Levels, high school, etc.).
• Since the children are 18 and 19, if they have finished school and are working or at university, his legal obligation to pay has likely finished or is just about to.

Summary for Your Friend The Reality Check: While it's true she doesn't have a formal "clean break order," her ex-husband's remarriage legally blocks him from touching her income, assets, or any future inheritance/lottery wins. The absolute worst he could do is try to claim a piece of her already "tiny" pension—and the legal costs of him doing so make it entirely unrealistic, especially since he is unwell and seemingly not working. She can breathe a sigh of relief. Her abusive past is behind her, and her independent future is functionally secure.

He worked in the NHS for about 15 years, but I vaguely recall he cashed in his pension before I met him. He too, has a chequered work history, not staying in any one role for long. He was working when I met him, but had only been there for a couple of years. Was made redundant about the time I met him, but refused to sign on as it was beneath him, so I have no idea if he has paid full stamp. I think his pensions are probably as pathetic as mine.

When I had the first baby, he refused to look after him, I had to pay childcare when I went back to work. I was supporting the three of us and paying nursery fees on my teeny wages! It wasn't an ideal situation, I'll grant you that!!

This might sound daft, but what's Gemini?

@50sandFabulous OMG you couldn't even wait 3 minutes before dumping a massive pile of AI waffle on the thread like it was some kind of magic oracle, could you? OP clearly didn't consent to her situation being added to an AI database!

@50sandFabulous This is wonderful! Thank you.

I will now definitely breath a sigh of relief and forget about him completely!!

Thank you!!

@Darragon is that not true, what she put?!

Just as I was beginning to relax!!

OP yes he can come after your pensions also any lottery win or marriage to a rich man (is this likely?) could potentially affect the settlement.

Best get it done really, there's no good reason to delay is there?

I believe that as he's remarried, he can't receive anything from you. Hopefully (for him) he and his current wife don't own property together, as that's still fair game for you (unless / until you remarry).

Remarriage to anyone is unlikely, let alone a rich man!

You have said the opposite to pp's. What makes you say that?

The reason for my delaying is purely financial. I'm skint despite working my arse off. I assume that it would involve some sort of legal input, which I simply don't have the finances for.

I believe the house they live in is owned by her ex husband!

The situation is all a bit strange from what I've heard from the kids. They have described it as 'a bit of a cult'!

If hes not working yet still paying for two “adult” kids i’d suggest dont rock the apple cart. Sadly, forgive me for saying this as it should not be like this, youve been very lucky to have a guy do what he should, even after a rocky start where once again a woman has to do it all.

where is he getting the money from for them if he doesn’t work? is it benefits? will you be ok financially if he stops paying? can they support themselves through uni with part time jobs or whatever?

the other thing people do is ask the ex to pay the dc the money direct. he could do that if you plan on separating financially. or he could refuse. again, i’d be scared to rock anything and i would wait until he stops paying or thwy leave full time education and he chooses not to further support them.

@Elieza you say 'paying' but I'm not sure how much you think £75 a month each gets these days. Or indeed how much it got when we split up. I assume it's coming from benefits, but he's not averse to 'cooking the books'.

Anyway, I would manage without it. It just gets absorbed into the household. All the usual stuff, food, rent, CT, petrol, etc etc. All of those things benefit the kids directly!

Although I'm not going to mention it to him, if it stops, it stops. The 19yo is working now, and the 17yo is at sixth form, with a veiw to going to uni next September.