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DH accepted Instagram connection from ex

15 replies

NeverSometimesAlways · 12/06/2026 23:08

DH and I have been married 12 years and have children together. All good and no real problems!

Right at the very start of our relationship (within the first few months or so) I found out that he had been seeing someone else at the same time, someone he’d been to school with.

We weren’t necessarily exclusive at that point but it caused a significant amount of upset and we nearly broke up over it. We worked through it, but as part of moving on I agreed to stop bringing it up. I’ve stuck to that, but honestly I’ve never been comfortable talking about the early part of our relationship e.g. if people ask about how we met and so on, I tend to avoid it because what I thought was happening at the time turned out not to be accurate. I thought we were so into each other, whirlwind etc. but obviously wasn’t the case! Anyway, we got through it.

Recently though, by accident I saw on Instagram that he is connected with this person. It came up as a suggested contact for me because of his connection. When I asked him about it he said she’d sent a follow request about a year ago and he’d accepted it. I was hurt and upset by this, given everything that has gone before.
His response was that I was blowing it out of proportion, which is how he felt I did at the time.

Am I blowing this out of proportion?

OP posts:
whippersnapper55 · 12/06/2026 23:18

Nope, you're not being unreasonable. He absolutely knows that you wouldn't be happy about it. Ask him, if the tables were turned, he'd be happy for you to be instagram buddies with an old flame that you had been seeing behind his back? It doesn't matter how long ago it was, he's taking the piss 😒

DietCoke247 · 12/06/2026 23:23

No you are not blowing this out of proportion. Even if it’s all very innocent now, it once wasn’t and it really left its mark on you. You agreed not to keep bringing it up because deep down you thought that was the end of it. Your DH should know how much it hurt you and to never open up old wounds unnecessarily.

So he’s either thick to even contemplate bringing her back on the scene and risk upsetting you, or he doesn’t care enough to put your feelings first above all else, or he wouldn’t mind hooking up with her again. Each option isn’t great, but hopefully your DH is just thick!

NeverSometimesAlways · 12/06/2026 23:38

Thanks PPs. Yes, you’ve both captured how I feel.

I’ve got no suspicions that anything has happened, or would happen, but can’t help thinking, why? Why would he even go there and renew that connection?

OP posts:
DietCoke247 · 12/06/2026 23:49

NeverSometimesAlways · 12/06/2026 23:38

Thanks PPs. Yes, you’ve both captured how I feel.

I’ve got no suspicions that anything has happened, or would happen, but can’t help thinking, why? Why would he even go there and renew that connection?

He is being thick! He doesn’t understand how much it affected you. You need to sit him down and explain that you can’t even speak about how you first met and those early months together because they are not good memories, he really hurt you, and you never want to revisit that time again. You don’t want that person in your lives at all, even just on instagram. He needs to learn to understand that he doesn’t get to re-connect with a woman he was seeing whist seeing you. He needs to respect your wishes on this even if he thinks you are overreacting.

AnonymityAnonymity · 13/06/2026 00:04

So they got back in contact with each other a year ago and he didn't mention this to you?
Have they been in regular contact with each other?

Vaxtable · 13/06/2026 00:13

It was 12 years ago. You say you have a happy marriage. You need to grow up and get over it.

NeverSometimesAlways · 13/06/2026 00:14

AnonymityAnonymity · 13/06/2026 00:04

So they got back in contact with each other a year ago and he didn't mention this to you?
Have they been in regular contact with each other?

Apparently not. Just became Instagram friends.

OP posts:
NeverSometimesAlways · 13/06/2026 00:14

Vaxtable · 13/06/2026 00:13

It was 12 years ago. You say you have a happy marriage. You need to grow up and get over it.

I had done this.

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AnonymityAnonymity · 13/06/2026 00:26

NeverSometimesAlways · 13/06/2026 00:14

Apparently not. Just became Instagram friends.

It seems really pointless becoming Instagram friends if they aren't contacting each other. Why bother, especially given that this is hurtful to you?

You feel as you feel. And him saying you are blowing things out of proportion is being very dismissive of you.

I think you need to talk to him about this again because if this connection with this woman really means nothing to him why is he prepared to cause you upset and hurt by maintaining it?

NeverSometimesAlways · 13/06/2026 00:33

Sorry, I should say that the Instagram connection was voluntarily removed once I spotted this and brought it up (I didn’t demand it, even though I wanted to!)

OP posts:
DietCoke247 · 13/06/2026 07:02

NeverSometimesAlways · 13/06/2026 00:33

Sorry, I should say that the Instagram connection was voluntarily removed once I spotted this and brought it up (I didn’t demand it, even though I wanted to!)

Then drop it!

RhaenysRocks · 13/06/2026 18:35

Ok then I think leave it. I dont do IG but I assume its similar to fb that being connected to so.eone really means diddly squat unless you actively chase up messages and so on. The misunderstandings 12 years ago were just that and he's voluntarily removed her.

IMTOOMessy · 13/06/2026 20:43

Not being unreasonable. Sorry to hear this.

Sparrowsandbudgies · 13/06/2026 20:50

I would not like this at all. My ex dh left me for an ex before me he’d added as a friend on Facebook. I miss the days where if you ended it with someone you’d be unlikely to ever see them again.

airportfloor · 13/06/2026 20:55

Would not bother me. But I also wouldn't be bothered more than a decade later about a blurry start. Unless you worry his intentions are bad? I feel we're all too old and fat to be bothered by old flames. Its like another world - unless it isn't?

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